Leant a friend money-can I take them to court?

[Fredastaireschair]

I feel so stupid!
It's only £300. I won't starve.
I am more so annoyed with friend who I've known some 20 plus years.
I leant in bits and bats (£10,£20, £30 here and there) and friend would pay back borrow more pay back but always paid back.

Then they asked for a larger amount when already owed about £50, and then said their partner was getting a bonus on X date, could I lend a further amount and then they'd be back on their feet, would pay it all back and would never need to borrow again.

I trusted them and did it. Since then I've had 'bonus is on (a later) date now', then being blanked, then they gave me a different date-then I sent a message saying I was actually getting rather pissed off now, and I needed it back even if they had to beg/borrow-and they apologised profusely and said it would definitely definitely be paid back 'Saturday' (yesterday).

Should I send a more terse message? Try for small claims? Block them on everything (although this almost guarantees I'll never be paid back and probably gives them a reason not to)?

I don't know what is going on for friend. I know something occurred at work and they lost their (decent) job a year or so ago and now work in a minimum wage one, I get that times are hard.

It is more the false promises and lies! We've lived together (were at university together) have been there for one another multiple times, I really cannot believe they've done this at all.

You probably need to accept you won’t be getting it back ( then if you do in Future, it will be a bonus).... you will just stress yourself....and find yourself some new friends

Ask what the problem is and say they can give you £100 for now and the rest later and never lend them a penny again. Too much drama.

There is an unspoken rule "only lend money you can afford to lose"

Judge Rinder, perhaps...

You can take them to court and likely win but to get your money back they have to have it.
Even county court bailiffs can't recover the money if they don't have it.

Decide if you want to make your point, court won't be expensive.

If you have evidence, take to small claims. Sometimes the threat of court action is enough to make the debtor cough up. Take a look at this link:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/small-claims/making-a-small-claim/

Worth a try.

@EmeraldShamrock

There is an unspoken rule "only lend money you can afford to lose"

So true!

I guess I can afford to lose it-I should have followed a rule 'Only lend money you can afford to lose and not get pissed off about not getting back if you don't'

@Buggerthebotox

If you have evidence, take to small claims. Sometimes the threat of court action is enough to make the debtor cough up. Take a look at this link:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/small-claims/making-a-small-claim/

Worth a try.

Thank you. I am tempted. I do have evidence.

If you have evidence, take to small claims. Sometimes the threat of court action is enough to make the debtor cough up.

... assuming they actually have the money to pay it back.

@TheQueef

You can take them to court and likely win but to get your money back they have to have it. Even county court bailiffs can't recover the money if they don't have it.

Decide if you want to make your point, court won't be expensive.

I suppose it depends on what friend's circumstances actually are, which I don't really know. I know their partner earns well, and that they live together but aren't married. I know they do go out and do things so I guess they could afford to pay me in instalments (which I have offered!) at least.

I get it, it’s not the amount (although that’s a lot to loose) it’s the lies. I’d keep asking and hopefully avoid court- maybe suggest a payment plan?

@FunMcCool

I get it, it’s not the amount (although that’s a lot to loose) it’s the lies. I’d keep asking and hopefully avoid court- maybe suggest a payment plan?

I offered a payment plan some weeks ago and they said 'No! Want to give it you all back together and will do on X date!' I asked were they sure, 'yes of course!'

And yes it is the lies. I'd never tell a friend a bunch of lies over something like this, so that's hurtful. I try to think what I'd do if it were me, and I think I'd probably just apologise a lot and beg/steal /borrow and get it back to them at first opportunity! It is like 20+ years of friendship mean nothing, no respect or care there at all.

It's either 1) They paid back smaller sums in the past, so that shows willing but it looks like this is too big a sum for them to pay back at once given the job situation and they don't know how to tell you so they are making up stories.
or 2) they have no intention of paying you back and are making up stories to fob you off.
Only you know how likely each of the above is.
If you block them you will never get it back. Taking a (former) friend to court seems like an end solution reserved for after you have given them a clear final warning.
Can you ask them again exactly what the problem is and how they intend to pay you back. You could say in instalments but only if they give you the first instalment now?

sorry crossed post

TBH I read somewhere that you should only lend money if you think of it as a gift! Really they are being very unfair to you . They have broken your trust . Maybe as above PP says , ask if they could pay say £50 pm for 6 months ? Try and keep the time short if you can .You will probably have to write some of it off, but if you can get some back at least that would help you.

It is more the false promises and lies! We've lived together (were at university together) have been there for one another multiple times, I really cannot believe they've done this at all.

Oh OP exactly this! I wish people would be honest. I'm in the same situation. Leant a family member 25k (literally all my savings). They were doing well then business big snag. They asked for money to sort the problem which I gave. However they hit rock bottom with their business shutting down and now he and wife are unemployed. And it's the constant lies - we have the money. Next month. Yes someone owes us they'll give us the money and we will pay you off.

I wish they'd just be honest and tell the truth

It sounds as though their partner has no intention of handing over his bonus.

You can go to the small claims court but it'll be the end of the friendship. It sounds as though that ship's sailed anyway.

Sorry but you're not getting the money back and your friendship is over.

Surely this is not a case of lying though is it?

More likely it’s a case of best intentions and meaning to pay it back, but finding she can’t, and a lot of embarrassment and shame.

My mum says: you should never lend a friend money that you can’t afford to lose, unless you can afford to lose your friend.

You know she’s in hard times, you chose to take the risk and lend her the money.

Now you have to choose between the £300 or your friendship. In fact you are at risk of losing both.

I don’t know if you can get it back through court (almost certainly not unless you signed some sort of agreement?) but if you try your friendship is over.

Is she a thief who would willingly steal from you? Her previous habit of paying you back suggests not.

I would work on the friendship: ask her what’s up, how you can support her? Is she in debt? Be empathetic- maybe she will tell you about her situation and you can help her to plan / get help financially. If you are a supportive friend to her (emotionally- not financially- Do not give her any more!!) there is a good chance that when she gets another well paying job again, she will pay you back with interest. If you hassle her now for what she hasn’t got, at a time when she is under stress, you will get nothing and lose her as your friend.

Exert more pressure. Turn up at their door, work, pub and in a clear loud voice others can hear, say "You took money from me , I want it back NOW".

Yes, you can take them to court, although for small amounts, it’s all done online initially.

small claims court

You need to prove you have asked them for it - send a letter that needs to be signed for and keep copies.

There are added costs, but if you win, they incur them.

We took an ex employer to court (and won!). It was all very simple and we didn’t actually see the inside of a real court.

I don’t know if you can get it back through court (almost certainly not unless you signed some sort of agreement?)

OP already has text messages acknowledging the money is owed, that's good enough to prove the loan in court.
It'd only cost around £50 for the small claims track and it should be an easy win but if they are skint the I&E could show they simply don't have the money to pay anything back.

Technically yes you can take it to claims court and I think your email correspondence, in particular their messages to you, would be sufficient to make it go your way.

But you need to weigh this up against the mental stress and of then needing to enforce payment even if you do win. Personally, I would write the money and the friendship off.

Not much help, but try to keep friends and money separate

It sounds like she is still communicating with you, so I would stick with communicating for the time being while working to get it back.

Can you go “for a walk” of for coffee and cake, and talk, side by side - to get a better understanding of her issues with it.

Like the suggestion of asking £100 for now (name/invent a specific bill that you need that £100 for tomorrow) and work on it from there.

I would maintain the close contact, work to get it all back in installments “for specific bills you have tomorrow” - and then I wouldn’t be loaning ever again - in order to maintain the friendship.