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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leant a friend money-can I take them to court?

103 replies

Fredastaireschair · 20/06/2021 11:36

I feel so stupid!
It's only £300. I won't starve.
I am more so annoyed with friend who I've known some 20 plus years.
I leant in bits and bats (£10,£20, £30 here and there) and friend would pay back borrow more pay back but always paid back.

Then they asked for a larger amount when already owed about £50, and then said their partner was getting a bonus on X date, could I lend a further amount and then they'd be back on their feet, would pay it all back and would never need to borrow again.

I trusted them and did it. Since then I've had 'bonus is on (a later) date now', then being blanked, then they gave me a different date-then I sent a message saying I was actually getting rather pissed off now, and I needed it back even if they had to beg/borrow-and they apologised profusely and said it would definitely definitely be paid back 'Saturday' (yesterday).

Should I send a more terse message? Try for small claims? Block them on everything (although this almost guarantees I'll never be paid back and probably gives them a reason not to)?

I don't know what is going on for friend. I know something occurred at work and they lost their (decent) job a year or so ago and now work in a minimum wage one, I get that times are hard.

It is more the false promises and lies! We've lived together (were at university together) have been there for one another multiple times, I really cannot believe they've done this at all.

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 20/06/2021 12:37

Can I just point out that op has two similarly named accounts on here and it's easy to miss their replies.

BunnyRuddington · 20/06/2021 12:41

I would leave it. Obviously never lend them money again but taking them to Court probably won't get you the money back and could end up with you being frustrated with the situation for longer.

To add to "Don't lend money you can't afford to lose" I'd like to add "Don't throw good money after bad".

Original poster
FredAstairesChair · 20/06/2021 12:43

@knittingaddict

Can I just point out that op has two similarly named accounts on here and it's easy to miss their replies.
I'm so sorry!I did the manual name change thing-this is a name I use regularly and I have changed it to it properly now.
OP posts:
Original poster
FredAstairesChair · 20/06/2021 12:43

@SynchroSwimmer

It sounds like she is still communicating with you, so I would stick with communicating for the time being while working to get it back.

Can you go “for a walk” of for coffee and cake, and talk, side by side - to get a better understanding of her issues with it.

Like the suggestion of asking £100 for now (name/invent a specific bill that you need that £100 for tomorrow) and work on it from there.

I would maintain the close contact, work to get it all back in installments “for specific bills you have tomorrow” - and then I wouldn’t be loaning ever again - in order to maintain the friendship.

That is a good idea, thank you.
OP posts:
knittingaddict · 20/06/2021 13:06

OP, you know have a third similar user name.

knittingaddict · 20/06/2021 13:13

@knittingaddict

OP, you know have a third similar user name.
Ignore that, you just have the two. You need the one in your op - Fredastaireschair for it to be highlighted to other users.
Original poster
Fredastaireschair · 20/06/2021 13:39

@Lora918

*It is more the false promises and lies! We've lived together (were at university together) have been there for one another multiple times, I really cannot believe they've done this at all.*

Oh OP exactly this! I wish people would be honest. I'm in the same situation. Leant a family member 25k (literally all my savings). They were doing well then business big snag. They asked for money to sort the problem which I gave. However they hit rock bottom with their business shutting down and now he and wife are unemployed. And it's the constant lies - we have the money. Next month. Yes someone owes us they'll give us the money and we will pay you off.

I wish they'd just be honest and tell the truth

That's so awful of them :( I really hope you get it back
OP posts:
Original poster
Fredastaireschair · 20/06/2021 13:40

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Sorry but you're not getting the money back and your friendship is over.
I really am much more hurt about someone I thought was a friend doing this to me, than what it is actually about :(
OP posts:
Original poster
Fredastaireschair · 20/06/2021 13:41

@HollowTalk

It sounds as though their partner has no intention of handing over his bonus.

You can go to the small claims court but it'll be the end of the friendship. It sounds as though that ship's sailed anyway.

I don't even know if partner knows, when I think about it.
OP posts:
secular39 · 20/06/2021 13:42

There are some things in life that you have to let go.

This is one of them.

Let go ((sigh)).

