To give baby middle name of deceased sibling?

[NameChangeA2Z]

Shamelessly posting here for traffic.

Just that really, what are your thoughts on giving my baby the middle name of my deceased sibling?

I feel like it's ok, but I'd like to hear other opinions to ensure I'm not just being a bit blinkered and in case I've not considered an implication somewhere.

Thanks

My DDs middle name is the same as my cousin who passed away when I was a kid. My Aunt and Uncle were delighted. I have very fond memories of my cousin. I think your proposal would be fine.

I think it's completely fine. I gave my son my deceased dad's first name as his middle name. And if he had been a girl, she would have have had my DP's nan's name as a middle name in her memory

Middle name of dd is that of dh's late sibling (died as a young adult) It was more or less taken for granted she would be. Not my favourite name but feel it was the least we could do.

DS has the names of two deceased relatives who died relatively young in adulthood, and DH's name.

DS is clearly his own person and he's not compared with the relatives, but it is nice to have that sense of connection, especially with the relative who had no descendents. I had toyed with that name and it was his mum who asked me if I'd consider it before I asked her.

Every first girl in my extended family has the same middle name since a tragic death, to me it is perfectly fitting. I'm sorry for your loss xxx

I think it's a nice idea if those closest to your brother (not sure how to put it, will explain so please don't judge my rudeness) have dealt with their grief.

My dad died 35 years ago. My mum's grief is still raw. I can't imagine the weight any child in the close family named after him would be burdened with. There would be continual references to him and the poor child would often be told he had to live up to his memory.

My mum is a rare example but it just might be something to consider.

Some PP are saying they don't think it's right to name a child after someone else, which I largely agree with. But I don't think middle names are really the same - they're part of someone's name but never defining.

My DD's middle name is my deceased DSis' name and several cousins have used it as a middle name for their DDs too. It is a really nice link IME.

A very belated Thank you to you all for taking the time to reply, you've made me feel a lot more reassured about things and it's been so useful to have all your various different insights and some of you have also brought up some things I wouldn't have necessarily considered which is great.

My husband had a twin brother who died when they were babies. His name is our son's middle name. I thought it was a lovely way to pay tribute to him and I know my MIL was very touched.

sbhydrogen -I think your mum must be an amazing understanding woman to name her baby after the husbands first wife. I don’t think I could do that.

I have mixed feelings about this. My brother killed himself age 20. We were very close and I was devastated. Many years later I had DS1 and gave him my brother’s name as his middle name. It felt like a nice tribute, keeping his memory alive etc. But now it feels a bit morbid. DS (now 15) asks about him, why he killed himself, what he was like and so on, and tries to find similarities between them. It all makes me feel rather uncomfortable. I sometimes wish I’d just kept my brother in my memories, rather than trying to shift his legacy on to the next generation. It’s hard to explain.

DS2’s middle name is Thomas, after the tank engine, chosen by DS1 - I feel much happier about that!

I think honouring a deceased relative in this way is a lovely thing to do, only saddened by the OPs sibling having died so young.

As long as you acknowledge it as a family name (my names are family names going back a couple of hundred years, and I share names with my cousins) and not a maudlin constant reference to your deceased sibling. Otherwise it's a burden on your child, who can't ever know their uncle/aunt.

Done lightly and not with performative grief, it's a lovely idea.

And sympathy on losing a sibling. That is someone never to be replaced, and happy sibling relationships are some of the most satisfying ones a person can have. It must be tough.

An old saying: "Love's last gift - remembrance".
Your own child will be loved, and his middle name will keep the name of another family member alive. Both my nieces have the names of their paternal and maternal grandmothers' names respectively as second names; they have their own identities, but both lovely grannies are kindly remembered.

An old saying: "Love's last gift - remembrance". I love this. ❤

My daughter passed away when her sister was pregnant with her first - she gave her daughter her sister’s name as a middle name.

It is a lovely gesture and allows that link between the two.

Absolutely fine IMO ! My DS has my Fathers name (died when I was a child) and DD her Aunties name . Perfect for a middle name .Maybe a bit upsetting for a first name though.

sorry to hear about your loss.

and no YANBU.
in fact on many family trees it's clearly recorded that siblings would have the first name of a previously deceased brother or sister, even multiple times.

DH's family tree goes back a few hundred years. there's one ancestor who had a dozen children, most didn't survive. there are 6 girls in a row, all called Elizabeth - the first 5 were all infant deaths. People were just desperate to carry on a beloved family name.

so history, unfortunately, is on your side.

best of luck with new baby xxx

My youngest sibling has our dead siblings name as a middle name.

Absolutely fine! And very normal in my family's culture - all my children's middle names are after family members that have passed. It's a lovely tribute x

I really wouldn't see it as an issue, as long as all family members are okay with it(eg. asking parents before using late sibling's name) To be honest I really don't see it as any different to naming a child after a living relative. I mean if you name them after your own parent, what are you going to do if that parent sadly passes away, change your child's name to avoid ill feeling?

It's a nice tribute.

My son has two middle names; one of my deceased sibling and the other is the name of his deceased great grandfather. The wider family were all very happy with the names being used.

My DDs middle names are of dead relatives, my nephews and nieces all have middle names of dead relatives. My middle name is after my dead grandmother. It’s common in my family.

@ItsAboutTimeForANameChange

I've read about people's experiences of being so called 'rainbow babies' and the sense their existence feels like it's in relation to their decreased siblings. The very term rainbow baby first makes reference to the lost sibling than to the baby themselves.

I think yabu for similar reasons to above. They aren't an extension of their sibling, they are your child in their own right. I think naming children after other deceased relatives (grandparents, uncles etc) is very different.

Ultimately it's your decision, I wouldn't do it.

Except it’s not a rainbow baby...very obvious in OPs initial post

Is check with your parents too, but I think it’s a lovely idea.