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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I or is my mother? Childcare and working

100 replies

popcornfrenzy · 21/06/2021 18:05

During a conversation with my mother the subject of the summer holidays came up. She had a go at me regards my arrangements, they are as follows:

Their dad is having them for the first 3 weeks then they are at a holiday club for the remaining 3 weeks. During this 3 weeks I'm off work for 2 of those and as I'm very new to my job they were the only 2 weeks in summer I could have. Her opinion is that during the 3 weeks they are with me then I should have insisted at my job that I have 2 weeks off so I could do stuff and spend time with my children. I work til 2pm 5 days a week and have Sundays and one day off in the week so I will be spending time with them.

AIBU? I'm really starting to question my parenting - DC are 11 and 6

OP posts:

Aprilx · 21/06/2021 20:56

I think it is odd that you are taking two weeks of annual leave when your children are not around too. You don’t have to take a summer holiday / annual leave in the summer, I’d save the days up for another time.

Mulhollandmagoo · 21/06/2021 20:56

At the age your kids are at, and particularly given that they won't have spent much time socialising with other kids over the past year, holiday club will do them the absolute world of good I think.

If you're finishing at 2pm and having one day off per week plus Sundays you will be able to do things, it's usually warm and light til at least 9pm in summer so they'll be entry of time for you to do things.

Thousands of parents are in the same predicament mover the summer holidays and we all just scrape by as best we can, don't pay any attention to your mum. Enjoy those two blissful weeks off!

PurpleMustang · 21/06/2021 20:58

I think that it is fine. You can't swop the 3 weeks with ex so nothing you can do there. You are nee to a job so got last dibs on the weeks you can have so nothing you can do there either. If you are new to a job in some the holiday calendar is sorted months ahead and you have joined once it was all done and dusted. What does your mum want you to do. Cause an argument with ex and demand he changes or throw your toys out of the pram at a new job. She needs to wind her neck in. Nobody's at fault. You can have a relaxing/productive 2 weeks while they are away. And like you said next year will be different. Good luck with the new job

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/06/2021 21:02

I don’t see why your mum has to get involved! None of her business.

I know teachers who have their kids in holiday club some of the hols because the lids like it/ want to go. It’s not necessary just for people with no other option.

Bit mean of your ex not to swap though!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/06/2021 21:03

Also some divorced teachers who have time off when their exh has the kids, because he still wants part of the holidays- understandably so! - even though she has no choice but to be off work then.

Nicknacky · 21/06/2021 21:04

@dopeyduck Do you think people with children should only take leave during the holidays or when they have childcare issues?

I’m frequently on leave when the kids are at school and I don’t have childcare issues. It’s not odd at all.

thegcatsmother · 21/06/2021 21:08

OP My Mum still questions my parenting and ds is 25!!

likeafishneedsabike · 21/06/2021 21:09

@Mulhollandmagoo

At the age your kids are at, and particularly given that they won't have spent much time socialising with other kids over the past year, holiday club will do them the absolute world of good I think.

Thousands of parents are in the same predicament mover the summer holidays and we all just scrape by as best we can, don't pay any attention to your mum. Enjoy those two blissful weeks off!

Exactly this. You’ll be able to go for swims and bike rides and all kinds of fun in the afternoons and evenings. If you don’t get too tired at work your kids can have friends to play in the afternoons. It will be a great summer I am sure - especially as you will have some re-charge time before the kids get back from their camping with exh. Your mum needs something else to occupy her mind.

blacksax · 21/06/2021 21:15

@dopeyduck

I find it very odd that you'd have two weeks off and not spend any of that time with the kids.

I mean I totally get that you'd want a couple or even a few days to yourself to see friends / go away or see a partner etc but two weeks is excessive.

Also why bother taking two weeks off when you don't have childcare commitments anyway? People in my office are desperate for time off over summer because they genuinely have no options for childcare, does someone else not need atleast some of it? If I found out someone was in your position whilst I missed time with my kid or struggled with childcare I'd think they were very selfish.

I'm shocked about how many people on here managed to make children with another adult and yet they can not get their shit together enough to be amicable and reasonable about daily mundane arrangements like childcare.

Why should people with children get first dibs at decent holiday weeks? It would be discriminatory. It's not selfish to want time off in the summertime. Everyone should have equal rights when it comes to booking holiday off work, whether they have kids or not.

