Am I or is my mother? Childcare and working

[popcornfrenzy]

During a conversation with my mother the subject of the summer holidays came up. She had a go at me regards my arrangements, they are as follows:

Their dad is having them for the first 3 weeks then they are at a holiday club for the remaining 3 weeks. During this 3 weeks I'm off work for 2 of those and as I'm very new to my job they were the only 2 weeks in summer I could have. Her opinion is that during the 3 weeks they are with me then I should have insisted at my job that I have 2 weeks off so I could do stuff and spend time with my children. I work til 2pm 5 days a week and have Sundays and one day off in the week so I will be spending time with them.

AIBU? I'm really starting to question my parenting - DC are 11 and 6

So sorry - I’m not following very well, do you mean they are just doing one week at holiday club?

None of her business. Ignore.

While you can't demand anything of your job, you appear to be putting them in holiday club while you are on leave? Isn't this a waste of money?

Why are you putting them in holiday club if you’re off for two weeks, won’t have seen them for 3 weeks, and will be at work for the last week of their holidays? You won’t spend any time with them over the summer hols, despite having two weeks off

I’ve no idea which 3 weeks you’re off for 2 or quite what the issue is – taking a punt at it, you’re separated from the dad, he’s got the kids with him for 3 weeks and during that time you’ve got 2 weeks annual leave? Then during your 3 weeks time with the kids, you’re working so they’re in holiday club?

Whether that’s right or not, the key thing is: why is this your mum’s business and perhaps she could pipe down.

So your 2 weeks off is when their dad has them?

Sorry for the confusion - my 2 weeks off is while they are at their dads at the very beginning of the 6 weeks holidays

Non of her business. unless she is offering to do the childcare and is miffed about the timing,

Then swap your three weeks with his?

No crack on, enjoy your break and ignore your mother!!

Can you ask their dad if he will swop a week? However, as PP have said, it's ultimately nothing to do with your mum.

TBH I do find it a bit odd that you're taking two full weeks of annual leave and not using any of it to spend time with your children.

She's right, in an ideal world - new job and you only getting 2 weeks off which you can't pick isn't ideal so she needs to stop making you feel guilty! Or would she rather you didn't provide for your kids?

Do you have to take 2 weeks off then? Would it not be better to save some days for half-term/Christmas??
Assuming you can't swap weeks with the dad that is - maybe he has option to be flexible??

Can your ex maybe rejig his holidays?

Is it worth asking their dad if he will swap at least one of the weeks he has them, so that you get to spend some of the holiday with the DC?
It's not really anything to do with your mum though, unless he is involved in any of the childcare herself, and I don't think you can insist your employers' give you leave at a particular time.

Out of the question swapping the 3 weeks - things are fraught with the exh and that is the childcare arrangements otherwise I would.

@cupsofcoffee

TBH I do find it a bit odd that you're taking two full weeks of annual leave and not using any of it to spend time with your children.

It’s probably the only annual leave she could get, and the dad has probably said he’ll only take the kids then.

It’s probably the only annual leave she could get, and the dad has probably said he’ll only take the kids then.

Yes, this is a fair point.

Then there's nothing you can do. If you've already told your DM this and she continues to mention it, tell her it's not up for discussion.

No YANBU, and it's no ones business, not even the ones on this thread. You only work til 2 anyway so can still do lots with them. They'll have fun at a holiday club!

Is it not worth seeing if you can take the annual leave some other time - why does it need to be over the summer?

I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty, but surely you're going to nee those two weeks to cover half term/Easter/Christmas later in the year?

A mixed bag of answers, thank you - my mother has always had something to say about my parenting and over the years has really made me question myself. I feel Mum guilt everyday

TBH I do find it a bit odd that you're taking two full weeks of annual leave and not using any of it to spend time with your children.

if OP is new to the company that's probably all she could get. Children usually love holiday clubs so they'll be fine. Next year it will be better.

Or what does OPs mum expect? that OP walks in and demands one of her colleagues gives up their holiday for her?

I don’t know why your mum is bothered, but it seems excessive to spend two weeks of precious annual without your kids. Won’t you need some for the rest of the year?