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Original poster

Mistakingly confusing sex of a child

109 replies

Husbandno3 · 21/06/2021 14:46

Met a work colleague in the park the other day. I did not know she had a child as we arnt that close and mostly discuss work related matters.
The child was about 4 and was dressed in shorts and t shirt. They had long messy hair. I said ‘…and whose this little chap then?’ at the kid who got a bit upset and went to hide behind mum. Turns out, I her name is Charlotte. Obviously immediately apologised, massively embarrassed and mum appeared fine.
But did make me think whether that is something one might take offence to?
Would any of you be offended if someone you didn’t know confused your child’s sex?
People who don’t know the child already, must confuse babies all the time, but at what age do you think you would start to be a bit irked if someone didn’t recognise your child as the sex they are?

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/06/2021 15:12

Mine were always mistaken for boys as toddlers. Elder DD didn't need to tie her hair back or have a hair cut until she was five.

Shorts, t shirt and a hat and most children look the same. A dress may indicate girl... Unless it's a princess dress.

swampytiggaa · 21/06/2021 15:13

Tbh I’m a 51 year old woman with a pretty substantial bust. I regularly get called sir or my favourite is young man 😂😂 at work. It’s the hair… I have a buzz cut and people don’t look past it. It’s slightly easier without a mask because I like bright lippy 😊

avocadotofu · 21/06/2021 15:14

This happens to my DS who's 2.8 a lot. He's got long blonde hair which is why he gets confused for a girl a lot. We don't mind at all!

swampytiggaa · 21/06/2021 15:15

Meant to say I think it’s funny I don’t get offended. My uniform doesn’t help we all wear pretty much the same 😊

Tuberoses · 21/06/2021 15:17

Pre pubescent kids look fairly androgynous unless they’re purposely dressed in stereotypical gendered clothing. People have assumed my son is a girl and we weren’t bothered by it.

Marcipex · 21/06/2021 15:18

I seriously offended a mother once, but her 9 year old son had a long bob, bright coloured trousers, and a v bright multi coloured pink/green/violet flowered jacket.
I did ask ’her’ name.
Mother was mortally offended, the boy seemed blank.
I still think they must get that a lot though.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/06/2021 15:20

Was the child old enough to understand your mistake?

givemushypeasachance · 21/06/2021 15:22

I'm 5'11'' and chunky with short hair, the number of times I've been referred to as a man is more than I can remember - often parents to their kids, "ask the man what you want", "let this man past". People put the height and short hair together and assume.

It's probably better practice to use non-gendered language when you don't know - 18 year old me used to get quite upset about it. Don't really care these days!

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/06/2021 15:23

@PurpleyBlue

I wouldn't mind and would hope it teaches you a lesson about assuming everyone follows the stereotypes.
Teaches her a lesson! What a bizarre post 😂
toffeebutterpopcorn · 21/06/2021 15:27

Weird. Anyway - I usually call most kids ‘darling’ because I never remember names.

DH once asked ‘what’s his name?’ to a mum in the part to a toddler... in a dress.

lillylemons · 21/06/2021 15:31

People always think ds is a girl he looks just like his big sister so I can see why people mistake him for a girl.

Dollywilde · 21/06/2021 15:32

A woman mistook my 10 month old daughter for a boy the other day. I didn’t mind, she on the other hand was mortified no matter how I reassured her it was fine!

Hallyup6 · 21/06/2021 15:32

I once took my daughter to the doctor's with her younger sisters. My youngest was only a few weeks old at the time and she was in her car seat, dressed all in pink with frilly bows. The doctor looked at the baby and asked my girls if she was their younger brother. I have no problem with boys wearing pink but I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that she was dressed so stereotypically girly and someone still thought she was a boy. I wasn't offended in the slightest though.

3scape · 21/06/2021 15:32

All of my children have been wrongly identified at some point. The times that stand out are when they are dressed quite conventionally for male/ female. I wouldn't worry about it, apologise or correct and move on.

Topseyt · 21/06/2021 15:35

I can't recall this happening to us, but I don't think it would have bothered me.

If I am not sure I usually avoid referring directly to gender. I might ask something like:

"What's your little one's name?"

With very young children it isn't always obvious. Not all conform to stereotypes, so you won't get all girls in frilly pink dresses with long braided hair or all boys with short cropped hair dressed all in blue.

