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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I or is my mother? Childcare and working

100 replies

popcornfrenzy · 21/06/2021 18:05

During a conversation with my mother the subject of the summer holidays came up. She had a go at me regards my arrangements, they are as follows:

Their dad is having them for the first 3 weeks then they are at a holiday club for the remaining 3 weeks. During this 3 weeks I'm off work for 2 of those and as I'm very new to my job they were the only 2 weeks in summer I could have. Her opinion is that during the 3 weeks they are with me then I should have insisted at my job that I have 2 weeks off so I could do stuff and spend time with my children. I work til 2pm 5 days a week and have Sundays and one day off in the week so I will be spending time with them.

AIBU? I'm really starting to question my parenting - DC are 11 and 6

OP posts:

cupsofcoffee · 21/06/2021 18:21

@Brefugee

TBH I do find it a bit odd that you're taking two full weeks of annual leave and not using any of it to spend time with your children.

if OP is new to the company that's probably all she could get. Children usually love holiday clubs so they'll be fine. Next year it will be better.

Or what does OPs mum expect? that OP walks in and demands one of her colleagues gives up their holiday for her?

OP says it's the only two weeks available all summer - but surely she doesn't need to take them both then?

I'm just thinking about making it easier to cover things like INSET days etc. going forward.

Twilow · 21/06/2021 18:23

I wouldn't tell her anything. Not like she's offering to look after them herself.

ARoseDowntown · 21/06/2021 18:23

Well if your job won’t budge, and your ex won’t budge, you don’t have a choice. What does your mum actually suggest? Or is she the type to just complain without offering solutions?

ARoseDowntown · 21/06/2021 18:24

Also, critical mum or not, working Mum or not, single mum or not - we all of us feel some sort of guilt at some point or another.

Don’t waste your quota on things that can’t be changed.

Original poster

popcornfrenzy · 21/06/2021 18:24

Can't really take the annual leave any other time as it gets extremely busy from September onwards. For inset days I can use my day off in the week so they're covered. My DC love holiday clubs and are really looking forward to doing new stuff everyday

OP posts:

UserAtRandom · 21/06/2021 18:24

Your holiday childcare arrangements are fine.

It's unusual that your company has required you to take 2 weeks in the summer holidays (usually a sought after time) so I assume you've actually opted to take holiday then. That will just end up meaning you have to pay for more childcare at another time of year (when you might be able to get the same holiday as your children) so seems extremely odd.

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/06/2021 18:24

It's not ideal but it's a one off and none of her business.

trilbydoll · 21/06/2021 18:25

I think you're mad for taking 2 weeks in the summer when you don't have to - have some term time child free days instead! From a parenting point of view I can't see the issue, it's just the way things have fallen this year.

cupsofcoffee · 21/06/2021 18:26

@popcornfrenzy

That's fine then - just carry on as you are :)

Original poster

popcornfrenzy · 21/06/2021 18:27

I also think their dad is taking them away camping so they will get a 'holiday' the DC normally get taken abroad somewhere but obviously covid has put paid to that for the previous year and this one. Next year will be very different

OP posts:

lardylegs123 · 21/06/2021 18:27

It's not ideal, but that's life sometimes.

maddening · 21/06/2021 18:34

So they are with their dad for 3 weeks, holiday club 5 days over 3 next weeks and you for 10 days over the 3 next weeks?

Sounds fine and like there is little other option, unless the grandparents can offer to help?

shouldistop · 21/06/2021 18:36

I'd try to swap but other than that it's not your mums business. You can't demand things at work. Does she have a job?!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 21/06/2021 18:40

Not much you can do if your work won't accommodate you holiday wise. What does she expect you to give up your job?

ZenNudist · 21/06/2021 18:41

This is fine. The 2 weeks you are off will be good chance to recharge minus children and It's not like you've got any choice.

Kids love holiday clubs. You are doing the right thing.

Are they going away this year at all?

My family are useless but I'm getting a few days grandparents care. Why doesn't your mum help?

Pollypudding · 21/06/2021 18:44

YANBU- you can’t choose your preferred holidays this year as you are new to the job- your DC sound like they are going to have a great summer and I really hope that have some lovely things planned for yourself during your AL.
You haven’t been clear if your Mums issue is that she won’t be able to spend as much time as she would have liked with DGC?

greenlynx · 21/06/2021 18:51

I think you’ve got a mixed bag of answers just because the details were a bit unclear at first. YANBU, You can’t swap with their Dad and you can’t change the situation at work. So what can you do? It’s not the end of the world, it’s just this year.

optimistic40 · 21/06/2021 18:56

I'm a single parent and sometimes take holiday when they're with their dads. You deal with all the day to day stuff and there is nothing wrong with you getting a break. You only work until 2 the other days so there will be plenty of time to do things with the children.

Ragwort · 21/06/2021 18:56

Why is your mother even commenting? It's absolutely nothing to do with her. You have sorted out childcare and you get a child free break, sounds ideal . Yet again a mother feeling pressurised and made to feel guilty (by her own mother ).

Twoforthree · 21/06/2021 18:57

Well you do t really have a choice do you, so no point feeling guilty.

Blossomtoes · 21/06/2021 18:59

@popcornfrenzy

Sorry for the confusion - my 2 weeks off is while they are at their dads at the very beginning of the 6 weeks holidays

Did it not occur to you to swap with him for those two weeks?

MargosKaftan · 21/06/2021 19:08

How much holiday do you get?

TBH - if you can't get time off when you have your dcs, I would think it odd to take a full 2 weeks off when they are at their dads, rather than use those holiday allowance days at October half term or the odd days through the year they hit you with an INSET day or there's an assembly /play to attend in your work hours. (I have spent the morning negotiating swapping hours with a colleague so we can attend all the stuff both our dcs schools have rescheduled for 19th-21st July!)

MargosKaftan · 21/06/2021 19:12

@maddening - I read it as they have 6 weeks holiday. Weeks 1-3 with dad, weeks 4-6 with OP, she has to work all the time she has them, so they will be going to childcare, but she finishes work at 2 so can pick them up early and still have time to do fun stuff with them.

The only leave she can get in the summer is in weeks 1-3 and exp won't swap when he has the dcs.

Dustyhedge · 21/06/2021 19:15

It’s not really the ideal set-up but sounds like you didn’t get a huge amount of choice. Do you have to take full weeks? I’d have maybe taken one week without them if you need to use your leave up and then tried for some odd days while they were with you or to save a week to carry over.

Clickbait · 21/06/2021 19:18

In the circumstances, it sounds like there's not much you can do about this OP.

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