He basically called me fat and ugly

[Fiftypounds]

Partner and I have both gained a little bit of weight during lock down ive gone from a size 10 to a 10-12 so I’m not huge or anything but a few of my dresses now don’t fit. I mentioned this to my partner saying I was annoyed I couldn’t wear this dress I have and love. He said don’t worry we have both got fatter and uglier over lockdown. I said did you just call me fat and ugly he backtracked tried to dig his way out and apologised. I have a bit of anxiety and worry a lot and now I’m worried he actually thinks that of me. Since then I’ve mentioned it but I think he thinks I’m joking and not upset by it aibu to be upset still and have a word with him or has the boat sailed for that

I think you're being a bit unfair.

He was making a joke. A clumsy one, but as it was also at his own expense, I doubt there was any malice in it. Let it go.

It sounds like a flippant comment that he thought would be funny but wasn’t. Try not to read too much into it, you sound like you’re lovely and slim even if you have gained a bit of weight.

It was obviously a joke.

I can understand the fat comment tactless as it was but there was no need to add ugly when referring to you

I think it was a joke

To me it sounds like a throw away non serious remark and if everything else is ok I would have put it down him meaning ' yeah, we've both let things slide a little during lockdown'

Whilst the fatter bit is 'ok'- you know it to be true- the ugly bit is absolutely not on.
Ugliness/beauty is pretty much a personal and subjective issue, not really quantifiable.
Putting on/losing weight is a fact( regardless of how you feel about it). Is he saying you are uglier because you have put on weight ?
I would not be happy in your shoes.

He was joking. Relax. He didn't call you fat or ugly.

It was a throw away comment. Turn it into a big argument if you want to but it’s a waste of everyone’s time. He’s already apologised you didn’t take it the way he meant it.

What else do you want him to do?

You having a bit of anxiety - like most of the population at times - doesn’t mean he should be punished for making a joke.

He was making a slightly cack-handed joke, about both of you and lockdown.

Are you always this much hard work?!

He didn’t call you fat; he said you’d both got fatter. And I thought you said you’d put on weight. What is that, if not getting fatter?

It was meant to be an affectionate joke at both of you but clearly not a successful one.

Actually to add to my earlier comment it was a common saying about someone in a lighthearted way even if they were t fat or ugly. ' say if someone wanted something found a common retort is ' your fat and ugly enough to do it yer self!!'
Its a pretty common saying where I live.
It was something that was said to me, my siblings, my friends. We all say it to our kids. Thankfully everyone knows its a daft joke.

He really didn't call you fat and ugly based on what you've written. Sounds like he was trying to make you feel better by pointing out that he has also gained weight. Don't worry about it.

Use it as an excuse to have your hair done and get some beauty treatments. Nails, full make up etc. When he queries it, tell him it's his fault for being so rude.

The fact he included himself makes it a 'don't feel so bad, we're all a bit chunky after lockdown' kinda joke. It was a clumsy attempt to make you feel better about yourself.

Lucky he didn't get covid, he got foot-in-mouth disease instead. I wouldn't sweat it.

Generally if you're mentioning your weight, it's fair that you get responses on it that might not be 'aww but you're perfect//you're not fat!//you don't need to lose weight'

The 'uglier' comment, I suppose was uncalled for, but it sounds like it was a well meaning self-deprecating comment not actively calling YOU ugly.

It sounds like a clumsy but otherwise well meaning, its not like he replied 'well no surprise your dress doesn't fit, Tubs, you've really piled on the pounds!'

I have chronically low self esteem and even I can see he was joking. I would honestly just laugh it off, he obviously doesnt think you're ugly!

Obviously he was joking. He also called himself that...

He's talking about himself as well. Think everyone's got fatter and a bit rougher in lock down

@KrisAkabusi

He was making a joke. A clumsy one, but as it was also at his own expense, I doubt there was any malice in it. Let it go.

This.

You would have to really dig deep to be offended by what was clearly a joke he applied to both of you. You announce you’ve gained weight and he doesn’t lie to you (good) but acknowledges what you’ve said in a light hearted affectionate way, applying the same description to himself to soften up the conversation. You immediately take umbrage.

You sound very hard work indeed.

Of course he didn't really mean it. It was a joke.

I think he was joking OP...