Twillow · 20/06/2021 13:43

Write off the money and the friendship. Draw a line and move on.

MaloInAnAppleTree · 20/06/2021 13:49

From what you’ve said about their circumstances it sounds like they would be able to pay up to avoid the consequences of a court judgment against them. A face to face chat with the mention that unless you get the money you will reluctantly have to go down the small claims track should motivate them. SCT is really easy, it’s all online.

PiersPlowman · 20/06/2021 14:18

Grab him / her on pay day, frogmarch them to an ATM and get them to repay outstanding monies.

If they refuse, tell them you will make a formal police complaint accusing them of theft. This is a bluff, of course, but said with purpose might at least net you some of your cash back.

EThreepwood · 20/06/2021 14:25

Ex and I had to pay a fee to use the small claims court service.

I think it was £80 but that was about 6 years ago.

Ex had to turn up in court and put his case across (unpaid rent off a family friend/tennant) and the other guy didn't bother turning up. He won obviously so other person had a judgement to pay back the money... Except it wasn't really enforced.

We received a letter a few months later from the housing association asking for a reference so we gave them the case details and judgement still out on them. Only then did the girlfriend call and offer a payment plan because the HA wouldn't house them without it.

In conclusion it wouldn't be worth it in your case even if you won you probably won't see the money.

Whyhello · 20/06/2021 14:35

There is an unspoken rule "only lend money you can afford to lose"

This, basically. So many people fall out over situations like this and it really isn’t worth it. Don’t lend anyone money again unless you’re willing to gift them it because there’s always a chance it won’t be repaid. I’d keep asking for it of course but I’d also consider writing it off.

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 20/06/2021 14:44

You have to pay a fee for the small claims court so I’d think about that. It sounds like they’re struggling to pay it back and rather than just be honest are lying. I’d write it off as something you’re not going to get back and the friendship too sadly

Chikapu · 20/06/2021 14:47

@PiersPlowman

Grab him / her on pay day, frogmarch them to an ATM and get them to repay outstanding monies.

If they refuse, tell them you will make a formal police complaint accusing them of theft. This is a bluff, of course, but said with purpose might at least net you some of your cash back.

Grabbing and frog marching will indeed ensure that one of them is dealt with by the polie!
Floralnomad · 20/06/2021 14:51

It depends how much you value the friendship , which by reading your posts is not at all . Personally I wouldn’t sue a friend over £300 , I may choose not to loan money to them or even cool the friendship but I wouldn’t sue them .

PiersPlowman · 20/06/2021 14:53

"Grabbing and frog marching will indeed ensure that one of them is dealt with by the polie!"

Figuratively, of course! Better to say perhaps "I lent you the money in good faith but you seem disinclined to repay me. I expect payment in full by X date, else I shall be filing a complaint with the police."

MaloInAnAppleTree · 20/06/2021 14:59

Surely EPThreepwood the moral of your story is that it was worthwhile going to Small Claims Court, because an unpaid judgement against your debtor has consequences which it’s worth their while to pay up to avoid, assuming they have the money available.

AutoGroup · 20/06/2021 15:05

I think if it was a good enough friend to lend £300 to (a very short list for me) and I could afford to lend them £300 I'd be more worried about them than about the cash, but yes you could take it to court.

BunnyRuddington · 20/06/2021 15:46

He won obviously so other person had a judgement to pay back the money... Except it wasn't really enforced.

Don't you have to pay for and issue any enforcement?

HollowTalk · 20/06/2021 15:48

@Bksjshsbbev2737

You have to pay a fee for the small claims court so I’d think about that. It sounds like they’re struggling to pay it back and rather than just be honest are lying. I’d write it off as something you’re not going to get back and the friendship too sadly
But I think the person owing the money has to pay that if the OP wins the case.

If they are really struggling then the court will make them pay a certain amount per week/month so that eventually it's paid off.

Footloosefancyfree · 20/06/2021 15:50

I voted yabu for simply lending someone money when they owed you money already and repeatedly did so.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2021 15:53

Lesson learned, don't lend money. I would just let it go because it's highly doubtful you will ever see that money again.