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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off about the washing

124 replies

Jourdain11 · 21/06/2021 00:28

I already know I'm being unreasonable, but I just want to rant... Blush

DD1 was taken unwell yesterday (has underlying health issues) and I spent most of yesterday and today at hospital with her while DH looked after the younger two. He also had reports to start and finish for school (primary teacher). So I get that it was a stressful and busy weekend for him. I asked him if he could chuck some of the washing on today, not all of it, but just the essentials, uniform stuff so that DS and DD2 had something to go to school in tomorrow. I even reminded him while we were messaging. And when we finally got home, late, ohhhh no, he'd forgotten to do it because he'd been so busy. So now I'm stirring bloody underwear and school uniform around the bath and attempting to get it dry after midnight. And no doubt I will have to iron said uniform in the morning.

I mean, I get it, he was busy with other stuff. But it's not like I don't have to go to work in the morning too. It's not like I didn't have shit to get done this weekend as well (and I wasn't even home to do it, so I'll now be up at the crack of dawn trying to get at least some of it done before ironing the bloody half-washed uniforms).

Just ... Grrrr. If I speak to him before I've got it off my chest I'm going to snap really sarcastically at him!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jourdain11 · 21/06/2021 10:30

What?

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 21/06/2021 10:30

Our previous neighbour was sooo noise sensitive and totally lost his shit with me once for putting a wash on at 07.20 on a Sunday! And once at 22.00 on a weeknight. I guess you're totally right that most people wouldn't mind the occasional 30' cycle in unsocial hours, but I'm obviously a bit hung up on it. It's useful to get some perspective from normal people actually

Yes, just because some people moan about normal household noise, does not mean that they are reasonable to moan about it or that you should tip toe around their them. It's not like you were playing drums at 2 am.

cookiecreampie · 21/06/2021 10:36

@Ktay

All these people pointing out it takes ‘seconds’ or ‘two minutes’ to put a wash on, therefore the OP is being slack in letting it build up - that’s all well and good but hanging and sorting washing is harder to fit into a busy week. Also her DP could surely have found seconds/two minutes to put it in the washing machine while she was at the hospital?
It is slack. If the alternative is letting your kids go round in dirty clothes, just bloody wash them. Same goes to OP's husband. Whoever is there to do it should just do it. It's not difficult.
Original poster
Jourdain11 · 21/06/2021 10:39

Okay, so I'm a crap mother or whatever. I really don't care. And I don't get the Daily Mail thing. I'm done with it all anyway.

OP posts:
CrazyCatsAndKittens · 21/06/2021 10:43

@CrazyCatsAndKittens

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.
Sorry, I posted on the wrong thread and have reported my post. I don’t think anyone thinks you’re a bad mum, just have a lot on your plate and your husband needs to do more to help.
Menora · 21/06/2021 10:43

I would be annoyed with him and also me as could have done it Friday or Saturday 😂

DoNotEat · 21/06/2021 10:51

So was he asleep op while you swished the clothes?

idontlikealdi · 21/06/2021 10:53

I can't get past not using the washing machine on a quick wash, spin and it would have been on the way to dry.

But you do sound like you've an awful lot on your plate and he really should have out a wash. primary reports are cut and paste statement blocks anyway

ineedaholidaynow · 21/06/2021 11:23

You are not a crap mum @Jourdain11, if you are the poster I think you are, you are a mum who has had significant crap on your plate. You are also a much more conscientious mum than me, because I would have hand washed pants to ensure they had clean pair of them, but they would have been going into school in last week's grubby uniform, baked beans stains and all (if your DC are anything like my DS was at that age!)

I hope you eldest is ok, and at some point you get to recharge your batteries.

Ohmygoshandfolly · 21/06/2021 11:30

I honestly wouldn’t think about the neighbours, your DC need uniform and occasionally the washing machine needs to go on late. They will survive, the washing machine is downstairs so I’m guessing it won’t be so loud it would wake them when they’re asleep upstairs. Also you could always do a quick 15 min wash… If you have a tumble dryer then even better, stick them in there after.

Unsure why you decided to hand wash in the bath just to appease the neighbours. When my DC have had sickness bugs I’ve definitely used the washing machine through the night.

HugeAckmansWife · 21/06/2021 11:37

bottom line is that everything the OP could have done, her husband equally could have done. They both work full time, but he was physically in the house to put the wash on and she wasn't. She asked him repeatedly to do it and he just didn't. That's not forgetting, that's not being arsed and not caring / thinking about the fact of kids going to school in unwashed uniforms. As in so many households I imagine he had no idea about the number of clean / dirty items etc whereas the OP, despite being in hospital with a sick child, was able to realise and think and put a plan in place for Monday morning. She was also the one who ultimately had to sort it - the only unreasonable bit is that she didn't tell him to get it sorted before the morning when she got back. Its depressing how many people on here are excusing the DH, or acknowledging he was a bit crap but still putting the onus on the OP.