It is in fact selfish to expect people to bend over backwards to accommodate colleagues who chose to have kids. You made your bed, you lie in it.

converseandjeans · 21/06/2021 21:17

Has she offered to help? It doesn't sound like you have much choice.

Maybe plan some nice days out when you're off for those odd days.

If they're getting a camping trip when they're with their Dad then it sounds fine.

Maybe plan something for October half term?

converseandjeans · 21/06/2021 21:19

Also if you finish 2pm then you can do some stuff in the evenings with them?

rookiemere · 21/06/2021 21:21

OP it sounds like you don't have many options with weeks this year, so just ignore your DM and enjoy your break.

Youdoyoutoday · 21/06/2021 21:31

So? You get a break which is probably well needed and a chance to do a few things that you want to do, catch up with friends, couple of bits around the house etc. The kids get to see their dad and go to holiday club which they will probably love, so just ignore your mum and enjoy your 2 weeks.

altiara · 21/06/2021 21:33

So kids are having a holiday with their dad and going to holiday club which they enjoy. Plus you finish work at 2pm so will be able to spend lots of time with them.
Of all the years to not get your holiday at the time you want it, this is the best year! Carry on with no mum guilt and ignore your mum. I can imagine mine saying the same thing! But I’d prefer to keep my job!

BusyLizzie61 · 21/06/2021 21:59

@popcornfrenzy

Sorry for the confusion - my 2 weeks off is while they are at their dads at the very beginning of the 6 weeks holidays

Why haven't you renegotiated the tile off, explaining the issues?

BusyLizzie61 · 21/06/2021 22:01

@popcornfrenzy

Can't really take the annual leave any other time as it gets extremely busy from September onwards. For inset days I can use my day off in the week so they're covered. My DC love holiday clubs and are really looking forward to doing new stuff everyday

Can you please it at least book off October half term, week at Christmas etc then rather than using it up unnecessarily? Unless of course you're planning on enjoying time off?

BraxtonChic · 21/06/2021 22:13

Take the 2 weeks and enjoy yourself.

Politely ignore your DM - not her DC or her life.

If I had my time again (single parent for over 10 years) I would take every spare day to myself I could.

Original poster

popcornfrenzy · 21/06/2021 22:15

I will be doing loads with the kids in the evenings and Sundays (covid permitting, of course) we live on the south coast with a beach 10 minutes away so have plans to visit every available opportunity. Thank you all for your replies glad to hear others have these issues

OP posts:

Knittedfairies · 21/06/2021 22:18

You've got the school holidays covered for childcare, so you're doing well. What your mother thinks is immaterial as she's not involved.

canary1 · 21/06/2021 22:19

But wouldn’t you save the two weeks annual leave and take it at a time the kids are off? I don’t understand, you are new to the job so maybe get stuck in while they are at their dad’s. Then you have some leave left to cover the school hols over the year. Surely like most people you get 6 or so weeks off a year and the kids are on school hols for 13 weeks a year. Why wouldn’t you try to have your 2 weeks off with them? Though I know someone who is taking parental leave for August and putting their kid in childcare for the whole thing!! I do wonder why have kids in the first place, in that scenario though...

ineedaholidaynow · 21/06/2021 22:44

@canary1 I assume everyone else had booked leave so those 2 weeks were the only one available to the OP. They may also have to take leave in certain periods. MIL worked in retail and there were certain weeks when she couldn’t take holiday

canary1 · 21/06/2021 22:46

Yes maybe that’s case but it’s not clear. I am assuming she is new to the job and isn’t forced to take annual leave in summer. This would leave leave to be taken when the kids are off school, which far exceeds anyone’s leave entitlement. So there should be plenty of opportunity.

Nicknacky · 21/06/2021 22:49

@canary1 Annual leave isn’t just about childcare or spending time with the kids, it’s also about a rest from work.

CorianderBee · 21/06/2021 23:03

My partner was at clubs/summer care from 8am to 7pm every summer of his entire childhood and it hasn't affected him or his parental relationships one jot. It's fine, you hardly had a choice.

Womencanlift · 21/06/2021 23:16

@dopeyduck there was quite a lengthy thread recently about this topic and the consensus was that (quite rightly) anyone can take holidays at any time

Your children are not the responsibility of your colleagues. If childless people want to have two weeks in July then they have every right to. There are multiple reasons as to why they might want that time off

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