Mistakingly confusing sex of a child

[Husbandno3]

Met a work colleague in the park the other day. I did not know she had a child as we arnt that close and mostly discuss work related matters.
The child was about 4 and was dressed in shorts and t shirt. They had long messy hair. I said ‘…and whose this little chap then?’ at the kid who got a bit upset and went to hide behind mum. Turns out, I her name is Charlotte. Obviously immediately apologised, massively embarrassed and mum appeared fine.
But did make me think whether that is something one might take offence to?
Would any of you be offended if someone you didn’t know confused your child’s sex?
People who don’t know the child already, must confuse babies all the time, but at what age do you think you would start to be a bit irked if someone didn’t recognise your child as the sex they are?

I would probably use 'chap' for a girl too tbh. As a term of endearment rather than gender.

But either way its fine. At least when they are under 7. After that ppl might get a bit pissed off with u lol.

My DS(6) has long hair in a ponytail and gets 'she' and 'her' all the time! He's used to it now and is totally not bothered. I don't even correct people if it's a one off meeting anymore. Once even I drove round the corner and momentarily thought he was a girl I'd never seen before 😳

At 4 the child is pretty likely to have no idea what a chap is :)
Probably just shy.

@Umberellatheweatha

I would probably use 'chap' for a girl too tbh. As a term of endearment rather than gender.

But either way its fine. At least when they are under 7. After that ppl might get a bit pissed off with u lol.

It's not a term of endearment though is it?

Chap means man. That's the definition.
Would you say "who is this little man?" "who is this little bloke?" "who is this little fella?" to a girl as well?

Chap is a gendered term. It just is.

I would just use a gender-neutral term like "little one" or "child"; these words are perfectly good enough.

It’s happened to me lots over the years with my DC and I’m not really phased anymore. It did piss me off with DC1 but then so did people I knew ‘copying’ his name. First time Mum’s can be pretty precious about weird things, I’m really not bothered anymore.

My 7 year old daughter has been really upset several times when people have assumed she was a boy and addressed her as “young man” etc. She lost her hair because of chemo and it was a huge thing for her. It never happened to her pre chemo so it was purely because of those societal beliefs about hair length. In some ways it doesn’t matter - but it really really did to her. Please keep comments gender neutral.

I think people generally go on all sorts of things - clothes, shape, hair etc - very quickly and it's hard to pin down what's made someone think that a kid is a girl or a boy. In my drama club there was a boy who was very camp, dressed in quite bright colours but had short hair, wore traditional "boy clothes", had a boy's name etc - SO many of the other kids thought of him as a girl and referred to him as "she", and I was never sure why. Not sure he was really bothered either way.

Actually this is reminding me of when I was about 12 and went to a party where I made friends with a really nice girl a bit older than me with waist-length hair and an unusual name, "Joss". We spent a really fun day together. Fast forward about 10 years and my new boyfriend tells me his friend Joss recognised my name because HE had really fancied me when he was about 13 but couldn't work out if I liked him back... Didn't have the heart to tell him that I hadn't even realised he was a boy.

My daughter was dressed head to toe in pink with a little bow in her hair and got told how cute he was by an older lady. Didn't bother me. She got the cute bit right

One of mine was always being mistaken for a girl when young. Must have been the long hair.

My eldest dd was often mistaken for a boy up until she was about 2. I didn't mind , I just laughed it off and corrected the person - but the weird thing was, the person who made the mistake often seemed quite offended themselves! Like they were affronted that I hadn't dressed dd in a pink headband to spare them the embarrassment of getting it wrong! Weird

@Judystilldreamsofhorses

There is a photo of me from the 80s on holiday wearing pink and green shorts/tee, FURIOUS because a man had asked my dad how old his little boy was! I tend to be vague when I meet a child I am not sure about - who is this little one, for example - just in case.

I have a similar holiday memory but what really made me cross was that when the man was (very politely) corrected, he came back with "well why doesn't she wear a skirt like any normal woman?".

I was about 9.

My nephew has blond curly shoulder length hair.

I was out with him, my niece and daughters and someone said ‘ooh you’ve got your hands full there with 4 girls!’ I just smiled and nodded. Could not care less. Neither can his parents.

My DD nearly two still has so little hair and is quite “rough and tumble”. She regularly gets mistaken for a boy. It doesn’t bother me at all!

I have a long haired boy who would probably look indistinguishable from your friends little girl. He frequently gets mistaken for a girl and he just corrects people or I do. Usually people are really embarrassed and apologetic but I really don’t see it as a big deal (and neither does he!). Don’t worry about it.

When my DS was a toddler he was often mistaken for a girl. He had collar length hair (blonde curls). I used to dress him in blues and reds and bright colours. I recall one occasion he had on dark blue cord trousers, blue checked shirt, hand knitted blue and red flecked v necked sweater and red boots. Two people that day mistook him for a girl. I was not at all offended. Though I couldn’t myself see how they made the mistake. He’s 10 now and has grown his hair long over the past year. He’s not that big and has quite delicate features. He is occasionally mistaken for a girl now. His outfit of choice is black jeans with a Star Wars t shirt and camo jacket. Or similar. This leads me to think it’s mostly the hair/face that informs the view of others as to the sex of a child. He does mind a bit about it. But not enough to get his hair cut.

I always say something like, "And who's this gorgeous little one?" when I'm not sure.

I wouldn't be offended at all (plus it's pretty obvious looking at the way my kids were dressed)

but some people might. People get offended by anything these days.

When DD was a baby and not a lot of hair a put a pink blanket on her and a woman regularly asked how was HE . No big deal

@eddiemairswife

If the child was wearing a pink tutu and a tiara I would probably assume it was a girl.

I have a G Nephew who dressed like this (with pink nail varnish)! He worshipped his older sister so would have been pleased!

He's older now and likes tech more.

Ds loves pink. He was always called she. No offence was ever taken.

Naked on the beach my 1year old pretty looking boy got called a girl! Happens all the time..

My sisters and I were regularly mistaken for boys when we were children - up to the age of 7 or 8, as far as I recall. That was in the 1960s.

I don't think any of us were bothered by it. In fact it happened so often we thought It was funny.

Oh.. And when I was out with my identical twin God Daughters in a pink buggy, pink snowsuit, pink hats, pink shoes I was stopped (they always drew attention) and asked if they were boys or girls!

Mine's 11 and people STILL assume he's a girl.

He just smiles and says "my name's Unmistakably Boy Name", he's not at all bothered by it. He wanted his hair cut from mid-back length a couple of years back but only to his shoulders - it's so he can wash and untangle it himself rather than needing help with it.