Pissed off about the washing

[Jourdain11]

I already know I'm being unreasonable, but I just want to rant...

DD1 was taken unwell yesterday (has underlying health issues) and I spent most of yesterday and today at hospital with her while DH looked after the younger two. He also had reports to start and finish for school (primary teacher). So I get that it was a stressful and busy weekend for him. I asked him if he could chuck some of the washing on today, not all of it, but just the essentials, uniform stuff so that DS and DD2 had something to go to school in tomorrow. I even reminded him while we were messaging. And when we finally got home, late, ohhhh no, he'd forgotten to do it because he'd been so busy. So now I'm stirring bloody underwear and school uniform around the bath and attempting to get it dry after midnight. And no doubt I will have to iron said uniform in the morning.

I mean, I get it, he was busy with other stuff. But it's not like I don't have to go to work in the morning too. It's not like I didn't have shit to get done this weekend as well (and I wasn't even home to do it, so I'll now be up at the crack of dawn trying to get at least some of it done before ironing the bloody half-washed uniforms).

Just ... Grrrr. If I speak to him before I've got it off my chest I'm going to snap really sarcastically at him!

OP’s (younger) kids are only slightly older than mine and I can see why the uniforms needed washing - I’m not quite sure how but mine always look like a complete disgrace when they come out of school. They could never re-wear their uniform.

However putting a wash on is one of the easiest chores and the DH should easily have been able to manage one load while looking after two primary kids and report writing, especially when he had been reminded. I would be cross too. However I would have got up this morning and stuck them on a quick wash rather than swirling them round in the bath late at night! And I really hope the DH wasn’t snoring in bed while the OP was playing washerwoman!

All these people pointing out it takes ‘seconds’ or ‘two minutes’ to put a wash on, therefore the OP is being slack in letting it build up - that’s all well and good but hanging and sorting washing is harder to fit into a busy week. Also her DP could surely have found seconds/two minutes to put it in the washing machine while she was at the hospital?

Come on, they are 6yo and 7yo. Give it to them as ‘washed clothes’ and they won’t know any different and will be perfectly happy.

I had a few busy periods when mine were teens in school complete with body odour and all, and I realised there were no clean clothes. I just pulled the least smelly bits out of the pile and gave that to them. No one died. If school were to complain they could come and do the washing, problem solved! It was only the odd occasion not a routine issue of neglect.

@Rangoon

Can you please explain something to a non-Brit? What is all this business about washing school uniforms every week? Sure our shirts got changed daily, but we weren't flinging our wool kilts, pleated skirts, cardigans, ties and blazers in the wash all the time.

My 13yo still spills milk on the shoulder of her navy jumper all the time. My 9yo goes to after school club 3 times a week and they have a mud kitchen. He also eats there and sometimes spills bean sauce down his jumper.

Strange.

he hates doing the washing

But he's not actually washing it? All he has to do is stuff if into the machine...

Reports are incredibly stressful especially if he’s been stupid enough to leave them to one weekend, but he could DEFINITELY still put a wash on.

It's perfectly fine that the op left it to the weekend as she planned to do it then (equally, the DH could have planned to do it then, another example of default parenting). Ditto spares and hand washing. The unforeseen hospital trip put a spanner in the works and a presumanly pretty unpleasant and stressful spanner at that. Of course the op is not unreasonable to be pissed off that an adult in the house with with not toddlers couldnt take 5 mins to chuck the uniform in and hang it out. Writing reports is a pain in the arse but it's not life and death nor is it brain surgery and if he finishes 5 mins later to compensate for the washing so what. Bar set so so low for men, yet again.

What happened on Saturday that no washing was done then? If it was that desperate to be done, I'd have done it first thing Saturday morning.

But yeah, theres no reason he can't have put a wash on.

@Jourdain11

They're 7 and 6. Too right yes, I know we "dropped the ball" during the week. But all he had to do was put on one wash. And I bet he didn't totally forget, he hates doing the washing hmmm...

