Trigger warning: To think most women have experienced sexual assault?

[Pattypans]

Name changed, regular lurker and poster.

I am a mum of 2, married for 15 years and a month back, while in quarantine returning home - I was sexually assaulted by a staff member of the hotel.

I was alone traveling back from seeing my sickly parents and I just never thought I was “at risk”.

As a child I was sexually abused and told my parents who did not try to protect me from my abuser. He remained in our life in the same way. I was raped as a teen with my mom in the next room and and in my early twenties had my drink spiked and was raped again. Since then I steadily gained weight and in many ways felt like my weight protected me.

My AIBU is I’ve come to realize most of my friends and most of the women I’ve spoken to over the years - they all seem to have their own story.

So AIBU -

NO - means you haven’t been sexually assaulted or abused.

YES - means you have been sexually assaulted or abused.

I am in trauma counseling, involved police, been for STD checks and other help.

Yes. I was sexually assaulted but I didn't understand your voting sorry OP.

I have been sexually humiliated too, which I wouldn't count as assault, but very degrading none the less.

Put it this way. It happened when I was 16. I'm 43 now and when I read threads like this and it crosses my mind, it feels like it could have been yesterday. The shame and embarrassment comes flooding back.

I actually got to 29 without realising that I had been sexually assaulted. I have been several times. Minor groping etc countless times, and 2 pretty serious assaults where j was actually penetrated. One of those times in a room with other people, once while I was half asleep.
For some reason it didn't dawn on me until years later that it was sexual assault. I felt a bit like it was just something that happened and didn't really matter 😕.

I'm in my late 30s and have never been sexually assaulted

@FrankButchersDickieBow

Yes. I was sexually assaulted but I didn't understand your voting sorry OP.

I have been sexually humiliated too, which I wouldn't count as assault, but very degrading none the less.

Put it this way. It happened when I was 16. I'm 43 now and when I read threads like this and it crosses my mind, it feels like it could have been yesterday. The shame and embarrassment comes flooding back.

Yes when something brings it back I get the shame feeling. I remember him touching me down there. I still feel shame.

Sadly quite a few times starting at 16. I was sexually assaulted twice at my own 16th birthday party. I was later raped by the same two on the last day of school.
I was still 16 when my best friend introduced me to her boyfriend's friend who was 30 - he assaulted me but I fought him off.
My exh often thought it was ok to have sex with me while I slept.

My sex life ended about 8 years ago after I was very badly assaulted (sexually & physically) while under a general anaesthetic.
None of these assaults were reported. I could never face it.

My gorgeous, beautiful daughter has just come out as non-binary and asexual. They never want to have a relationship or have sex or have children. When she was about 13 a boy in her class repeatedly sexually assaulted her first verbally then with his hands. In class. In front of his friends. In front of the teacher. In front of the other girls. It took her about 6 weeks to tell me and it took me 3 calls to the head of year before it stopped and he was removed from the class. Sadly with the low expectations we still have I considered this a good result and the best we could achieve. Unfortunately the experience scarred her so badly that she retreated into herself and doesn't want males to look at her so she became they. My daughter is just 17.

My point is that my experiences started in the 1980's and it would appear that we have made no progress in more than 30 years.

I was physically assaulted by a Senior Manager many years ago and the memory doesn't fade. I was raped many times by my late husband - until I read on Mumsnet that there is such a thing as marital rape. I put up with it because i thought I had to.

What is sexual assault?

Was it the guy who flashed his dick at me when coming out the dentist?
Or
The guy who wanked at me and left his cum in the lift
Or the guy who followed me home and my flat mate had to help me push him out the door
Or
The guy who peeked over the changing room partition to see my naked 4 year old
Or
Or
Or
Or

Mostly non contact offences, tbh I could go on all night.

I do wonder if those that say that they've never experienced anything include non-contact incidents? I'm 50 and attitudes have changed so much with regards to what is acceptable and what's not. It was expected that your boss would be a bit letchy as long as he didn't push it too far, it was part of the job. Now most youngsters wouldn't put up with that.

My heart goes out to all of you and other women who have been assaulted. I am so sorry you have suffered this trauma. I am nearly 60, it was considered the norm in my early working life, to be slapped on the arse, lewd comments, tweaked, prodded...

I have had experience of coercive sex from expartners and abusive behaviour.

I thank my lucky stars I have had sons instead of daughters. However, I am nearly Grandmother age now and I fear for future little girls being born into this world where the female sex is still regarded by men to be for their own entertainment. Teach your girls to be strong and brave.. and to speak up loud and clear!! Much love..

I was sexually abused all through my childhood, by my F and other men, as was my DSis. (My DM knew nothing about it.) He's long dead, thankfully.

My F was completely respectable on the surface. Doubtless the same is true of other men who abuse women and girls. It's clear from this thread that a lot of assaults aren't reported. (We only reported our abuse once we were in our forties.)

