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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my friend being a cf

117 replies

bagpuss90 · 17/06/2021 09:49

I got a text from a friend saying she had decided to take a break from WhatsApp but would still be texting me. Okay no problem with that - except she sends me several pictures messages a day- pics of her dogs , jokes etc. I get charged for picture messages sent via text. Over the last few days it’s cost me around 3 quid a day. I’ve politely pointed this out . But the response I’ve got is that we don’t ever really meet up now due to the distance and it’s not much to invest in a friendship . I’ve not had a great year financially - trying to plan for semi retirement which has now been delayed. At this rate it’ll be costing about 100 quid a month , which to my mind is a total waste of much needed cash. She does have a history of depression. The last thing I want to do is upset her and she is very sensitive . I don’t want to block her. I’m happy to text and chat - but bloody hell

OP posts:

cattreats · 17/06/2021 13:14

She's clearly sending you mms messages - you can block them on your phone.

Brefugee · 17/06/2021 13:14

Just block MMS messages. And send her an invoice.
And stop opening them

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/06/2021 13:26

@MeanyJoany

I'd block her for sending pics of her dog even if it was free 😂 who the fuck wants pictures of others people's dogs

She sounds like hard work

me . . .

SingingInTheShithouse · 17/06/2021 13:30

it’s not much to invest in a friendship

That there IS definitely very entitled cheeky fuckery, even just telling you that you switch to text, because she has decided to dump WhatsApp & she says so is extremely entitled & the rest sounds emotional blackmail to me. Pushing you to prove a friendship in this way, is in my experience also smacks of narcissism.

I'd be seeing this as an eyes wide open to what kind of friend she is & taking this as an opportunity to back right off

Immunetypegoblin · 17/06/2021 13:31

Would she consider an app like Signal? It's a direct messaging app that allows photos to be sent but is free.

BeachSunsets · 17/06/2021 13:32

Don’t open the messages! Otherwise I would say something to her. It’s not fair that you get charged because she doesn’t want to use a free messaging service.

Heartofglass12345 · 17/06/2021 13:39

I don't get why she needs a break from WhatsApp, it's literally a messaging service the same as texting.
Is she usually this dramatic?

khakiandcoral · 17/06/2021 13:43

@Heartofglass12345

I don't get why she needs a break from WhatsApp, it's literally a messaging service the same as texting. Is she usually this dramatic?

because it's taking a break from FB is soooo last year

c190 · 17/06/2021 13:43

If she can be "not prepared" to use Whatsapp, messenger etc, then you can be "not prepared" to use text messages as well. She may have reasons for not wanting to use certain apps, and you are expected to just deal with it, then why doesn't it work the other way round? You have reasons for not wanting to communicate via text, so she should respect that too.

NewPapaGuinea · 17/06/2021 13:48

This used to be a thing in the early days of mobile phones where you’d be charged to receive them.

GreyhoundG1rl · 17/06/2021 13:52

Just block her, fgs! . Who would seriously pay 3 quid every day to look at pictures of the same dogs?!

JassyRadlett · 17/06/2021 14:02

I'd just disable MMS messages on your phone to eliminate the issue.

Then if she complains you're not responding to her, you can explain you haven't seen any messages as you're now only set up for SMS.

LittleTiger007 · 17/06/2021 14:02

You need to point it out clearly but firmly. Something along the lines of:

I really enjoy hearing from you and value our friendship. However, as I have stated before, it costs me to receive your messages. What I don’t think you understand it that at this rate it will cost me about £100 a month! I really don’t have this money and this is what things like WhatsApp were invented for. We can chat there for free. I’d love to do that but I won’t be opening any more picture messages that will incur a charge, I’m sure you understand that that is not a cost I am willing to pay. I’d much rather spend the money on an occasional glass of wine when we can meet up in person!

Chatty, fair and clear. Then block her if she continues as I agree I really could not be paying those fees. She is being unreasonable and needs to grasp this. Yes she’s vulnerable if she suffers from depression, but she is also being very selfish. Be clear, kind, but make it clear this can not continue,

LittleTiger007 · 17/06/2021 14:03

@JassyRadlett

I'd just disable MMS messages on your phone to eliminate the issue.

Then if she complains you're not responding to her, you can explain you haven't seen any messages as you're now only set up for SMS.

This.

After explaining about the cost. “Sorry but you left me with no choice”

bigbaggyeyes · 17/06/2021 14:05

Check with your supplier about being charged for pictures, if there's no way round it and she won't stop sending them, then block her and tell her she needs to find an alternative way of messaging.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 17/06/2021 14:21

@MiddleParking

I would block her for sending me daily pictures of her dogs, charge or no charge.

FleetwoodRaincoat · 17/06/2021 14:22

Remind her again that it's costing you and politely suggest that if she wants to send you pictures of her dog that she's welcome to print them out and post them to your home address. That'll put a stop to it.

Viviennemary · 17/06/2021 14:40

Just no. Block her until she finds another way to communicate. Say you simply cant afford it. She sounds batty.

Heartofglass12345 · 17/06/2021 14:40

@khakiandcoral i cant keep up with the trends

EscapeToTheMountains · 17/06/2021 14:55

She's sensitive, but not sensitive enough to be mortified that she's costing you money simply because she won't use an app that would save you money.

I'd explain the situation one more time, then tell her you're sorry, but you have to set a spending cap to prevent going over your limit, then do it or block her, if the spending cap doesn't work.

I don't like a lot of social media, either, but you can avoid most aspects of social media and still use the parts that are effective and useful, like messaging close friends and family.

Jenny70 · 17/06/2021 15:10

I would say if she prefers to communicate by text, then only to send texts (or phone calls if that is acceptable to you). If she continues with texting pictures you will "come off" texting, just like she chose to "come off" what'sapp - basically blocking her number. She can email or send a letter... postage is less than you'd be paying every week!

Tooshytoshine · 17/06/2021 15:11

Tell her to download signal... It is less mentally draining than whatsapp

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/06/2021 15:20

@bagpuss90

"But the response I’ve got is that we don’t ever really meet up now due to the distance and it’s not much to invest in a friendship ." (my bolding)

To paraphrase - I don't care if it costs you money.

"The last thing I want to do is upset her and she is very sensitive ."
If she were actually sensitive, she'd be sensitive to not costing you money. She'd be sensitive to your needs. So I don't think she's sensitive. I expect she just goes in a huff when people tell her no. That's not sensitive - that's selfish.

finallymightbehappening · 17/06/2021 15:28

Spend cap. I have put one on my phone as my daughter kept sending emojis (I pay her bill too) so I put caps on both our accounts as it's too easy to a end up with a bill!

skodadoda · 17/06/2021 15:49

@Sparklfairy

Just send one message saying its costing money you don't have, and if she wants to text thats fine but if she sends any more pics then you'll have to block her there as you can't afford it.

Is she incapable of sending you an email to keep in touch?

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