Well none of us do the washing for fun, but we accept it as part of being a grown up.

OP YANBU to be pissed off. Of course your DH could have put a wash on yesterday and put it out to dry. It takes no time at all.

He just doesn't think of these things. Stop doing his washing, and anything else that benefits him and just do yours and DCs. He needs to step up and stop leaving washing, and I suspect a lot of other things, to you. What's the distribution of household chores, cooking, planning etc like in general?

But YABU to have not put it in the washing machine, or picked out the least dirty to wear as an emergency on Monday. If you'd have hung it up overnight near an open window, it would have been fine.

Agree with Barbara of Seville

I think it’s respectful of you to not use your washing machine late if you are in a terrrace or flat. However, that’s doesn’t mean it can’t ever be used. For the occasional 20min quick wash I doubt your neighbours would mind.
What would you do if child vomited all over bedding? Surely you would just put it on to wash there and then, not leave all night to fester.

YABU. It can’t have been that important for you either or you would have done it earlier in the week. No need to take it all out on DH. Just get some more spares for next time so you won’t have the problem again. Seems you were just wanting to find something to be annoyed at him about!

@Jourdain11, you might be interested in this thread, about the emotional workload that women take on, regardless of who physically undertakes tasks.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Strange.

he hates doing the washing

But he's not actually washing it? All he has to do is stuff if into the machine...

This is so true.

@Ktay

All these people pointing out it takes ‘seconds’ or ‘two minutes’ to put a wash on, therefore the OP is being slack in letting it build up - that’s all well and good but hanging and sorting washing is harder to fit into a busy week. Also her DP could surely have found seconds/two minutes to put it in the washing machine while she was at the hospital?

Yes he should have but the fact remains that for either of them washing isn't difficult, we aren't in the days where you went out to the wash house, lit a fire under the boiler, hand washed it all and then put it through the mangle so you had a chance of getting it dry.

My mother always drew the line at removing all the shirt buttons so they didn't break in the mangle and then sew them back on before they were ironed. My gran thought she was a slattern.

I love my automatic washing machine and if it broke this morning I'd have another one ordered within the hour. Never going back to hand washing everything.

You could have put a wash on late. A quick 30 min cycle would not have unduly been a nuisance to the neighbours.

Or they could have gone in the least dirty of last weeks clothes 🤷‍♀️ it’s only one day

Another who'd have sent them in last week's sponged-off least dirty uniforms. And I'd definitely not be up at the crack of dawn ironing anything.

OK he forgot, one of those things.

Why are you sorting it out though and staying up late and getting up early to sort it. When he said he forgot it why didnt you ask him how he was going to sort it instead of running around sorting his mistake for him?

[quote EKGEMS]@WhoDidAndWhy The OP was in hospital with a sick child-how did she drop the ball?[/quote]
PP said they both dropped the ball, I presume because they were down to a final pair of underwear each before anything happened.

Why isn't your DH stirring the washing in the bath at midnight since he forgot to do it @Jourdain11 ?

It's a one off op. You should've just used the washing machine and forget about the neighbours for a second, you could've put it on a short cycle, a lot of washing machines have 30min. 15 min cycles. My mums even has a 11 minute cycle.

@Veterinari because that is a massive over reaction!

Our previous neighbour was sooo noise sensitive and totally lost his shit with me once for putting a wash on at 07.20 on a Sunday! And once at 22.00 on a weeknight. I guess you're totally right that most people wouldn't mind the occasional 30' cycle in unsocial hours, but I'm obviously a bit hung up on it. It's useful to get some perspective from normal people actually.

The hand wash in the bath actually worked okay and at least the kids had clean clothes this morning. It wasn't their fault that it didn't get done and they had a rubbish weekend too, so I don't think it's fair to send them in their grubby last week's uniform or no uniform at all.