Leant a friend money-can I take them to court?

[Fredastaireschair]

I feel so stupid!
It's only £300. I won't starve.
I am more so annoyed with friend who I've known some 20 plus years.
I leant in bits and bats (£10,£20, £30 here and there) and friend would pay back borrow more pay back but always paid back.

Then they asked for a larger amount when already owed about £50, and then said their partner was getting a bonus on X date, could I lend a further amount and then they'd be back on their feet, would pay it all back and would never need to borrow again.

I trusted them and did it. Since then I've had 'bonus is on (a later) date now', then being blanked, then they gave me a different date-then I sent a message saying I was actually getting rather pissed off now, and I needed it back even if they had to beg/borrow-and they apologised profusely and said it would definitely definitely be paid back 'Saturday' (yesterday).

Should I send a more terse message? Try for small claims? Block them on everything (although this almost guarantees I'll never be paid back and probably gives them a reason not to)?

I don't know what is going on for friend. I know something occurred at work and they lost their (decent) job a year or so ago and now work in a minimum wage one, I get that times are hard.

It is more the false promises and lies! We've lived together (were at university together) have been there for one another multiple times, I really cannot believe they've done this at all.

Have you actually tried to talk to them and see if they're ok? If they're a good friend I doubt they'd have done it just to mug you off and if it were me I'd have been embarrassed to need to ask let alone to not be able to repay.

I get your pissed off but sending increasingly demanding messages is unlikely to result in your money back. They either can't or won't.

Could you try 'Hey, I know you'd said you'd pay that money back by yesterday and haven't, I know you know I'm annoyed, what's actually going on and do you need some help / someone to talk to?

Guess it depends how close you are but I wouldn't turn by back on a very close friend over £300 if they were having a terrible time. I'd have to be pretty close to them to lend them that sum of money.

Email them saying look I loaned you £300, you’ve missed all the repayment dates we’ve agreed, I’m now feeling that you are planning to never pay it back. I’ve offered to accept payment ininstallments, but you haven’t even done that. I can’t afford to just give up and let you keep my £300. If you don’t pay by then I’m taking you to the small claims court. I already have enough evidence to get a judgement against you, but I don’t want to do that, because then you’ll have to pay the legal costs and any bailiff fees. If you don’t pay then you leave me no choice, that is the next step though unfortunately.

Sorry not been back to the thread just had a lot going on
I appreciate all your help wifh this.
Yes dopey we were very close and I had tried talking to friend and even given budgeting advice first very gently then more assertively, while this scenario was occurring.. but I will trh again

I only sent messages that could possibly be construed as demanding, later on in this situation when I was being increasingly messed around. Everything was gently put before then. I may try to talk to them again, I've asked what has happened when the £ didn't materialise on their last promised date.

If that doesn't work i could try what skysblue has suggested.

vetti I have tried that :(

Of abusive relationship.. I Don't think so but it is always possible isn't it? No way of finding out really apart from asking?

Thanks to all who've posted links. Very helpful
Sorry not been back to the thread just had a lot going on
I appreciate all your help wifh this.
Yes dopey we were very close and I had tried talking to friend and even given budgeting advice first very gently then more assertively, while this scenario was occurring.. but I will trh again

I only sent messages that could possibly be construed as demanding, later on in this situation when I was being increasingly messed around. Everything was gently put before then. I may try to talk to them again, I've asked what has happened when the £ didn't materialise on their last promised date.

If that doesn't work i could try what skysblue has suggested.

I'm more bothered about friend letting this affect our friendship and not treating me with respect than I am about the £ :(
I will come back and answer again later, sorry for those whose replies I've missed

If i was you id pop over or bump into them and try to see them face to face in a last ditch attempt for them to see you as a person that theu like amd want to pay back. Maybe buy them a coffee and dont bring it up and see if they do. Then meet them again and raise it. Any more text stuff and i xan guarantree theu will dig in and create their own narrative that you are nagging them or dont trust them and jistify themself a why should i pay her back attitude

I'm more bothered about friend letting this affect our friendship

If that's the case I wouldn't consider taking out Court action. It sounds as though you are considering writing the money off?

I've recently lent a colleague, £15 and a previous £5 my rule is , if they don't pay that back then that's it, also when lending it, I did factor in that it may need to be written off. But at least hopefully I did some good when I originally lent it.

