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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want covid vaccine even though bf says I cant

318 replies

Trumanshow · 18/06/2021 22:47

So my bf lives with his mum who is pretty old. Apparently her dr has said she shouldn't have the covid vaccine as it's not safe and no one who has had it can come into contact with her for 10 days. So my bf says Im not allowed to have it done. As far as I know the vaccine can't shed and if his mum is old (80s but otherwise healthy) she will be fine having the jab herself! She believes crystals heal....

I'm pretty well educated and they are starting to make me doubt myself, Im booked to have first dose tomorrow (my hometown has had a massive surge in cases) but I'm scared of the fallout if I do. AIBU just to go have it done even though he says I cant?

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 19/06/2021 03:42

Have the vaccine and dump the bf.

HonestlyFuckThis · 19/06/2021 03:42

Get your vaccine. Dump your controlling dickhead of a boyfriend.

daisychain01 · 19/06/2021 04:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Newestname001 · 19/06/2021 04:28

I hope you are going to have your vaccine, @Trumanshow and book in for your next one as soon as that's possible.

Then stay away from him and his mother for ten days and for as many days as you possibly can afterwards. Whilst doing that, take a good long look at what positives and negatives your boyfriend brings into your life and whether your life wouldn't be more positive without forbidding you tondo anything regarding YOUR health and your own life.

Rereading this thread should help. 🌹

Ponoka7 · 19/06/2021 04:39

Yet when you had Covid he wouldn't do your shopping because of having contact with his Mum. The only way to stop his Mum from being at risk is to all vaccinate. But this is just one of many issues.

You need to keep working on your self esteem and end things with him.

HeartvsBrain · 19/06/2021 05:09

OP, I'm not going to waste my breath (figuratively speaking) telling you what everyone else has told you, because in your heart and brain you already know all of this. What I am much more worried about for you (and many others on this thread have touched on this too), is why are you still with this man? You have previoisly told us that he cheats on you - are you sure about that OP, he sounds screwed up enough to think that you thinking all these other woman find him attractive and interesting enough to sleep with him, is a positive for him, and you haven't left him, so did that work for you? I do not mean that as an insult to you OP, because I don't think you are stupid, (far from it, you come across as being an intelligent humam being), but I do think that you must have very low self-esteem, and also that you believe that you could not function without a man in your life, and that no other man could possibly find you attractive (I really hope that I am not just projecting here, as I spent many of my younger years feeling just like that, but sadly I didn't acknowledge that to myself at the time). Does that hit any slight chords with you OP? If so, I truly believe that you would benefit from the right sort of counselling, so please start off with your GP if you like and trust her/him, because you deserve so much more than this manchild.

I cannot believe that you can be excited about the idea of living with this man until the day one of you dies. It would almost certainly mean you moving into his Mum's house, and you having no autonomy of your own. You would be forbidden to make your own decisions, you would never feel like it is your home, and that you could come and go as you pleased, or have any input to meal choices, decorating the house, buying furniture, or even being allowed to choose pictutres for the walls, or ornaments that you liked. I very much fear that you would increasingly - if not straight away - be expected to do all the cooking, cleaning, looking after your mother-in-law's personal/intimate care, and when she dies, you would still be expected to carry out all of the other chores, and eventually be your partners personal nurse if he ever needs one. I doubt that the house would ever have your name added to the deeds.

Even if your partner looks like a young Omar Sharif (showing my age and tastes here!), and has the sexual stamina of a raging bull, I would find it difficult to believe that your partner is a caring, considerate lover, who nearly always trys to make sure that you are both happy and satisfied with your joint lovemaking. However, if he is, maybe there could be a slight hope for a future with him, IF he agreed to intense and longterm therapy, because he realises that at the moment he is an inconsiderate, manipulative, controlling bully in every other aspect of his life.