Santastealer · 21/06/2021 15:36

My 4 year old boy gets called a girl all the time. He likes bright coloured clothes and has longer hair. Doesn’t bother any of us. We correct and move one

tywysoges · 21/06/2021 15:38

DD had a pixie haircut at that age (at her request, having previously had v long hair), so it happened fairly often even when she was wearing a skirt. I didn’t mind, and she corrected people herself, but wasn’t offended. I had warned her it would happen when she asked to have her hair cut.

Tal45 · 21/06/2021 15:39

My mum made me have really short hair when I was in primary school as she was obsessed with avoiding nits. It was a hideous haircut and I was always so upset when people thought I was boy.

RedToothBrush · 21/06/2021 15:42

My son used to have it all the time.

Not arsed.

NannyGythaOgg · 21/06/2021 15:45

When I was about 10 I was a bit of a tomboy and I was taking my little brother (5 with "beautiful" curly hair) to the swimming baths (Back in the 1960s when such things were considered quite acceptable) a man said to me
'Aren't you a good lad, ... taking your little sister swimming'

It still makes me laugh 50 plus years later - and my brother has no memory of it.

EmeraldShamrock · 21/06/2021 15:45

She might be a bit offended, who knows.
A little boy local to us has long hair my DS age 6 can't get it into his head his pal is a boy with long hair, he'll say she or her.
I correct him all the time he doesn't get it. Blush

Demelza82 · 21/06/2021 15:47

My DS5 has long-ish hair and occasionally gets mistaken for a girl, it doesn't bother either of us that much. He bats it off, thinks it's funny and already says 'its probably because if my long hair but it doesn't matter.' I used to know someone with a boy the same age who had very long hair and would also dress gender neutral but if anybody mistook him for a girl they would both be extremely angry which I found odd.

mam0918 · 21/06/2021 15:48

@Husbandno3

Met a work colleague in the park the other day. I did not know she had a child as we arnt that close and mostly discuss work related matters. The child was about 4 and was dressed in shorts and t shirt. They had long messy hair. I said ‘…and whose this little chap then?’ at the kid who got a bit upset and went to hide behind mum. Turns out, I her name is Charlotte. Obviously immediately apologised, massively embarrassed and mum appeared fine. But did make me think whether that is something one might take offence to? Would any of you be offended if someone you didn’t know confused your child’s sex? People who don’t know the child already, must confuse babies all the time, but at what age do you think you would start to be a bit irked if someone didn’t recognise your child as the sex they are?
My oldests gets people confusing his sex all the time because he has similar features to me and curly hair.

Neither of us get upset in general, its so common, he can be wearing clothes that say 'Dude' or 'Lad' etc... and coming out of the mens toilets and people still somehow think hes a girl but its usually an honest if not unobservant mistake and you can tell most people are genuine and sorry/a little embarrased so no need to get angry.

There only 2 times I ever got angry over it:

  1. a really odd and creepy woman at a family resteraunt (with a soft play) who was in the kids bit but didnt even appear to have a kid as DS was the only one there.
    She came up and called DS 'a beautiful young lady' to which DS laughed and said 'but Im a boy', she looked at me then straight up told him 'no, you are a girl'.
    We where taken aback so I chimed in 'No, hes really a boy' and at this point she got aggressive telling me to 'shut up' and 'not encourage lies' and absoloutly wouldnt accept it.
    Like look woman I birthed him and changed his nappies I know for a fucking fact that my DS is a boy.

  2. DS was at a school friends birthday party and they had a hired kids entertainer.
    The entertainer announced for all boy to line up at one side and all girls to line up at the other and DS went with his friends to the boys line.
    The entertainer then grabbed my DS arm and dragged him out of the line into the middle and announced loudly through the microphone 'well, someone doesnt pay attention, Girl over there' while shoving him towards the girls.
    My DS announced 'But Im a boy' and at this point the man looked a little embarrased and looked around the parent but then instead of apologising for his horrible behavior he doubled down and announced 'Then get a proper bloody hair cut and look like one'.
    I had to fight everything in me not to punch the prick, Im not going to buzzcut my DS georgous curls just because he's an ignorant asshole.

shouldistop · 21/06/2021 15:49

I'm wondering why you assumed a child with long hair was a boy though? I know boys can have long hair but it's a strange assumption to make, usually it would be the opposite mistake.
My 4yo ds would be upset if someone thought he was a girl.

ElephantOfRisk · 21/06/2021 15:53

Young kids mostly could be either and it never bothered me or my DSs if someone got them confused.

DS2 had a particularly "pretty" face pre puberty and liked his hair long, so was always being confused as a girl up until he was about 12. It never bothered him and he has had long hair as an adult as well, the beard usually confirms he is a bloke though Grin