He basically called me fat and ugly

[Fiftypounds]

Partner and I have both gained a little bit of weight during lock down ive gone from a size 10 to a 10-12 so I’m not huge or anything but a few of my dresses now don’t fit. I mentioned this to my partner saying I was annoyed I couldn’t wear this dress I have and love. He said don’t worry we have both got fatter and uglier over lockdown. I said did you just call me fat and ugly he backtracked tried to dig his way out and apologised. I have a bit of anxiety and worry a lot and now I’m worried he actually thinks that of me. Since then I’ve mentioned it but I think he thinks I’m joking and not upset by it aibu to be upset still and have a word with him or has the boat sailed for that

Let it go.

You put yourself down to start with, then got annoyed when he tried to reassure you by saying it was ok, both of you had let yourselves go over lockdown.

It's silly to be obsessing about it. And you do sound as though you need constant reassurance, which is very tiresome in a partner.

No one on here is being terribly nasty or laying it on thick.

Telling someone to 'grow up' is pretty nasty in my book.

I sympathise op but I really think you're projecting your insecurities onto him. I actually lost loads of weight recently (size 12 to a size 6) and someone said something similar to me the other day. I know I'm not fat it's just automatic small talk.

One person said ‘grow up’. One.

And if I’d have reacted to something in a similar way, in this house I’d have been told the same.

I’ve read a hell of a lot worse on aibu.
It may have been a bit unnecessary but there was a big drip feed about illness too which may have been missed.

On the OP alone, I can’t see it was so bad. 🤷‍♀️

@SheldonesqueTheBstard

One person said ‘grow up’. One.

And if I’d have reacted to something in a similar way, in this house I’d have been told the same.

I’ve read a hell of a lot worse on aibu.
It may have been a bit unnecessary but there was a big drip feed about illness too which may have been missed.

On the OP alone, I can’t see it was so bad. 🤷‍♀️

Two people said grow up. And I get what you mean, but we all have varying levels of sensitivity. Personally I'd find being told to grow up unacceptable, I'd call out anyone who said it, and I like to think I'd never say it to someone else. I can't speak for the OP but it would definitely have made me feel I was being kicked while I was down.

I've read worse on AIBU too, but tbh AIBU can be so toxic at times that I don't think that's a very healthy metric to judge anything by tbh.

It was clearly a joke.

I can’t say I’ve told anyone to grow up either. I have certainly thought it though.

not A very healthy metric to judge anything by?

No. Not judging anything by that at all. Simply an observation.

It just wouldn’t have been a thing I’d have been upset about because there seems to have been absolutely no malice behind it.

I do think there are better boards to be on than AIBU if one is sensitive.

If my husband said this, I'd find this funny. He said "we" and was likely making light of the situation

Only a minority of people look better as they age so most of us do get uglier every year.
I don't know if he meant it literally though and he might have meant himself more than you as he said it about both of you.

@Somuddled I’ve stated here that he’s gained weight but never to his face even when he’s mentioned he’s gained weight I’ve always changed the subject onto how hot/attractive he is
Like I said I over reacted he’s also ditched me to last minute I always see him every Friday and this Wednesday I asked what he wanted for dinner while we watch the football but he’s watching it with his flat mate and will see me Saturday. My anxiety and mood has been shocking I also have pmdd which is at its worst right now I’ve been barely able to go to work with out being sick I’ve been crying when I’m at home alone because I’m so stressed an in pain. He’s been super busy with work but lives half an hour away so I assumed he would see me this week as He normally comes to me on Wednesdays and I go to him for the weekend. so I took what he said and him not wanting to see me as something way worse than it was it’s made me think the worst. He’s text me today saying he can’t wait for this week to be over so he can see me Saturday I’m sorry to drip feed if I have I’m just in bed trying to keep myself awake until 10 so i can try and get an ok nights sleep

It’s horrible that I feel like this but it’s almost as though when the pmdd is bad I have this voice telling me that no one loves me why would they etc also my last ex was horrible and nasty bully so he would say things like these and really mean it

I do think there are better boards to be on than AIBU if one is sensitive.

But without wanting to derail, why are people so willing to accept nastiness as part of the status quo? I mean, the board is called Am I Being Unreasonable, not Here's Where You Get To Call Complete Strangers Nasty Names. (I don't mean you SheldonesqueTheBstard, I mean in general.)

It's like people think AIBU is some sort of free-for-all whereby it's fine for people to be horrible because if the poor little snowflakes don't like it they can always go play somewhere else. Anyway, I'm stepping off my soapbox now as it's not my intention to derail.