To worry I have made the wrong decision for dd?

[coffeebeanzmeanz]

So today dd13 went for her first visit to secondary with her class (well the ones who chose the same school)

She hated it! She thought it was too big. Too many ppl, etc etc One of her BFF's is going to another school in the opposite direction which is smaller but We thought the bigger school would be better for dd as she can be quite shy and We thought it would be good to broaden her mind and social life a bit.

Now I feel like I have made the wrong decision? Should I see if I can swap or stick to the decision we made?

[khakiandcoral]

I'd go for the bigger school any day.

It's slightly harder and sounds overwhelming to start. It might take a bit longer, but teens NEED to start being independent and enjoy themselves. More opportunities, more friends.

It makes starting uni a breeze too.

[knittingaddict]

I don't understand why you would send your shy child to the bigger school. Sometimes you need to accept your child's personality rather than push them to be something they aren't. Change if you can.

[silverbubbles]

Your daughter is shy. The obvious choice would have been a smaller school but for some reason you didn't do this. Stick to your guns. There must have been another reason.
She will be fine.

[coffeebeanzmeanz]

@silverbubbles @knittingaddict I think I panicked and thought as she knew more ppl she would settle Better. I thought it might do her good. But I think I was wrong especially after covid now.

[LittleOwl153]

Look at the subject options. Here 600 kids in secondary would lead to limited gcse options and even more limited a level options 1200 would give the kids so many more subject options at 14+
I don't know how the Irish system compares but definately worth a look.

[Whosaidcake]

Smaller is best.

From a social point of view.. better to have a small group of really close friends then lots of acquaintances.

[NotATreacleTart]

her first visit to secondary

I am sorry but this feels like a hysterical over reaction to suddenly on the basis of one day throw out all of the reasons you chose this school. What if you move her to the smaller school and she hates that? What then?

It was one day, not a half term or a full term. Of course it is going to feel bigger than the primary school unless of course her primary was large. She has gotten comfortable in the primary and this is a change. I have been on MN for 15 years I wish I had money for every time a child starts secondary school and I mean actually starts it and said they hated it.

Yes some children do change school but the majority stay. The friends you have from primary are not necessarily the ones you keep. Both my sons went to a secondary where they didn't know any other child. Both are shy, quirky children, both made friends and kept them. They are 18 and 15.

[LobotomisedIceSkatingFan]

Sorry, but I think it's a curious decision to have placed your daughter at the bigger school precisely because she's shy: had my son not passed the eleven plus, the one thing I did know was that I wasn't going to send him to the bloody enormous school one town over, popular with quite a few Yr 7 children. He would have been totally swallowed up and I fear may never have found his tribe.

[motogogo]

By 13 most kids are in large schools, my DD's school was 2500, they cope just fine but takes some adjustment. Remember most kids change school at 11

[Crazycakelady17]

What primary school is she at till 13?
I would go with your daughters choice
My DD is going to a 1200 place school in September but 95 % of the class is going there as it’s the local village high school and both my boys went there and had very different but fantastic experiences

[toiletbrushholder]

Swap! I think your reasoning for putting a shy child in a big school is all though well meaning completely off, of course she won't like it, nothing wrong with being an introvert she doesn't need changing.

[MrsAvocet]

@knittingaddict

I don't understand why you would send your shy child to the bigger school. Sometimes you need to accept your child's personality rather than push them to be something they aren't. Change if you can.

A small school won't necessarily be better for a shy child. As several people have mentioned it can be a lot easier to "find your tribe" in a bigger school. My middle child is painfully shy but he has found secondary much easier to deal with than his small primary, as he has found friends with similar interests, even though he's into quite obscure things. Being in a small group is terrible if they're not a group that you fit in well with. I think that small schools have a lot of good features, especially for younger children, but they can be very problematic for teenagers who don't fit in as there's less choice of potential friends. Neing shy in a small group isn't necessarily easier than being shy in a big one and it can be worse.

[coffeebeanzmeanz]

@LittleOwl153 yeah the only difference is the smaller school offers French and German as the language options and the bigger school offers French and Spanish. All other subjects are the same.

[coffeebeanzmeanz]

@Crazycakelady17 we are In Ireland where they can start school as late as 6.
Dd started at 5.5 and they spend 8 years in primary here. She turned 13 in March.

