Is this comment racist?

[piedpeppa]

NC for this as appalled it even happened.

Something came up on tv about Japan and 4yr old DS (who asks questions non-stops these days) says to DH, what is Japan?
I'm in the kitchen and I can hear DH telling DS that it's a country with amazing technology and food etc. Then he goes, 'you know how me and mum and your teachers all look different?
Well in Japan, everyone looks the same.'
I couldn't believe he'd just said that!

I piped in immediately and said you can't teach him that, it's a rude stereotype and racist af!
He argues it's not racist and is actually true. I was so upset and told him he can't teach DS things like that! So shocked.

AIBU here????

But ultimately, wouldn't you be better off asking him what he means by that, or saying 'Daddy's just being silly!' then talking to him later, than jumping in and creating incomprehensible tension, in front of your child?

@Rosesareyellow

When I was a teenager I joined a school with many pupils from Hong Kong - I have to be honest and say they did initially similar to me and it was hard to recognise and distinguish some faces. But with time that changed and then it felt weird to have initially thought that. So I guess if you don’t spend time around many South East Asian people you can find they look quite similar - but surely a grown adult man knows that’s down to their own ignorance and perception and not because they actually look the same. Because of course they don’t. So yes, racist. Or just very stupid...

Same, at university I struggled to differentiate the girls from East Asia. Now I obviously recognise them all.

I knew it was just down to lack of exposure. I could still tell they didn't literally look the same. I just couldn't pick up on subtleties for a little while.

Wouldn't say something like that to a child ('they all look the same'), very dumb and could encourage other sweeping generalisations/racism in a child's mind imo

Yep, racist and wrong. Your DH is a that.

Twat

Perhaps you should book an educational trip to Tokyo...

Oh yes! That would fantastic!

Why is anyone defending this?! Of course it’s racist

Iceland is not particularly diverse... but few people say 'They all look the same'.

The long and short of it is underlying racism.

There's probably a little racism in most of us, truth be told. But we do our utmost to defend against it.

If someone called me a racist, I'd generally be offended. I'd consider it a slur and an insult... however, do I ever make an irrational judgment based on a culture? yes. Do I ever make an irrational judgment based on gender? yes, or sexuality? yes...

But do I try to recognise it in myself and counter it? I think most decent people would.

But ultimately, wouldn't you be better off asking him what he means by that, or saying 'Daddy's just being silly!' then talking to him later, than jumping in and creating incomprehensible tension, in front of your child

No in this case I think it's better to address it frankly in a way that hammers it home rather than risk having him going off to his reception class and inform his teacher that Japanese people all look the same.

I have heard Chinese people say that White people look the same to them, it’s nothing to get her up over!

Het up.

What's his explanation OP? What did he think he was saying?

Wtf 😳

Jesus christ, what is wrong with him? Racist AF.

Surely you would have noticed before now if your husband was an out and racist OP. I think the tone of voice in which the comment was said is important - for example, my shockingly racist older relative in the 70's would say "they all look the bloody same" about black people- a derogatory racist comment. I think your husband was just clumsy in his explanation of his observation that hair and eye shape and colour for instance is less diverse than in England. He needs to think more carefully how he phrases things, but I don't think he should be labelled as racist. Well done for calling him out over thus.

@Looubylou

Surely you would have noticed before now if your husband was an out and racist OP. I think the tone of voice in which the comment was said is important - for example, my shockingly racist older relative in the 70's would say "they all look the bloody same" about black people- a derogatory racist comment. I think your husband was just clumsy in his explanation of his observation that hair and eye shape and colour for instance is less diverse than in England. He needs to think more carefully how he phrases things, but I don't think he should be labelled as racist. Well done for calling him out over thus.

Right. It's a generalisation and racist comment which is what I said.

But he took offence saying I labelled him racist which I definitely didn't. It's the first time we've argued about anything like this.
Hopefully the last!😮‍💨😮‍💨

I used to work with a Chinese chap in my late teens, he was the same age (I worked for his family). We used to say "white people all look the same" "Chinese people all look the same" as an edgy joke. We were very close so it was definitely a joke - based on the fact that it is really racist! Admittedly, I was originally astonished to find out that white people look the same to Chinese people.

Asian raced people do not all look the same and to say so is really ignorant. Has your husband not got about much? Maybe he is genuinely in ignorance and can be helped?

Why do people take more offence at being perceived as racist than actual racist behaviour or remarks?
Yes, it's a racist comment.
Basically saying they all merge into one, kind of dehumanising.
Definitely an ignorant/racist comment.

If course it's a racist comment.

The child he's talking to is 4 so even if he meant something nuanced like most Japanese people have black hair, "everybody looks alike" is a strange thing to say. A 4 year old is probably going to literally imagine people who are carbon copies walking the streets there.

It's a bit worrying that you have to ask if a blatantly racist comment is racist.

indeed, all white people do look the same in some contexts
I have been in a remote african village and been mistaken for another white woman of a similar age to me but otherwise not at all alike. I was explicitly told 'all you people look the same to us'

As for OP's DH's comment, he referred to himself, mummy and the teachers. If he is white, mummy is black and the teachers a mix of South Asian, Arab, South European then they WILL all look more different from each other than a similar sample of Japanese people.

Reminds me of this

Racist? People are dumb.

@BettyBurntBuns

Racist? People are dumb.

Do you think it's not a racist thing to say?

Racist, ignorant, incorrect and all the more unacceptable being told to a child. Spin it round - it would be equally racist and wrong. Racism is simply ignorance, discrimination and hate so just plain wrong!

@BettyBurntBuns

Racist? People are dumb.

How else would you categorise an incorrect sweeping statement applied to a group of people based only on their ethnicity ?