Please don't waste your lifetime OP, this could well be the only one we get. Even if you don't at the moment believe that you deserve any better, or that you could attract anyone else, or that you could live the rest of your life without a partner, you Do deserve an awful lot better, you CAN absolutely attract other people, and if you CHOOSE, you could live the rest of your life without a partner, and be extremely happy/content. Once you have some counselling, so that you recognise your true worth, and throw yourself into developing any interests that you have, you will look back on your life now with probably some sadness at your own lack of self worth, but also with the contentment of knowing that you pulled yourself out of this miserable time, with a bit of help from professionals, and hopefully some friends and family, but you will be the one who did it, for yourself, without you, it could not have happened. If I am entirely wrong about you and your partner then you have my abject apologies, but you probably stopped reading this ages ago anyway! But if any of it does ring true, then please do help yourself by asking for help from others, and learning to believe in yourself x

PurpleFlower1983 · 19/06/2021 05:38

Get the vaccine and some self esteem while you’re there. Leave the cheating, lazy, controlling bastard!

PurpleyBlue · 19/06/2021 05:48

I'm not allowed to see him for 10 days after vaccine either apparently...

Have the vaccine if you want it as
1 - you can manage without seeing him for 10 days.
2 - you shouldn't probably never see him again.

Doris86 · 19/06/2021 05:59

@AdoraBell

Have the vaccine, don’t contact him for the 10 days then just get on with your life.
No, have the vaccine and then don’t contact him for rest of your life.
Doris86 · 19/06/2021 06:02

Your bf is the one putting his Mum at risk by not having the vaccine.

This idea that the vaccine can give you Covid, which you can then pass on to others is absolute tosh. No qualified doctor would believe that.

TacCat49 · 19/06/2021 06:24

FFS. What the hell has it got to do with him?

Mousetown · 19/06/2021 06:29

Have you dumped him yet?

Mousetown · 19/06/2021 06:32

Just read your other posts about him. Seriously OP, this man is an absolute cunt. Don’t waste any more of your precious time with this loser.

Twinkie01 · 19/06/2021 06:47

Goodness that imaginary Doctor has given you a fantastic 10 day window to get rid.

GinPink · 19/06/2021 06:51

For god sake just dump him. He sounds like a complete weirdo.

squiglet111 · 19/06/2021 06:53

He sounds thick as shit. Get your vaccine.

Roselilly36 · 19/06/2021 06:55

Do what’s right for you. If you want the vaccine have it, don’t be dictated to. Everyone has the right to chose.

Tulipomania · 19/06/2021 06:55

Get vaccinated, dump boyfriend.

Sorted.

Thatswatshesaid · 19/06/2021 06:56

I feel sad that you want to continue this relationship. You haven’t moved in together yet and should be in the honeymoon period but instead he’s cheating on you, gas lighting you and attempting to control you. He’s behaviour will only get worse. You deserve much better than this.

endofthelinefinally · 19/06/2021 06:56

Why would you want to be in a relationship with such a liar?

Newkitchen123 · 19/06/2021 06:56

Have the jab
Use the ten days to regain some control over your life
Then tell him to piss off

Hallyup6 · 19/06/2021 06:59

I can't believe any adult would be that daft (any of you). I've had the az jab, my husband didn't want it. At no point did he say I couldn't have it, and even if he had have done, I'd have still gone and had it. That's really weird behaviour from your partner. Take control of your own health.

grapewine · 19/06/2021 07:01

Why are you still with this man? You should want more for yourself.

TheClaws · 19/06/2021 07:05

@kittie01

My doctor is no longer giving it out so perhaps the doctor is telling the truth. Some people are advised against getting it. Yabu listening ti him telling you what to do but you should stay away for a period of time due to shedding

No COVID vaccines "shed." This is a myth.

NoNameNoOne · 19/06/2021 07:09

Wow. Controlling AND a liar. You don't "pass on" the vaccine. If you did it would be a lot easier to end this shit!
I'd be seriously considering if this was the type of man I wanted to be with if he was willing to risk your health for his misguided views.
Sorry he's been such a dick to you x