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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old contributing to household bills

138 replies

Legoandbarefeet · 21/06/2021 21:39

Evening mumsnetters. I’m interested to hear whether any of you have young adults living at home and if so do they contribute financially.
I’ve an 18 year who helps out with bsbysitting the youngest and works part time now they have finished college. I just wondered whether others in my situation ask for a continuation and if so how much?
For context I am a single parent working full time (NHS) not in receipt of benefits but not well off.
I left home at 16 and was living independently so obviously never contributed.
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Bryonyshcmyony · 22/06/2021 09:58

No there isn't, it seems petty and pointless

Ludoole · 22/06/2021 10:04

My 2 boys 19 and 18 both work full time and earn the same as me. They both contribute £50 a week and they have offered more but as I am managing with their current contributions I am happy with this. Apart from paying board they spend very little so have a lot more disposable income every week than me. They are very good savers though and definitely have more money than me in the bank.

Harryfrog12 · 22/06/2021 10:13

Yes she should contribute. Not everyone has parents who can let their kids live rent free. This is life. My mum was a single parent and i started working at 15 part time and paid board as soon as i left school. Your costs have gone up so they should cover some of that. Bills are huge cost in life so its better to realise that early on

roobicoobi · 22/06/2021 10:15

Not everyone has parents who can let their kids live rent free. This is life.

Not everyone has kids who do a huge part of their wrap around care for free. Both ways this one. Both ways.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/06/2021 11:38

I'd ask her for a contribution but offset it against childcare. So if you save 1 days childcare fees, you reduce her contribution by half the saving. That way if she drops hours and does loads of childcare she isn't then paying you all her wages too

Eachpeachpears · 22/06/2021 11:43

At 18 I paid my parents £80 a month when I worked about 25hours a week. Come to think of it, the £80 was the amount they lost in family allowance from me dropping out of college so and understandable amount

PerveenMistry · 22/06/2021 11:46

@NewModelArmyMayhem18

I don't think you can expect her to fill in your childcare 'voids' so regularly and also charge her board and lodgings. One or the other, I'd say. And she's probably saving you more with the free babysitting than you'd gain with charging her.
Agree with this.

If she's a paying lodger she should have the same autonomy as any lodger would. Can't have it both ways.

PerveenMistry · 22/06/2021 11:48

@looptheloopinahulahoop

I think all of us with 18 year olds know that child benefit is about to stop (July? August?) so you need to plan for that.

If you are really struggling financially then it's probably not that unreasonable to ask for a contribution if she is earning a lot, but really the father should be paying adequate maintenance, it's not for your dd to subsidise her siblings because their dad is irresponsible.

And I've never thought it was fair for older siblings to be told to babysit younger kids. It's the parents' choice to have more than one child.

I was wondering, where is the youngest child's father? Shouldn't he be minding it, or providing money for care?
Bluntness100 · 22/06/2021 13:38

@Harryfrog12

Yes she should contribute. Not everyone has parents who can let their kids live rent free. This is life. My mum was a single parent and i started working at 15 part time and paid board as soon as i left school. Your costs have gone up so they should cover some of that. Bills are huge cost in life so its better to realise that early on
The kid prob does realise as she’s currently providing wrap around child care on top of working.
SwimBaby · 22/06/2021 13:42

I think the OP should be giving the 18 year old money not the other way around. The OP is saving lots of money in wrap around care fees and also the 18 year old doing this could be stifling their earning and job potential. I get that it’s difficult for the OP but it’s like the 18 year old is taking on part of the role of the second parent for the younger DC.

Tangled22 · 22/06/2021 13:43

@Mrgrinch

but some weeks if she is working my extra childcare can be £70 a week

This sounds like you're blaming your childcare costs on her?! It's quite the opposite, she's saving you thousands by doing the wraparound care. With this in mind I think YABU to expect money from her when you're already benefitting financially from her help.

If I were her and I had to pay I'd probably up my hours at work and be unavailable for childcare to accommodate the living costs.

This.

Her childcare contribution is worth £70 a week (so about £280 a month) - but you don’t pay her for this. Have you ever offered to pay her for this? Or just taking for granted she’ll provide childcare for free?

I don’t think it’s reasonable to charge her any rent. Imagine paying rent to live somewhere where you also have to provide unpaid childcare. It makes no sense.

