My mother never offers to babysit

[30yearoldvirgin]

AIBU? My husband and I have two children. 1 teen, 1 seven year old. Our daily lives are pretty stressful as our 7 year old has ASD. We are desperate for a break. Dreaming of a night away at a spa.... the problem is my mother never offers to babysit and when I ask her I’m left feeling as though I’m burdening her. Anyone have similar circumstances? Any advice? Thanks

Unfortunately parents don’t automatically become child carers/ babysitters when they become grandparents. They’re entitled to live their own life.

As nice as it would be for your mum to look after your child

It’s your child. Not hers

So the usual mn response would be Yabu

If you need a break that much then pay someone

Pay for a babysitter.

Meh I'm sure they can successfully live their own lives and babysit once a year or whatever.

But you can't force anyone to baby/teen sit.

Do you have any friends that you could swop childcare with?

Your children , not theirs.

Why should she offer? It might be nice for her to do so, but she may not feel up to the task. How old is your teen? Do you have other relatives, in-laws, or friends who might help out?

I think that it’s a shame your mum can’t / won’t help - MN is generally split between GPS have done their whack and don’t be so presumptuous as to expect anything and those who think that GPs who can and are in good health should step in when needed

I would see about getting some overnight care from a mate that you can then reciprocate. I think a night here and there isn’t the same as a GP providing childcare day after day and would be really nice especially as you say you had a child with additional needs
Perhaps your mum isn’t confident in looking after your child?

Pay a Babysitter

It would be nice if she did but not all do, my kids paternal grandmother never babysat despite knowing we were sometimes at our wits end as dd is autistic. She's a carer (professional) so quite capable but obviously didn't want a busmans holiday! My parents did but lived 3 hours away so once a year they would schedule it

I never had any help when my children were young , so I can sympathize.
Once it dawned on me that family wouldn't help , we had to just suck it up or find ways around it.
It's hard , but you can't expect them to do this for you. It's harder if everyone else has oodles of help / babysitting etc , but it is what it is.

She isn’t obliged to. We have 3 DC, one with SEN, so I get it but your mum doesn’t have to babysit your children.
You can pay a babysitter if you want to go out.

I knew you get the usual, "its their life, they dont have to" but yanbu, it must be stressful for you, i was very lucky because my mam always wanted to mind the kids, so I dont really know what to say to you, have you brothers or sisters that you could ask, or a friend, and then offer to mind their kids another time, hope it works out anyway x btw not everyone wants to get a babysitter to mind their kids?

Try sitters co.uk.

I don’t blame her.

I don't know what advice you think we can give, but the bottom line is that your mother doesn't want to baby sit. That's the end of it so you'll have to find someone else.

If she doesn’t want to, that’s her choice!

Sitters will have babysitters that will look after children with SEND.

I totally get it would be nice for her to offer, but she's under no obligation to give up her time.

I think you need to pay someone. I had a great babysitter as a kid who would stay overnight with me if my parents' were working or away.

Sounds like she doesn't want to. Have you offered to pay her like you would a babysitter from elsewhere?

So it's the fact that she doesn't actually offer to babysit? When you ask her it sounds like she does it so just put the idea forward of a night away

Neither does my mother. It’s tough unfortunately. I decided to have a child so I have to look after him. I’m not entitled to have anyone else take him off my hands for free. And I won’t let a hired stranger babysit because they’re an unknown quantity, alone and unsupervised with my child in my home.

Sorry OP. It’s obviously her choice and she isn’t obliged to help, but it’s a shame she doesn’t want to occasionally give you a break. Most people’s parents would be willing to pitch in now and then to give you a bit of respite.

I have one that never offers also. It smarts as I was the in-built baby sitter for my disabled brother until I left home at 19. I was never asked, just expected/told to do it, even one NYE when I was 18 and had booked a ticket for a big event with my mates....
Doesn't return the favour.
It smarts as I've got many friends whose parents fall over themselves to help out.
Sigh.
Would mean I'd have to see them more often though so every cloud 😬

Just remember this when she needs some one to care for her! Mine is the same and I have made it clear I won’t be taking care of her when the time comes...

How is the OP NBU?
If she finds 2 children and one with SEN stressful then how is an older woman going to find it? ASD can mean complex care, maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable or confident enough for it?
She doesn’t need to justify it anyway. She didn’t get a say in whether she had GC I presume and she isn’t obliged to provide childcare.

@blublub that’s harsh, your mum cared for you so it’s right that you care for her if she needs it.
My mum wouldn’t babysit my son, at the time it hurt but speaking her as he got older I understood that he was just too much for her to handle, she was scared of getting things wrong, scared he might hurt himself in her care, couldn’t cope with his autism. That’s fair enough, it was my choice to have a baby, not hers.