@burnoutbabe

police won't be at all interested, this is a civil matter. So look into small claims, ensure you have evidence and then say to "friend" - look this is awkward but i need this money back, please pay £50/£100 back on Payday and next x paydays. Else you will have to go via the court

If they don't pay when its done via a court order, you can (pay) and get a CCJ issued which will very much screw up their chances of getting mortgages etc.

your friendship seems screwed, a friend would agree a payment plan wouldn't they? suggest £50 per month from 1st July and it will be repaid by xmas. If they refuse, they clearly are not going to pay you back. Then i'd consider if the court fees were worth it but I'd tell them i was doing it regardless and make them wait to see what happens.

This is what annoys me about it-I did offer a payment plan (at least once, likely more than once).

Yes I tink the police would log it and that would be it.

@Footloosefancyfree

I voted yabu for simply lending someone money when they owed you money already and repeatedly did so.

Oh I know. They were SO full of promises, that partner would be getting this bonus and it would all be fine and life would then be so much easier everything paid off and how much they were looking forward to that and of course they'd pay it back immediately- this is someone I've been close to for years. I see how it looks now, but I really truly believed them. I know I'm blummin' stupid.

@Nancydrawn

I offered a payment plan some weeks ago and they said 'No! Want to give it you all back together and will do on X date!' I asked were they sure, 'yes of course!'

This choice is no longer up to her. I find what she said above to be very strange, actually: she could certainly pay you back early on an installment plan, but at least there would be a good faith effort.

I do think talking to your friend, as mentioned above, is a great idea. I'm not entirely sanguine that she'll meet up with you--my guess is that she is going to try to duck you.

You may have to bite the bullet and take the hit. It will ruin the friendship, which is sad. She sounds like she's having a rough time of it, what with losing her job, and I imagine that if she came to you and said, "look, I'm having an awful time, and I don't know when I can pay you back, but I can give you £5 a week for now," you would have understood. I mean, even if she just swallowed her pride and said, "this is awful, I don't know how I'm going to get through it, and I can't pay you. I'm so sorry. I will as soon as I can," you probably would be fine. But instead she's stringing you along, clearly not prioritizing you (with the nights out etc), and generally being irresponsible and rude.

This is exactly how I feel and look at it-and I most definitely would understand, of course I would. I am now thinking friend didn't go for a payment plan because had no intention of paying me back at all :(

Stringing me along is something I never ever thought would happen from this person at all.

Can the friendship carry on? Surely not if they refuse to speak to you about repaying. How could you ever meet up again at anything that involves cash as you'd be thinking "that £20 meal is my money" and if you see her on social media buying stuff you'd think the same.

So unless an honest chat happens (and she is obviously broke and not spending) your friendship is never to be the same anyway.

@burnoutbabe

Can the friendship carry on? Surely not if they refuse to speak to you about repaying. How could you ever meet up again at anything that involves cash as you'd be thinking "that £20 meal is my money" and if you see her on social media buying stuff you'd think the same.

So unless an honest chat happens (and she is obviously broke and not spending) your friendship is never to be the same anyway.

I don't think so :(

Which is a real shame!
We have so much in common, so much history and we used to talk a lot, be there for one another, have one another in stitches.. I really did think this was a proper friendship and I am the sort who really values that.
This is why this has upset me so much.

Since this thread I've sent a text asking is there a problem and to please not ignore me and another one saying if something is very wrong please talk to me,I'm there for them.

Message not opened though. I was either very wrong and they don't value our relationship as I did, or they're suffering something quite bad? Who knows. Thanks for everyone's help.

I would not want to remain friends with this person.

I'd write the money off but (and I admit this would be at least partly just to make myself feel better than to get any sort of resolution) I'd write them an email expressing how disappointed I was in them and how I couldn't understand why they saw fit to lie to me and try to manipulate me over and over again after 30 years of solid friendship.

I'd make the point quite clearly that our friendship could have withstood the borrowing of the cash and even the non-payment, but the lies and manipulation were something true friends just don't do to each other.

I do t think you will get anywhere with the small claims court. In order to pursue a Debt there needs to be a contract. In your case there was no intention to create legal relations and no consideration (eg interest) - therefore no contract.

Scarlettpixie is absolutely wrong about the law. The contract was an oral one. The loan of money and agreement to repay is sufficient to create legal relations. And the consideration came from you - you paid her a sum by way of loan. She is in default. The texts from her admitting liability to pay are helpful evidence in support of your claim.

All that said , it won’t be a happy prospect, taking your friend to court. Only you can decide if it’s worth it.

Your friend is obviously suffering a really tough time of some sort at the moment. You’ve known them a long time so they’re obvious not trying to swindle you. No one would risk this rather humiliating situation, being almost harassed for money by their old friend, over £300.

