AIBU to NOT tell dd's friend's parents she is putting herself at risk?

[TradingGrapesForWine]

DD has a friend Jane who is 17yrs and will be 18yrs in the summer hols. A few months ago Jane went on a trip by herself abroad (I'm going to ignore the Covid implications as that isn't the point). While she was there she was having one night stands, going back to the flats of men she met on nights out - stuff dd described to me as 'risky' behaviour, I suspect we are not hearing the full extent of things. Dd is not remotely judgey or prudish and usually doesn't tell us any of this stuff but has mentioned it to me and dh separately so I think she is worried.

Now Jane's parents are funding another solo trip abroad (again, consider x 10000000 re. Covid implications) in the summer holidays.

I have no idea if this friend's parents know what she is up to on these breaks but they are delighted with how she has 'caught the travel bug' etc. I don't know the parents but do have contact details (from party pick up arrangements a while ago).

So AIBU to just step back and let this girl get on with putting herself in these situations. She's almost an adult and it's really up to her and none of my business. Her parents either know and don't mind or have no idea. I don't want to betray dd's confidence but there's a part of me that thinks if my dd was doing this, I would hope someone would tell me! I remember a poster on here saying her parents were super liberal and she got up to all sorts of stuff she wasn't equipped to deal with and she wishes her parents had set some rules, that has always stuck with me. Jane is a bit of a drama queen and dd says there is some talk about Jane being autistic (from Jane but other friends think it is likely) but she has no diagnosis. I've met Jane several times and she has no filter. She's actually quite charming but I think quite vulnerable in a way, not so much wears her heart on her sleeve as just hands it over to you straight away IYKWIM.

YANBU - just keep my nose out of it

YABU - say something to the parents (not directly but in a way which protects dd as being the source of this information for example through a third party)

At that age, I was at university thousands of miles away from my parents. I would have been appalled if some well-meaning but misguided adult had gone running to my parents to give a third-hand account of my activities. Honestly, it is none of your business. My advice is to stay out of it entirely.

Also, armchair diagnoses of ASD or ADHD are worthless and really shouldn't enter into the matter at all.

@bargelights

At that age, I was at university thousands of miles away from my parents. I would have been appalled if some well-meaning but misguided adult had gone running to my parents to give a third-hand account of my activities. Honestly, it is none of your business. My advice is to stay out of it entirely.

Also, armchair diagnoses of ASD or ADHD are worthless and really shouldn't enter into the matter at all.

Yep.. my mother's hair would curl if she knew what I was up to at that age.

@tornadosequins

Arranging or paying for the travel of a child under 18 in the knowledge they will be sexually exploited by another person or persons in the destination country is a trafficking offence.

I would say her parents should be questioning their parenting.

Whut? In what way is that applicable to the OP? The parents don’t know the details of the DD’s sex life (appropriately), and they don’t know she’ll be “sexually exploited”, we don’t know she’ll be “sexually exploited” sexually either. A young woman experimenting with her sexuality, or even being promiscuous does NOT constitute a crime that her parents are implicated in FGS.

At that age, I was at university thousands of miles away from my parents.

Presumably surrounded by your peers and with the support of student services.

we don’t know she’ll be “sexually exploited” sexually either.

From what the OP’s daughter says, she is, hence the concern.

(But of course this isn’t trafficking)

@merrymouse

we don’t know she’ll be “sexually exploited” sexually either.

From what the OP’s daughter says, she is, hence the concern.

The reason it’s not trafficking is because it’s of her own volition, which might incidentally work to the advantage of a few men, but it isn’t “sexual exploitation” in any real sense, certainly not in any sense that relates to trafficking.

@tornadosequins’ post was bizarre.

I wasn’t being sarcastic - I’m agree that it isn’t trafficking.

Well we agree then.

Some really interesting answers, thanks all. So essentially I am not being unreasonable by staying out of it.
I think the poster who thinks autistic teenagers, especially with ADHD are not more vulnerable
social situations than NTs is just wrong. No amount of training will change that even if it does improves things.

@ByeClare not sure what your issue is but perhaps some physio for that enormous chip on your shoulder might help. It is Jane who has mentioned ASD and dd thinks she is right. Dd has talked about it with the other girls in their friendship group who are also concerned about Jane’s behaviour. I didn’t say it was ‘our’ opinion as I thought that would make it sound like we had decided that she is autistic and has ADHD which is why we were concerned. I would be concerned anyway, those factors just make me even more worried about her. Anyway I fully intend to keep my nose out of it other than speaking to dd about finding another way to address it with Jane if that is what she wants to do.