Pissed off about the washing

[Jourdain11]

I already know I'm being unreasonable, but I just want to rant...

DD1 was taken unwell yesterday (has underlying health issues) and I spent most of yesterday and today at hospital with her while DH looked after the younger two. He also had reports to start and finish for school (primary teacher). So I get that it was a stressful and busy weekend for him. I asked him if he could chuck some of the washing on today, not all of it, but just the essentials, uniform stuff so that DS and DD2 had something to go to school in tomorrow. I even reminded him while we were messaging. And when we finally got home, late, ohhhh no, he'd forgotten to do it because he'd been so busy. So now I'm stirring bloody underwear and school uniform around the bath and attempting to get it dry after midnight. And no doubt I will have to iron said uniform in the morning.

I mean, I get it, he was busy with other stuff. But it's not like I don't have to go to work in the morning too. It's not like I didn't have shit to get done this weekend as well (and I wasn't even home to do it, so I'll now be up at the crack of dawn trying to get at least some of it done before ironing the bloody half-washed uniforms).

Just ... Grrrr. If I speak to him before I've got it off my chest I'm going to snap really sarcastically at him!

If it happens again I will just use the washing machine - but hopefully it won't! In answer to the question about what DH was doing while I stirred washing around the bath, yes, he was sleeping

I reckon you must all have super clean kids, as mine had all of theirs properly filthy by the week's end - plus, it had been boiling most of the week! But I think the truth is really that we need a lot more spares - uniform because it's a new one and spare undies and socks and stuff, because we junked some of the really old ropey ones during the move.

Also, I was even more annoyed when I found out that DD2 who is seven told him to remember to put the machine on because they didn't have clean clothes for school. And he still forgot/couldn't be bothered and didn't bother.

Anyway ... (Sigh.)

I don’t understand the point of “sigh” and “sleeping ”

Why are you so accepting of his behaviour?
Why were you sighing and hand washing in the bath whilst he slept?

Because I guess we're all a bit useless in some matters and, tbf, washing and cooking and general household organisation are really his only areas of particular uselessness.

@Jourdain11

Because I guess we're all a bit useless in some matters and, tbf, washing and cooking and general household organisation are really his only areas of particular uselessness.

Aye, that’s convenient, isn’t it? How can someone be “useless” about putting clothes for their children in a machine? That’s quite a special kind of useless, isn’t it?

I just don’t understand why you’re so passive and accepting of this. Is it all you wanted from the thread - to have a wee whinge, women to agree “useless men”, then to just carry on letting him treat you like shit?

You had to be with a child in hospital, then you had to hand wash clothes after midnight - because he is a lazy arsehole with zero respect for you, and not a lot of care for how his children would feel going to school in dirty clothes.

I don't understand why this is your problem to resolve.

He forgot to put the washing on (despite numerous reminders from you and his DC FFS) so he should have been the one hand washing it all, ensuring it was dry and ironed by the next morning.

If you resolve all the issues he creates, what incentive will he ever have to do the (5minute) tasks that require doing?

I’d be interested to know if there are any jobs that you are a bit “useless” at, that you would leave to him despite being asked by him and reminded by your child, which would be to your child’s detriment left undone AND he was left doing them after bedtime in a manual way.
I’m guessing you care about your kids too much for that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm pretty useless at unblocking toilets! (In my mind, that is what plumbers are for... Whereas DH is happy to try for 3 hours before calling the plumber.)

but how often does a toilet need unblocking? Really? Compared to washing, cooking and general household organisation? So many men pull this shit. Dragging a wheely bin a few feet down the drive once a week / fortnight = 3/4 times a DAY doing meals, washing up / dishwasher etc. "Doing washing" is just adulting. It doesn't require anything beyond the most rudimentary knowledge. I actually agree with the pp who said you thought we'd all just sigh and wryly smile at the useless chap and pat us women on the back for being so great. Bollocks to it. I'm a single parent and have to do it all, bins and toilet unblocking included. Doing it all is far less rage inducing when there ISN'T someone hanging about creating more chores and not doing them.

One blocked loo in 22 years in this house.

I wish my husband could put the bins out. He's disabled and can't do many jobs round the house but strangely it is the bins that get me down, maybe it is because people always seem to say it is the thing men do. I was so angry outside sorting the recycling one day that the neighbour came out as he thought we were under attack.

