To worry I have made the wrong decision for dd?

[coffeebeanzmeanz]

So today dd13 went for her first visit to secondary with her class (well the ones who chose the same school)

She hated it! She thought it was too big. Too many ppl, etc etc One of her BFF's is going to another school in the opposite direction which is smaller but We thought the bigger school would be better for dd as she can be quite shy and We thought it would be good to broaden her mind and social life a bit.

Now I feel like I have made the wrong decision? Should I see if I can swap or stick to the decision we made?

[MimiDaisy11]

Best of luck with the change. I hope she likes the new school if she gets a place. I think either school will be an adjustment.

[blueshoes]

Not sure I agree that smaller is better for shy or introverted people, not that those 2 things mean the same thing anyway.

I am as introverted as they come and big is good because you are not 'on show' and can disappear into the crowd. You are also more likely to find your tribe in a bigger cohort. If you are in a small group, it can feel like a goldfish bowl with no where to turn if you don't take to anyone in that group.

[Happymum12345]

Send her to the smaller school if you can.

[BoardingSchoolMater]

A bit more counterbalance. One of mine went from a tiny prep school (9 in his year when he left) to a huge boarding school with 1200 pupils. I had some reservations as we had always chosen small schools for him as that's what he needed - but it was absolutely fantastic for him. He made a handful of really good friends; in a way, having a huge pool of potential friends made it easier for him to find like-minded boys. The school was so well organised that it never felt huge - rather than thinking about the sheer number of pupils, I'd look at which structures are in place for the pupils. Do they have tutor groups? How many per subject group? How many in a form, and what's the form teacher like? (boarding house and house master/mistress, in my children's case - but could equally be a form teacher). What is the procedure if there are problems? How does the school catch children who might slip through the net, either academically or socially? What extra-curricular things can the children get involved with?

I wouldn't, and didn't, worry for a single second about where a child's friends are going. Real friends will stick. They will mostly make other friends once they change schools, even if they swear they are lifelong BFFs. I'm almost at the end of having children at school now, and I have seen this a million times over. There is some drama every year because X's friends follow her to the same school, and are then upset because X drops them because she wants to make new friends and reinvent herself a bit, rather than being stuck with her prep school ones.

[CoisFarraige]

I went with the smaller school (and in my son's case it was even smaller than the 600 one but also in Ireland) and worried that it would be too small. The subject choice was not as broad, but the subjects he was planning to do were all available so didn't make any difference really.
Now with one year to go before finishing, I really think it was the best thing for him and am very happy we went with the smaller one, as is he. It suited his personality.
What I came on to say was I worried so much about whether this was the right decision, but we decided we would give it a year and if he wasn't happy, he could move to a bigger school. Then if he stayed, we would reassess again after Junior Cycle. So whatever you decide, think of it in stages - the decision you make is not for ever. Think of it as a 1 year or 3 year thing. Lots of kids move around schools, and in my son's class they've lost and gained some over the years but all newcomers have got on well. Best of luck!

[Wife2b]

Broadening social life is overrated, some people prefer a smaller crowd where they feel comfortable and that’s ok. Your daughter will develop social skills as she goes through life but it has to be at her pace. I’d change if you can, your daughter may be more likely to come out of her shell with a smaller but larger than normal crowd as opposed to a large crowd that may terrify her.

[OuiOuiKitty]

I'm in ireland too and ds started secondary last year. He is quiet and find loudness overwhelming. We too had the choice between 2 large secondary schools and a much smaller one. In the end we went for the smaller one with our sons input. He was the only child from his primary to go there everyone else picked the more local, English speaking schools so I was very worried about how he would settle but I was so pleased with how easily made the transition and am so glad we picked the smaller school.

Were you able to go to parents evenings this year? For us once we went to the parents evenings there was no question that smaller school was the one for ds, the community vibe was so evident vs the larger schools.

[WyfOfBathe]

I teach in a school with nearly 2000 students. I previously taught in a much smaller school. There are pros and cons to both, but bigger schools do (generally) offer more options.

Even if both schools offer the same options, if a small school only has 1 class of each, then if there's a clash, your DD would have to drop one. In a larger school, she's more likely to be able to move classes for one and take all the subjects she wants.

Larger schools generally have more resources for subjects such as PE and music, and offer a wider range of trips and extracurriculars. They're also more likely to be able to afford things like dedicated pastoral staff.

Do you know if the larger school splits up students? Where I teach, years 7 and 8 are taught within their houses for everything, so they're only mixing with 1/3 of their cohort.

If you're sure the school is wrong for your DD, look into moving. But I wouldn't rule out the larger school just based on 1 wobbly day in a new environment.

[Maggiesfarm]

I don't understand what you are saying.

There are cliques in every school, that's part of life. A school with 5-600 pupils is still quite big. I know mine felt big when I went there, I got used to it. Friends are made in and out of school.

The most important thing is for a child to be happy at school.

[pinkmagnolias]

My children are still a few years off secondary but the options for primary were a school with 350 v a school with 900+. My heart sank at the thought of my eldest going to a large school which had a good reputation but I thought its facilities would be better and it was nearer home. At the last moment, I changed my mind and switched to the smaller school. I have never regretted my decision. The smaller school has the sense of community and care that I hoped for and DC knows children across the school.

I'd choose a smaller school any day over a large one especially as you have said it has good facilities too. The only reason I would choose a large one over a small one is if the small one is single sex as my preference would be co-ed.
A smaller co-ed school would be my ideal.

[FlyNow]

I'd stick it out for now. If you decide to change though, don't do it on the basis of being with the friend. Within weeks if not days they will have found new groups of friends. And that's good, you wouldn't want to be spending all your time throughout high school with just one person.

[Nat6999]

Ds went to a large secondary school & really struggled after coming from a 1 class per year primary. He was horrifically bullied, started refusing to go to school & is still suffering the effects at 17, he is still under psychology & waiting for a psychiatric assessment. That said he is now in the sixth form which is in a separate building & much smaller class sizes & is thriving despite his mental heath problems.

[stickygotstuck]

It feels like a massive decision, doesn't it OP?

I totally agree with this from a PP - I also went from a very small private primary to a huge state secondary school. I loved it! Because when I was in primary school if you were not one of the “cool” kids there was no way to escape hell, while in the huge secondary school I found other kids like me that embraced me as I was

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, like may PPs show, but small is not always better for shy/quiet kids. We sent DC to a tiny primary (80 total) because she was quiet and that turned out to be a mistake, so we have now gone for a larger secondary (ar 1200).

Don't underestimate the value of relative anonimity in a larger place if you are quiet. I thrived at my massive secondary. My DC is thriving at her large one. Of course you know your daughter best (no pressure! ), but if you thought 'it would do her good' you said, it probably will.

I'd give it a good go (the whole of year 1), then reassess.

Good luck with your decision!

[KarmaStar]

Try to change.
Yabu.
Not sure I understand your reasoning behind putting a shy child into a much bigger school it will overwhelm her.

[bitheby]

I literally went from a school where there weren't enough children per year for separate forms so two years were joined together in each form to a secondary school of about 1500. And I was autistic and very shy.... and it was totally fine.

As I said earlier in the thread, moving to a smaller school a few years later was much worse as I couldn't find people like me and never fitted in.