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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Considering a 5 hours per day school run

263 replies

Cactusowl · 21/06/2021 15:18

My son has been offered a place at a lovely school which is around an hour away. It’s an independent SEN school and will suit him so much better than his current mainstream.
We are taking our council to a tribunal in the hope they will name the school on my sons EHCP and therefore pay the fees/taxi. The court date isn’t set until October. I have the option to pay for the school myself so he can start in September, I will have to drive him myself for a minimum of half a term or max 3 years if we lose our appeal.

Has anyone done a long school run like this? Was it manageable and did it get any easier? AIBU to even consider this journey is sustainable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cactusowl · 21/06/2021 19:33

@ByeClare tribunals are still being held online in October so hopefully that wasn’t be an issue. Also means in don’t need to pay the travel costs of any of my witnesses!

OP posts:
ByeClare · 21/06/2021 19:34

@Cactusowl well that’s something at least!

me4real · 21/06/2021 19:36

you sound entitled expecting the council to foot the bill.

@singleagain22 You don't know what you're talking about and should apologize to OP. It's not unusual for councils to pay for this if a school is considered best for the child with SEN. A friend gets taxis sent by the council to cover a similar trip. It's the council's responsibility to enable these children with disabilities or special needs to have an education like any other child, and they need specialized schools and other provisions so they can access that.

It's not a luxury OP is asking for.

danni0509 · 21/06/2021 19:36

@hiredandsqueak the mileage allowance, is it counted as taxable income? Counted for means tested benefit purposes?

Also are you paid monthly for it it etc.

The council offered us it but we declined, ds has taxi transport but we are having problems with ds playing up in the taxi (whole other story) so need to think forward incase they won’t take him anymore.

Thanks.

danni0509 · 21/06/2021 19:38

@hiredandsqueak sorry I thought of another question.

Do they pay mileage for there / back, there / back?

pinkmagnolias · 21/06/2021 19:39

Its up to you as to whether you can commit to it.

For your DS, an hour each way is fine. I grew up in a rural location and many kids from surrounding villages did that and longer on a rickety bus that stopped every few minutes picking up and dropping off children. Sitting in your own car is doable.

But.....I drive my children a 1 round trip to school every day. Due to different finishing times, I used spend 1.5 hours sitting in the car and waiting for my second child to finish. That is a long time just sitting around. If you have an activity to do, if you can bring a book, find a nice park to walk in, it will be fine. for a limited time.

If you did manage to go home, how long would you have at home before you had to set off again to pick your child up?

ineedaholidaynow · 21/06/2021 19:39

@singleagain22 I am not a great expert in this area, but even I know you are being a complete arse with your comment

me4real · 21/06/2021 19:39

@Cactusowl I would wait for all the stuff to be ironed out though maybe, IDK. I hope you have proffessionals who could give you advice/input on whether you should start him at the school before the council stuff is sorted.

hiredandsqueak · 21/06/2021 19:42

@danni0509 It's not taxable, doesn't affect benefits, is paid monthly and yes they pay for four journeys each day.

danni0509 · 21/06/2021 19:46

@hiredandsqueak thank you! 😊

ByeClare · 21/06/2021 19:47

For your DS, an hour each way is fine.

It’s not possible to make such a blanket statement when you’re talking about a child with SEN. Many will be fine, not all. And while they may be ok doing it in their mother’s car, they may not be so fine in a taxi with other children with SEN, which is an arrangement the OP hopes/thinks may happen.

The OP’s DS is reaching or has reached GCSE age. If he does GCSEs he’ll have homework, and that hour or more journey on the way home may become a “waste” of his time that he can do without. Again, fine for most NT teens perhaps, but not a given for a tent with SEND.

ByeClare · 21/06/2021 19:48

“Tent”? Blush Teen!

olivethegreat · 21/06/2021 19:50

I did this for a year (hour each way), but often went and worked in the library near the school so it was only 2 hours some days.

It was fine but both me and dd look back now and think 'how did we do that!'
It was due to moving area but waiting to finish at the same primary. I'd do it again as it was worth it but it wasn't fun

olivethegreat · 21/06/2021 19:52

It did exhaust dd though and affected her at school, probably had more impact on her than me

TheOtherTrees · 21/06/2021 19:52

It’s do-able I reckon and I’d consider it if I didn’t work I guess... a woman I know does similar - only 2-3 days a week she goes to a private health club near the school. Saves petrol cash and maximises her daytimes, she takes calls and does admin from the club lounge...