If you had been in a very tough situation and theirs was easier, would they have helped you? If the answer is yes and you’re not starving, have some compassion forgiveness and tolerance.

Your friend should not have given you dates of repayment and then missed them, and I understand that made you feel taken advantage of or foolish… this may not have been the intention at all, they may have far bigger financial worries than how to play games with you.

Debt can drive people to suicide, you don’t know how much else money they owe elsewhere. Let it go, forgive, move on. Your friend may surprise you sometime in the future when you’re not expecting it. Be gracious and take the high road. It will make you feel better, too.

@NotTooDistantFuture

Your friend is obviously suffering a really tough time of some sort at the moment. You’ve known them a long time so they’re obvious not trying to swindle you. No one would risk this rather humiliating situation, being almost harassed for money by their old friend, over £300.

If you had been in a very tough situation and theirs was easier, would they have helped you? If the answer is yes and you’re not starving, have some compassion forgiveness and tolerance.

Your friend should not have given you dates of repayment and then missed them, and I understand that made you feel taken advantage of or foolish… this may not have been the intention at all, they may have far bigger financial worries than how to play games with you.

Debt can drive people to suicide, you don’t know how much else money they owe elsewhere. Let it go, forgive, move on. Your friend may surprise you sometime in the future when you’re not expecting it. Be gracious and take the high road. It will make you feel better, too.

I really am not sure they're not trying to swindle me. I appreciate your post and want to be that person but... I've just learned they've hinted at a mutual friend for £ too, and they've had evry opportunity to confide in me or tell me how they're feeling. I'm just not sure.

As of if they'd have helped me, I'd have never asked so I'm really not sure? I've never borrowed money off anyone but my parents (for a very short length of time,I was remortgaging and they were guaranteed the funds back the moment I got them so it didn't feel like a real debt if you will).

I lent a very considerable 5 figure sum to a very good friend many years ago. I now know I'll never get it back, but I prefer to write it off and remain friends with her. At least she's honest and admits she has no chance now of repaying the loan.
Don't lend it, gift it. If you get it back that's a bonus.

I doubt she is trying to steal from you given that she's always paid you back in the past. You said she's struggling financially so why don't you set up a small payment plan like £20 a month. She's probably really embarrassed.
I have 2 friends that owe me larger amounts than that. One from maybe 4 years ago but she borrowed it when going through a really tough time, I don't hound her for the money, I know I'll get it back. She's been a good friend to me in the past so I accept that I'll be repaid. I don't have a lot of money, but money isn't everything. If she's been a good friend then try to be more understanding. Lying about it doesn't look good bit maybe she feels backed into a corner. Id never bring a friend to court over £300 unless they were rich and I was skint!

Since you’ve had the great fortune in life of never having to borrow from friends (some people don’t have family to ask), then this is why you’re struggling with letting this go… if you knew the pain and embarrassment of asking people for money, you may not be quite as upset with your friend. The fact that they may be asking others too, only indicates they are in a dire situation. For your friend’s sake, let’s hope they’re not being coerced as someone earlier mentioned.

Debt can be a complex situation and you may never fully understand what led to this.

Now it’s covid times, people may be under threat of all kinds of losses, including their homes. My heart aches to hear of such circumstances.

There by the grace of God go we.

I would tell them you're going to pursue them via MCOL if they don't pay you the money by X date.

I know that will be an awkward conversation but the friendship is over if you pursue it anyway.

By the way, why do you keep changing your username in this thread?

It stops your posts being highlighted to readers.

I did apologise for the name change, it was a mistake. This is a name I often use and I'd spelt it slightly differently when changing to it again and not noticed. Sorry.

Saoirse82 as mentioned upthread I did try this and friend refused saying they were able to pay it all back in a lump sum on x date and would prefer that.

Hmmm I might be a mile off but I suspect that what might be happening here is that the friend’s partner has been giving her a hard time about not earning enough/ not sharing his money with her so she’s had to borrow money from you and she’s tried to put it out of her mind by thinking that she’ll be able to give you the money back when he gets his bonus but now the bonus has arrived, he’s either not been forthcoming in sharing it or she doesn’t dare to tell him. People are rarely dicks on purpose, especially as you’ve known her so long, there’s usually something else going on. I’d be concerned about financial abuse TBH. That said that doesn’t mean you should write the debt off.

Never, ever, ever lend to a "friend".

I took my friend to court, she owed me £500 for a laptop. I won. The judge put on extras onto her costs like me taking the day off work and even petrol and parking. I had evidence of money owed from facebook and texts.

You really are not....