ancientgran · 21/06/2021 11:52

@Veterinari

Why isn't your DH stirring the washing in the bath at midnight since he forgot to do it *@Jourdain11* ?
Maybe he thought wearing the least dirty stuff from last week was OK.
EKGEMS · 21/06/2021 11:53

That's a great suggestion to have spare "emergency" underwear and maybe a uniform for both children "just in case "

ancientgran · 21/06/2021 11:56

@HugeAckmansWife

bottom line is that everything the OP could have done, her husband equally could have done. They both work full time, but he was physically in the house to put the wash on and she wasn't. She asked him repeatedly to do it and he just didn't. That's not forgetting, that's not being arsed and not caring / thinking about the fact of kids going to school in unwashed uniforms. As in so many households I imagine he had no idea about the number of clean / dirty items etc whereas the OP, despite being in hospital with a sick child, was able to realise and think and put a plan in place for Monday morning. She was also the one who ultimately had to sort it - the only unreasonable bit is that she didn't tell him to get it sorted before the morning when she got back. Its depressing how many people on here are excusing the DH, or acknowledging he was a bit crap but still putting the onus on the OP.
I don't think you can dictate to other people, if he didn't think it would hurt to send them in what they had then that is up to him. If OP didn't agree then she can either go along with him or wash the uniforms which she did. He could have done it, he had the opportunity, but as he didn't it wouldn't be OK for her to order him to do it.
Blossomtoes · 21/06/2021 11:58

Washing clothes in the bath because the washing machine would irritate the neighbours? Fuck that for a game of soldiers, my neighbours would just have to suck it up. Bonkers.

Hankunamatata · 21/06/2021 12:00

I'd be very annoyed too op. It was 1 thing that needsd done

MiddleParking · 21/06/2021 12:02

Really keen to know what the OP’s husband was doing while she swished uniform around the bath!

Dixiechickonhols · 21/06/2021 12:10

Sounds stressful all round. Seriously just put washer on at night as a one off i wouldn’t even think about it - accidents happen you wouldn’t leave blood or vomit stained towels and sheets to get ruined you’d put a wash on whatever time.
Buy Extra uniform and hang up from dryer. You are busy I’d skip ironing.

HugeAckmansWife · 21/06/2021 12:54

the op has already said they had used the emergency / spare stuff as it had been a tough week. I doubt for one second that the Dh sat and thought about whether the uniforms would be ok> Did he go and have a look and see if they were actually dirty or just worn? I doubt it - if so he would have said, "I checked and they're ok for one wear, I've hung them up" whatever. He didn't. He just couldn't be arsed, assumed the op would sort it out, which she did because like most mums, we know that if our kids show up in dirty clothes no-one will be thinking the DAD fell down on the job will they? Whether or not she could / should have used the machine is a separate issue but the fact she didn't is an indication that she spends time effort thinking about the impact of her actions on others, unlike her lazyarse husband who was doing what exactly when she was home from the hospital and handwashing things? Its not about OCD cleanliness versus being a bit slack - a marriage is meant to be teamwork and he spectacularly didn't do his part which was pretty minimal to start with.

DGFB · 21/06/2021 13:10

Some of these comments are nuts. It takes five minutes to put a wash on, he should have done it of course!

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 21/06/2021 16:25

We live in the top half of an old Victorian house, so the sound of the washing machine unfortunately really travels. Anyway, yeah - it just annoyed me that he hadn't chucked it on, I would have been happy that hang it up/get it dried and ironed and all that, but I couldn't do that if it hadn't been washed to start with!

I'm also aware that this is very definitely stressing about things which are within my control in order to prevent myself from stressing about things outside of my control. If that makes sense!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jourdain11 · 21/06/2021 16:27

@CrazyCatsAndKittens Sorry, I didn't mean to bite your head off! I was just a bit taken aback to imagine that the Daily Mail would consider my washing habits newsworthy, lol.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 21/06/2021 16:36

Usually, I would say a couple need to tolerate each other’s occasional fuck ups.

But bloody hell… you think he didn’t do it deliberately because he doesn’t like washing.

Serious question - what is there not to like, about sticking clothes inside a machine, turning a dial, pressing a button?

The tedium of hanging out, ironing certainly… these are things I can see one might not like. But just putting washing on?

I would seriously reconsider my marriage if I really felt he just didn’t do it, because he didn’t want to.

And I wouldn’t have been the only one up late last night handwashing 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you’re right that it was deliberate - what an utter arsehole he is.

cocoloco987 · 21/06/2021 16:45

He should have done it but YABU to be hand washing in the bath at midnight in a martyrish fashion. For a start the clothes will come out soaking. A once off evening 20 minute quick wash isn't going to see you evicted or ostracised by your neighbours and the quick wash has a fast spin so things come out needing minimum drying. Alternatively you (or even better dh) could have just picked the cleanest set and spot cleaned with a sponge for one day.

Hawkins001 · 21/06/2021 17:12

If just use the washing machine, as a one off emergency at that time it was needed, although I can understand your perspective and frustration.

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