Fieldsofstars · 21/06/2021 19:52

No don’t it, it’s not sustainable.
I used to do a slightly smaller journey in secondary and oh my goodness, the tiredness.

ElfDragon · 21/06/2021 20:03

I do slightly more than that, due to 2 dc out of county.

I’m in the car (on a good day) from 7.30-10.15am, and 2.30-5.5.15pm.

It is absolutely shattering, if I’m honest. I do a lot of miles too, given the locations of each school (about 170 miles a day). It is expensive fuel wise, and I need to service my car every 6 months instead of annually, due to mileage and wear and tear.

If I had any other choice, I wouldn’t do it, but both dds are at the school they need to be at for their respective needs (and both progressing well), so there is that consolation. I would say do consider very carefully what it will mean, both time wise and cost wise. It does have a big impact on everything.

BlankTimes · 21/06/2021 20:03

An hour journey an help a child with AN have some processing and downtime between leaving school and coming home. It worked well for us.

Living rurally, lots of parents of NT kids did the same type of journey time daily.

undertheblue · 21/06/2021 20:08

It's interesting that people think it's too far / too long for a child to travel. I wonder how much people realise that education is so limited for SEN children and that there are very few if none door step opportunities for our children. We don't get the luxury of living in the community where our child goes to school.

My son travels by taxi for 50 mins each way. There are 5 year olds at his school that have to travel over an hour. Some primary age have to weekly board so they can access education as it's the only one of its type in the county.

Op, if I were you, I would self fund the taxi service that the LEA would probably pay after the tribunal. Start as you mean to go on.

Hawkins001 · 21/06/2021 20:09

Which is more important, a hours 4 hours a day traveling or a better school ?

Cheesypea · 21/06/2021 20:21

If you can afford to pay the fees on an ongoing basis and can hack the commute then do it op. If not wait for the tribunal outcome.

Backthewaywecame · 21/06/2021 20:23

Re the journey for the child, each child is different. I have two dc in separate special schools who have a taxi and they have always found it hard, especially if they have to travel with other children. We have also had times when they have refused to get in the taxi or it has not been deemed safe for them to travel and I have been called to collect them from school.

DoubleTweenQueen · 21/06/2021 20:30

I have a three hour daily run. It’s fine. We go through nice countryside, we listen to music, we have a laugh, practice spellings. It’s fine for us. I don’t mind it. I do shopping on the way back which I would need to do anyway. Sometimes I take the dog and we go for a lovely walk somewhere along the route after drop-off.

5hrs though? But for a particular school you are certain will be beneficial for your son? That’s probably more important to you. Only you can decide if it’s worth the commute.

Tanith · 21/06/2021 20:30

I would think very carefully about that journey at all, and I certainly wouldn't recommend you do it yourself every day.

We cared for a boy with a similar journey attending an independent SEN school. It was on his statement so he had a council-paid taxi to take him to school and back.
At first, the taxi also had a chaperone, who was responsible for looking after the children so they didn't distract the driver. After a few years, they cut back and only the driver was employed. It was utter hell on earth! The poor driver resigned after a term. They soon switched back to using a driver and chaperone.

The journey was long enough anyway. Coupled with the traffic jams, accidents and rush hour traffic that made delays a regular occurrence, it became intolerable with the children kicking off in the car and really needing that chaperone to calm them down and distract them.
They were once stuck on the motorway for over 4 hours, hot, hungry and overtired. He was beside himself when he arrived at our house.
Eventually, he boarded weekly, and that was much better.

It's really tough to do a journey like this every day and I wouldn't do it alone.

Lovemusic33 · 21/06/2021 20:33

My dd travels out of our county to school, she goes by taxi and it takes a hour or longer some days as she shares a taxi with two others, she’s the first to be collected. I am looking at a 16+ placement for her which if further away but has the possibility or residential .

Luckily my dd loves being in the car so doesn’t mind the journey but I do find it hard to fit everything thing into the day as she leaves at 7.30am and gets home at 4.30-5pm (depending on traffic), evenings are a bit of a rush with cooking dinner, bathing, homework and then bed so there’s not much time for after school activities.

It is really hard to find the right school for a sn child so many have to travel a fair distance,