So I do think that it's all too likely that the vast majority of women have been through abuse of some kind.

No, I've never been abused or assaulted.

I've had my bum pinched in a nightclub but I never considered that to be assault. I suppose technically it is but I never considered it to be. It didn't leave me traumatised or anything. Not saying it's ok obviously

for everyone who has gone through such awful things.

It’s good being able to say on here what I’ve never been able to tell before.

Yes. Agree. I have had multiple sexual harassment incidents. Attempted stranger rape in a ladies toilets (by a man). And more recently, I'm in my 30s with a DH and DC someone filmed on a phone between my legs on the London Underground. He was surprisingly caught in the act by an undercover pick-pocket catching Officer. So it was a strange turn of events that I would have been unaware of.

Don’t understand the voting optoons but yeah over the years by different guys I’ve been stalked, groped, and had sex on a couple of occasions when I didn’t want to.

Name changed.
I have been assaulted at a party by a work colleague of my husband, was regularly "touched up" by customers when working in a pub, was groomed and persuaded into sex by a man in his 30's when I was 13, at the hobby I did. Leaving out the regular curb crawling perverts trying to pick up obviously underage girls, cat calling and inappropriate remarks.

I do not know any woman, from my grandma, mil, cousins, friends and the friends of my daughter who have not had to put up with something of this sort. The lucky ones is just a quick grope or rude words, other violent rape.

I think really this thread is for people who have been assaulted but I'm 61 and I've never been assaulted, groped, etc. I'm very sorry for those who have.

Someone once told me being raped is like getting in a car accident. First time it's bad luck, second time you should have been more careful and if it happens again you're a bad driver (you had it coming).

I was first raped at 12 or 13, and last time it happened was last week, 13 years later. Different men, from alpha male types to shy geeky ones.

I was in a relationship where I was raped regularly and my biggest regret is leaving that relationship because it kept him from doing the same to some other girl, who can't live with it like I can.

Grisen that's grotesque.

And why are we so often compared to cars when it comes to sex offences? It's weird. You wouldn't leave your car unlocked. You wouldn't leave your handbag where it can be seen. Etc.

I've never been assaulted. Had this conversation with my close friends and they haven't either although going by this thread we must be in the minority.

From reading loads of threads about this, I think that where you live makes for different experiences, for the stranger stuff.

This thread has made me so sad, so angry, but sadly not surprised.

I can’t write what has happened to me but it has been multiple times by different men. I honestly believe society’s view of women is completely broken.

Sending love to you all. I am currently receiving specialist therapy from a sexual violence charity and would recommend it to all affected. Some of my trauma is over a decade old but I have still found the help I’m getting a life changing experience.

I’ve not been raped, thank goodness. However I’ve been followed, groped, grabbed, attacked by a group of men who tried to lock me in a room to sexually assault me, and several occasions where I’ve made a mistake going back with a man and then had to think my way out of it.

I’ve had to physically defend myself and once had to punch a guy hard and scream in order to frighten him off.

I’ve been sat in a hostel room in a remote place with a friend while a guy tried to batter the door in.

I travelled much of the world on my own in my early twenties. I don’t look strong. I also went to a lot of parties and got drunk quite often. All of which put me at some risk. At the same time, I did teach myself as many ‘defensive’ ways to keep myself safe. Including reading situations quick, going on instinct, and buying my own padlock to lock hostel doors from the inside. I’ve been lucky though, if anyone of those guys who meant me harm, had succeeded, it will have made me retreat from all that freedom.

I was sexually abused by my biological father from 3-6 and sexually abused and raped by my stepfather from 11-17
Sadly I think your right most woman have had some form of abuse from inappropriate touching to rape

I grew up believing sexual assault just meant rape.. and there was not a whole spectrum of things that could be done to you that would still count as assault. It was like full on rape was the epitome of sexual assault. Anything else didn't matter, and did not count.

Of course, I now know that is not the case, and I have had to deal with the fact I have been sexually assaulted many times during my life... but because it was not rape I felt it did not count. Even one instance was maybe borderline, I don't know. Was shagging some guy and it hurt, so I said please stop. He insisted he was going to come soon so carried on. I begged him and he grabbed my wrists.

I hope that makes sense!

Yes. In my 20’s and 30’s. Few different men. Not ‘attacks’ but assaults ranging from groping to coercion and full on just doing it, even though I’d expressed a desire not to and feeling I had no choice…….. also violent sex I didn’t enjoy……..
A lot, considering I’ve mainly been in long term relationships……..

Yes, by a "friend". Wouldn't no for an answer when he suggested making love, so he begged and said "I don't want to look pathetic."
I still said no and retorted "I don't want to look pathetic."
He got aggressive and assaulted me as I was trapped already from accepting a lift with him.

There is absolutely no way I'd ever report this as it has zero chance of a conviction and what was I doing in his car anyway?