[wherewildflowersgrow]

I think there can be issues with smaller schools these days because they don't have sufficient budget, as a result of the funding system. Schools which are understaffed, possibly less well organised and which offer less post 14 choice bring their own problems..

[Crazycakelady17]

[quote coffeebeanzmeanz]@Crazycakelady17 we are In Ireland where they can start school as late as 6.
Dd started at 5.5 and they spend 8 years in primary here. She turned 13 in March. [/quote]
Oh okay that seems a much better system than 11 they start way to young in England
Hope you sort it out for your DD

[geologyrocks]

Op, i was in the same predicament with my son this time 4 years ago. We are in ireland too. He wanted to go to a different school and we had geared him up for the one he was going to. It was nearly a natural progression that the original school was the feeder school. We had paid the school fees and the voluntary contribution already. About 600 or so non refundable.

He said every day he didnt want to go to x school he wanted y. He had said it enough i knew it wasnt a passing thought. Basically i rang the school secretary, got the forms.. Put his name down and rang every day or every second day for an update of where he was on the list.

We got a place at the end of that july and he went in the Sept. Such a late offer meant that we missed open day and he didnt get his firat choice in subjects but hey ho.

I suggest ringinf in the morning, fettinf the forms and follow from there. If you are offered the plaxe and chnage your mind so be it but def ring in the morning.

[Thesheerrelief]

Also in Ireland and went to schools both in the UK and Ireland myself. I'd go with the smaller school if she would feel more comfortable and confident there.

[viques]

@LittleOwl153

Look at the subject options. Here 600 kids in secondary would lead to limited gcse options and even more limited a level options 1200 would give the kids so many more subject options at 14+
I don't know how the Irish system compares but definately worth a look.

I agree, and in terms of staffing they will have more staff in each subject area, so more input into grading, moderation of results etc, not to mention wider experience . Very important I think in subjects like music, PE , art, and especially sciences.

[ChubbyLittleManInACampervan]

I’d go with the bigger school

Well, that is what I did with DS who was shy. The smaller school would maybe have been better at the start, but when he got a bit older and found his group of friends, it was clear he would have “outgrown” the smaller school after the first 2 years

Kids change a lot

[Tilly9]

Can she visit the smallest school and if she likes it can you put her on the waiting list for it?

[MissLucyEyelesbarrow]

We thought the bigger school would be better for dd as she can be quite shy and We thought it would be good to broaden her mind and social life a bit

Sorry, OP, but that's the worse reasoning ever. Introverts can't be cured of being introverts, and they are more likely to form friendships in an environment in which they feel comfortable.

I'm not saying your DD won't adapt to the school - she might. But you need to give your head a wobble about your attitude to her shyness.

[CharityDingle]

Have a niece starting in September, similar to that, choice between small school, and much larger one. She chose the smaller one. I suppose one way of looking at it is, they are not stuck forever with whatever choice they make. Switching is possible, at a later stage, if needs be. One of her older siblings chose the larger school and that has worked for them.
I would listen to her, and see if the smaller school can accept her.
Don't beat yourself up, you were doing what you thought was best.

[reluctantbrit]

DD went from a 2 form intake. in primary to a 8 form intake in secondary. That's the norm, so unless we would have gone private. it would always be the same size.

She hardly interacts with girls from her old school, they normally are mixed with 2-3 forms, so they have lessons with a range of 60-90 girls, a. bit larger than primary but nothing too big.

We. recently talked to friends who had the choise of a small secondary and a large one. They preferred the large as. it had better. equipped classes for science, PE, music. and languages. More GCSE choices, more after. school clubs, more A-Level courses.

it. can be a shock. to the system but after 3 years. of. secondary, DD is not interested in any cosy/cuddly school, she looks at opportunities, clubs, making friends, devoloping into her own skin. A bigger school can help there. And this comes from a quite shy girl.

[SpiderinaWingMirror]

Secondary schools vary in size but regardless of size, most kids will be in forms of 25-30 with a similar number in each lesson. There will be different kids in each class due to sets. They have to get used to finding their way around and how to find their mates at lunch.
So her experience will be broadly similar. Larger schools may run more clubs and groups and she will have a larger pool of people to pick from