Mistakingly confusing sex of a child

[Husbandno3]

Met a work colleague in the park the other day. I did not know she had a child as we arnt that close and mostly discuss work related matters.
The child was about 4 and was dressed in shorts and t shirt. They had long messy hair. I said ‘…and whose this little chap then?’ at the kid who got a bit upset and went to hide behind mum. Turns out, I her name is Charlotte. Obviously immediately apologised, massively embarrassed and mum appeared fine.
But did make me think whether that is something one might take offence to?
Would any of you be offended if someone you didn’t know confused your child’s sex?
People who don’t know the child already, must confuse babies all the time, but at what age do you think you would start to be a bit irked if someone didn’t recognise your child as the sex they are?

I couldn't (and didn't) get wound up about it.

I wouldn't mind and would hope it teaches you a lesson about assuming everyone follows the stereotypes.

Well I’m not really sure why you’re asking as you say the mum was fine. Who was offended?

Happens to my little girl quite a bit, doesn't bother me

Kids look much the same when they’re little. I wouldn’t stress about it.

I think kids who are old enough to be at pre-school/nursery don't like being called the opposite sex but it could be a shyness thing
It's always safest to use a gender neutral word like asking about minicolleaguesname to be safe

Happens to my kids all the time. I would say people get it right about 10% of the time. None of us cares.

If the child was wearing a pink tutu and a tiara I would probably assume it was a girl.

I don’t understand, who was offended?

My DS got confused for a girl frequently as he has gorgeous curly hair just past his shoulders. I used to say to people (if they spoke about my ‘daughter’), “oh don’t worry, happens all the time, it’s the hair isn’t it”.

It never bothered him at all and once puberty hit, there was no mistaking he’s a male.

DS has long hair. I'm not sure if the shop assistant thought that DS1 or I was DS2's sister

When people mistake DS1 for a girl we just politely correct them. It happens less as he's got older as his face has grown but he's still fairly androdgenous to the casual glance.

DS is 9 and has longish (chin-length), blonde hair - skater style so not a neat bob or anything. He wears "boy's" glasses (i.e. heavy framed, black and green frames) and stereotypical boy's clothes - joggers, gaming t-shirts, shorts etc. He throws himself around the place with abandon and is usually found making stupid noises, pretending to shoot people etc. Yet random people constantly refer to him as a girl! It can only be the hair as he doesn't present as a girl in any other way at all. It vaguely bothers him (as in he'll go, "hey! I'm not a girl") but he's not mortally offended and neither am I. It does baffle me though!

This happened to my 2.5 year old DD last week! I don't think DD noticed (she isn't a great communicator). I didnt mind, I didnt bother to correct as it was a stranger just saying how small 'he' is and to be fair she was wearing a football kit so I can see how it happened

It didn't and doesn't bother me that my boys are/were mistaken for girls, I just take that to mean that they are beautiful It doesn't happen that often anymore, but occasionally my 3 year old is because he wants long hair and has a sort of halo of messy blonde curls and a very cute smile, despite him choosing only dark 'boy' colours to wear every day.

Seriously though, I've seen that it's parents of girls that are more likely to get upset if their child is mistaken for a boy, I'm not sure why.

No one was offended but I asked my wife about it and said I should be careful as some people would get really offended by that so I just wondered what others thought.

There's no need to assume anything, simply

"so who's this"
rather than
"so who's this little chap?"

And the conversation works fine without offence, it's pretty unlikely that anyone will take offence, but avoiding it is so trivial for you to do, you should do it anyway.

Happened to my 3 year old son at weekend "whose is this beautiful lassie then?". I was trying to be polite so I said "that's my son, Oliver". The man then said "well his hairs so long he looks like a girl". So I asked if he thought those outdated ideas around what a girl/boy looks like we're something he still really adhered to. He didn't reply and left the table. I wasn't offended at all, just surprised that people still think that way let alone say it.

DS has hair to his waist. He gets called a girl all the time, and my children called 'sisters'. He just says 'oh, I'm a boy'. He has begun puberty, has a jawline that's so square it would give Roger Ramjet a run for his money (ok, 2021 update, Henry Cavill), an Adams apple, and wears boys clothes...
People just don't look past the hair!

@UhtredRagnarson

Well I’m not really sure why you’re asking as you say the mum was fine. Who was offended?

The child apparently, if you read the OP.

I just avoid referring to gender. I'd never say "who's this little chap?"

I'd say "hello there, what's your name?"

It wouldn’t bother me. DS has blonde curly hair and wears lots of differently coloured clothes, and he’s been referred to as a girl about 3 or 4 times (by strangers in the park). Cannot possibly imagine getting wound up about it. More than happy for him to have his hair cut shorter when he is old enough to decide for himself and/or sit still enough.

DS was a very pretty wee girl...

There is a photo of me from the 80s on holiday wearing pink and green shorts/tee, FURIOUS because a man had asked my dad how old his little boy was! I tend to be vague when I meet a child I am not sure about - who is this little one, for example - just in case.

And, DS is completely unfazed by it because he doesn't see being a girl as a negative thing in any way. (In true MN stylee, natch)

I’ve got a 3 month old baby, it can be pretty impossible to tell with other similarly aged babies at baby groups. I say “what’s your little one’s name?”
Sometimes the name doesn’t help

I would just take it that the child was shy because they were addressed directly by a strange adult that they don’t know (probably with too much eye contact as well).