Tangled22 · 22/06/2021 13:50

Actually considering just HOW MUCH childcare she does - drops to breakfast club, collects from after school club and minds the child til 8.30pm, so presumably dinner bath and bed routine, I think considering taking rent from her is really shocking.

An 18 year old shouldn’t be doing that much childcare for their sibling each week, especially not unpaid. I wonder if she helped out with childcare like this when she was under 18……

kurtney · 22/06/2021 13:54

I can't believe you want to charge her board when she's providing wrap around childcare. In fact, I'm actually a bit Shock

My DS is 16 and I can barely get him to watch his sister for a couple of hours per year. Which is as it should be. I would have seriously resented my parents if they'd put that on me and wanted me to make up the shortfall if I went out a couple of times a week or was working and they had to pay for childcare.

Either charge her board and pay someone else for your childcare or don't charge her board and be grateful for what she's saving you in childcare fees.

Maggiesfarm · 22/06/2021 14:05

I would have thought the babysitting would be sufficient contribution. She is only working part time.

khawk89 · 22/06/2021 14:15

I worked part time at 18/19 and my mum took a small amount. After, I was on job seekers and got something like £80, she took £40. Same as my brother. It seemed reasonable to me, I was an adult! The only one who complained was my sister who worked full time and refused to give my mum anything.

NigellaSeed · 22/06/2021 15:37

@sanityisamyth

When I was home on compassionate leave from uni, I had a full time, minimum wage job. My mother took 100% of my wages and the left me a space in the fridge for me to put my food. I wasn't allowed to take any other food. Except I couldn't afford to buy food as she had all my money. I lost a lot of weight in 10 months ...
@sanityisamyth - :O
I8toys · 22/06/2021 17:46

Nope not while working a part time job before going to uni.

Merryoldgoat · 22/06/2021 18:02

I can’t work out how much you work, but I’m assuming 3 days given the hours.

Three days of wraparound care for my son who is 8 would be £60 up to 5.30. So around £120 a week for up to 8.30pm.

She’s saving you over £300 a month on childcare.

Sounds like the arrangement washes its face to me.

Merryoldgoat · 22/06/2021 18:05

I also really detest older siblings being used as childcare but I have my own issues there.

YellowFish12 · 22/06/2021 18:06

@Tangled22

Actually considering just HOW MUCH childcare she does - drops to breakfast club, collects from after school club and minds the child til 8.30pm, so presumably dinner bath and bed routine, I think considering taking rent from her is really shocking.

An 18 year old shouldn’t be doing that much childcare for their sibling each week, especially not unpaid. I wonder if she helped out with childcare like this when she was under 18……

100% this

The 18 year old is stifling her own life chances here to progress on at work or study to provide childcare for a sibling

Lemonwoe · 22/06/2021 18:20

Normally I would say yes, she should contribute (I did at that age), but she only works part time, and she is saving you an absolute fortune in wrap around childcare.

Lemonwoe · 22/06/2021 18:23

And I am actually thinking you are a bit of a CF for taking advantage of her. You make it sound like your doing her a favour paying for childcare on the days she can’t do it.

Bluntness100 · 22/06/2021 18:36

@Lemonwoe

And I am actually thinking you are a bit of a CF for taking advantage of her. You make it sound like your doing her a favour paying for childcare on the days she can’t do it.
To be fair there is an undertone of that, yes, like she’s supposed to do it and it puts the op out when she doesn’t.

I abhor when parents palm their younger kids off on their older ones. And act like it’s their responsibility, it’s not. It’s the parents, all day, every day.

CatsArePeople · 22/06/2021 21:31

I also really detest older siblings being used as childcare but I have my own issues there.

I used to think so in the past, but not anymore. Everyone has certain responsibilities in the family. And it isn't too much to ask of a teenager to watch their younger sibling for an hour or two sometimes. Meaning they can still play their videogames or watch youtube, just keep an eye out that the younger sibling doesn't wreck the house.
Of course I could pay somebody else to do that. But then i will have less money for treats or days out.

thegcatsmother · 22/06/2021 21:42

Ds has just started his first full time job. He works in the same office as me. We've agreed to £200 a month, which is a contribution to food, petrol, (as he doesn't drive, so goes to work with me), electricity and water. He has no student debt whatsoever, and will be finally paying his own phone contract. As our respective salaries are just shy of £21k pa, it won't kill him to contribute.