To worry I have made the wrong decision for dd?

[coffeebeanzmeanz]

So today dd13 went for her first visit to secondary with her class (well the ones who chose the same school)

She hated it! She thought it was too big. Too many ppl, etc etc One of her BFF's is going to another school in the opposite direction which is smaller but We thought the bigger school would be better for dd as she can be quite shy and We thought it would be good to broaden her mind and social life a bit.

Now I feel like I have made the wrong decision? Should I see if I can swap or stick to the decision we made?

There's pros and cons. My chikdren went from a tiny village primary with 40 something pupils in the entire school to a seconday with around 1200 pupils and yes, it was quite a shock to the system at first. But they did adapt quite quickly and discovered there were positives to being in a fairly big school.
The secondaries in our county vary considerably in size - ours, I would guess is somewhere around the middle. In some ways smaller secondaries did seem appealing, but one thing I noticed was that the breadth of subjects offered for GCSE and particularly A level was much less at the small schools, and also the range of extracurricular activities was narrower. A levels probably seem a world away, and of course your DD may want to move by then anyway, but I'd just suggest you take a bit of a step back and consider the bigger picture before you make any changes. Obviously you had reasons for this decision in the first place and your DD's initial reaction might change in time.

@Howshouldibehave no that's the whole school.

I don't know if it's oversubscribed,I'll have to wait until tomorrow to ask.

She might be fine. I was painfully shy and undiagnosed autistic and had a massive panic before i went to secondary school. It was a big school but I settled really well. We moved area a few years later and I went to a much smaller school but never settled there and really hated it. You can't judge anything on first impressions. It's much more about having good relationships and if she makes friends and the teachers are nice then she'll most probably be ok.

[quote coffeebeanzmeanz]@Howshouldibehave no that's the whole school.

I don't know if it's oversubscribed,I'll have to wait until tomorrow to ask. [/quote]
600 pupils from y7-11? Is it private?

That's quite old to be moving to secondary usually they go up at 11 start secondary in yr 7

I assume this is a middle school area

@ineedaholidaynow

I assume this is a middle school area

Yes, that’s why I assumed it was a small upper school, but the OP said the smaller school is the whole school which I’m presuming is 7-11.

Is the 1300 one years 7-11 as well? It may be hard starting a school part way through when the others will have already done 2 years together.

Small state secondary schools do exist. There’s one near us that has 400 pupils from years 7-11. Far from being oversubscribed it’s mostly been in the failing category for many years now.

OP my son went from tiny to the biggest in area. People from his old school are there but not in any of his classes and due to covid they're not in the same area for lunch. He has thrived. He was quiet and happy in the old school, he is quiet and happy here. If you can't change and you want to there's still a chance it will all work out, just letting you know

I am going to take the counter argument of nearly every other poster, and point out ( assuming this is state and a middle school area, if private discount) that smaller schools do not have economies of scale, most are really struggling financially. This will affect your dd in terms of textbooks, trips, science practicals, sports, class sizes etc etc. The current government squeeze on funding is exacerbating this massively.
All secondary schools look big to kids just moving up, she has done one day. Reassure her and send her to the bigger school

@Howshouldibehave no it's not private. We are in Ireland and we have first year to sixth year.

@suzy2b we are in Ireland where they move up at 12/13

@Loshad in Ireland the parents buy all of the textbooks.

Both schools have v good facilities

1300 is actually quite a small school. I chose a school this size as a small-school choice for my DC, versus one that was well over 2000. 1300 is a nice size- the teacher will know who she is (after a few weeks) and there will be a good mixture of children to find friends in.
Btw even if she goes to the tiny school (600 is miniscule) the best friend and her will likely part ways. It always happens, no matter how convinced you and they are that the friendship will last. The best that happens is that they are in the same group of friends, but that will be easier at a bigger school. 600 is too small - you can get horrible cliques forming when it is too small and there is no escape and no choice of other friends.
Stick it out, if it all goes wrong then move schools. But it will probably be OK.
Btw induction days when the whole school is there are chaotic and scary. Hopefully she will get to start a day early in September when things are quieter.

600 is quite a normal size for a school, mine never went to anything bigger, nor did I.

I would always trust a child's instincts regarding school.

Don't know if it's been said but do you know for sure that the BFF in the smaller school will be staying there? I'm thinking that if a place in the big school becomes available, will it be taken by someone she knows and was counting on at the smaller school?

Good luck with whatever you decide.

600 is quite a normal size for a school, mine never went to anything bigger, nor did I
Yes, agreed, mine was 500-600, which is why about the horrible cliques forming and lack of choice of alternative friends... .

@shouldbeironing100 yes she will be staying the live that but closer to it and her older siblings already attend

My kids went from a one form entry primary to 1600 pupil secondary and love(d) it

In the beginning they found the sheer size of the older kids overwhelming. They are now the big kids and can't believe how small the year 6s are on transition day.

Op, the bottom line is that you are very unlikely to get a place in the smaller school once the places are assigned, so I would say that you need to focus on supporting your DD’s transition, while trying to change school without telling her of the possibility.

I chose a smaller secondary school for DS because at the time, what he needed the most was good pastoral care but I had moved him from a small private to a big state primary a few years before and I think it worked quite well as well, because in the multitude of children, he found his niche.

I also went from a very small private primary to a huge state secondary school. I loved it! Because when I was in primary school if you were not one of the “cool” kids there was no way to escape hell, while in the huge secondary school I found other kids like me that embraced me as I was

You can't guarantee that best friends from primary will end up best friends through secondary too. Hormones, meeting new people etc often means that they drift apart - especially if they aren't local and walking to school together

I would definitely pick the smaller school if it's a good school. Usually have smaller classes and more time with and support from teachers.

@runbyscum secondary schools are finished here already it was literally just all new first years and a few exam students i imagine

Stick it out; reassure her ALL secondary schools seem huge to children on their first visit. Takes a while to find their feet and find their way round but she will get plenty of adult support and knows other kids going there.

You will know soon enough if this is perfect for her, or terrible. It really would be one or the other and if you move her to the smaller school she could want the bigger one anyway. Start her there, take what she says on board but let her stick it out until Christmas. Then if she really can't get on with it look into moving her. If you do transfer her, make sure she starts after a half term or holiday- it'll make it easier for her to settle.

Given the benefit of hindsight, I’d have sent mine to a smaller school. Rather than think they’d adapt their personality to the larger school, I’d have selected the school that best fitted their personality (most parents will already know the amount of research, visiting, soul searching and discussion that goes on before any of those decisions are made - so it somehow feels even more crap when it doesn’t work out).

The bigger school selected had great results, was oversubscribed and offered more opportunities whilst the smaller had a really bad rep at the time. They stayed at the bigger school; it turned out well in terms of results and they made good friends and benefited from many of the opportunities but, in terms of overall day-to-day happiness, I still wish I’d moved them to the smaller school early on. For some kids a big school will always be a bit of a trial even if they develop good coping strategies.

Whatever you decide, remember you made a difficult decision that was the best at the time, given the information available. Talk to your dc and decide on a timeframe to make a final decision about contacting other achools. Being able to talk it through, be heard and know that you are on her side will be the most important thing for her.