He does happily put washing on, I wish he wouldn't. He can't see any need to sort things by colour or fabric. He is banned from touching mine.

Funny old life isn' t it.

We've only had one blocked loo in 40 years. I sorted it.

No, I didn't think you'd all just say useless men, amazing women, etc. I was actually pissed off. I still don't see that not putting the washing machine on was so weird though - I'm just super conscious of how much noise it makes and how the sound travels. In general, he is pretty okay - as in he will cook, wash up, whatever (although when I say cook it is taking things out of the freezer and putting them in the oven and if he did all the cooking we'd all probably get scurvy or something). I just wish he didn't always need so much reminding!

Tomorrow DD1 has a clinic appointment and of course it's me that's had to rearrange my sodding timetable and move everything around, just like today. Granted, he can't leave a class of Year 5s to their own devices, but I don't like it when I always get landed with the mean parent tasks (do your reading, put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket, eat some vegetables, let this doctor stick needles in you, etc.) and he is Cool Dad who takes them for an ice cream afterwards.

First world problems!

Right, so let’s imagine that blocked toilet as a similar situation.

Your toilet is blocked.
Usually your husband unblocks it, but he’s taken the sick child to hospital.
And asks you to do it.
Not wash off and dry and clear the tools away after mind (like hanging out and ironing washing) - he just wants you to unblock it so the kids can use it.
Admittedly, you’re busy with the 6 and 7yo alone. But one of them does remind you.
You think - actually, unblocking it just means flushing it (you have to imagine a solution as simple as putting clothes in a machine, adding liquid and pressing a button, remember). But the important thing here… remember, it doesn’t matter if it’s difficult or not - you’ve already decided “fuck that” because you don’t want to do.
Of course, the kids do need to go to the loo.
So you send them to just shit in it without flushing.
Then you go to bed.
And after midnight, your husband is in there, gloves on manually removing the shit (quietly, not to disturb the neighbours - so he can’t flush to help on block)

That is the closest I can get to comparing unblocking a loo to what he chose yesterday.

You sound very beaten down 😕

First world problems are things like realising you’re out of coffee, or forgetting to book your yoga class space. Or your local shop not having any harissa paste left (actual first world problem I had yesterday!)

Actually, having a shit husband is a big deal, horrible, and not a “first world problem” in the derogatory and dismissive way that the term is meant.

He sounds like a lightweight. What’s his problem?? It’s not just laundry by the sound of it.

[quote Jourdain11]@CrazyCatsAndKittens Sorry, I didn't mean to bite your head off! I was just a bit taken aback to imagine that the Daily Mail would consider my washing habits newsworthy, lol.[/quote]
No, I feel really awful for posting on the wrong thread and upsetting you. I was talking about Prince Charles and absolutely wasn't troll hunting. I know how stressful it can be when MN threads are picked up by the press, so I feel terrible at the confusion.

For what it's worth, I often get behind with the laundry and catch up at the weekends. I think it's a pretty common thing to do. definitely, pick up some uniform spares and I hope your DD is doing ok.

Does he pull his weight in the school holidays @Jourdain11?

Wow, he sounds so selfish.
You were physically not there, so unable to put a bloody wash on and he deliberately doesn't do it so you have to face it when you come in from being at the hospital?

Honestly, I don't know how marriages survive such selfishness.

How do women constantly suck up such awful selfishness.

What a life some have.

Yeah, much more so than termtime.

He's not generally negligent and useless, it's only in regard to certain things (washing - I mean, I don't like it, but how hard is it to just do it?!).

Stop doing his.
It really is that simple.

Treat him like the child he is.

He refuses to do a job that needs to be done for his children, whilst you were at the hospital.

You need to hang on to that annoyance.

Leave him to his own laundry.

I actually think it's unforgivable that he deliberately let you come home to that.

I don't think you should be just getting over this.

This shows such a huge disregard for you.

Remember we teach people how to treat us.

You have a long stressful life ahead of you, if you accept this bullshit from him.

Do people really not use the washing machine when they need to for fear of upsetting the neighbours. Mumsnet is wild.

Couldn't your other DD have done it?

To be fair, I think she probably could have, but she wouldn't have known what buttons to press.

I honestly am surprised that the not-using-the-machine thing seems so wild. It is a very loud machine and the sound proofing in Victorian converted terraces tends not to be incredible. Our neighbours are nice but it seems antisocial to put it on when you know it can keep people awake or wake them up?