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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To embrace being pale!

167 replies

Boo2012 · 15/06/2021 14:13

Hi all, I'm very fair and freckle. Ginger/Strawberry blonde. I have been tanned in the past. Mainly when I was younger from the sun. But I'm more careful now I'm older. I've tried fake tan but I'm not great at it plus I have eczema so it doesn't all agree with me.

Anyway, like I said I'm trying to be much more careful in the sun. When I was younger I was guilty of getting burnt. I've never been a sun worshipper who sits in it all day though. But I've been sunburnt a fair few times.

My own mother is exactly that - a sun worshipper. She just sits in it for hours and puts oil on to burn. No good for anyone but that's her choice.

I seen my mum recently. I had some shorts on. She told me that my legs were too white for it and I should tan them up before wearing shorts again. Aibu to think that's really bleddy rude? It takes a lot of confidence for me to wear a pair of shorts as it is as not so skinny since having dc.

I agree a tan looks incredible but aibu to think people should embrace pale too? Particularly those fair headed people like me who are more at risk of the sun rays. My mum is naturally much darker skinned than me anyway. I don't know where I get the ginger gene from tbh.

So yes aibu to embrace the pale? And just think bugger it I'm going to go out with shorts and pale legs. It's so hot here! 😒

I don't have enough time to sit in the sun (with suncream) to even get a slight tan. I'm just not a fan of sitting around in it.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 15/06/2021 14:39

I fake tan because I don't tan at all despite being dark (got my red haired mother's skin it seems). I like being brown. My DD however embraces pale. She takes great care of her skin and it looks lovely. I'd never tell her to tan. I think she looks lovely as she is. Embrace the pale and sod everybody else. I don't sunbathe either, not worth the risk.

Oblomov21 · 15/06/2021 14:40

Me. Don't sunbathe. Occasionally go a tiny bit pink, then white again. So what's the point? Certainly doesn't bother me. Don't even use fake tan either!

InnaBun · 15/06/2021 14:42

It's rude to tell someone they can't wear something becuase of their skin colour.

Just do what you want, leave your skin as it is or dye it. The choice is up to you.

Todaytomorrowyesterday · 15/06/2021 14:44

I’m pale…I’ve never successfully tanned !

If I’ve accidentally got burnt (I try to avoid it) I go various shades of red then white again.! So now try to avoid. Like you my Mum is a sun worshipper but she tans!! (Not sure it’s healthy for her)

Occasionally my arms look brown..but that’s the freckles!!

I’ve embraced it nothing I can do about it !

TillyTottenham · 15/06/2021 14:46

The whole world is crying out against discrimination based on skin colour. At the same time there is an acceptance and even an expectation for pale people to dye their skin.
It baffles me.

Georgina125 · 15/06/2021 14:46

When I was younger, my nickname was "Wednesday Addams" due to my dark hair and pale skin. Attempting to sun bathe on holiday only results in sunstroke for me. I just don't tan. My attempts at fake tan (even the gradual stuff) always streaks. It's only in the last few years that I realised my skin suits me.

Original poster
Boo2012 · 15/06/2021 14:46

@Classica

And big yikes to your mum putting oil on her skin to ensure she burns. I thought that had gone out in the 80s. She's putting her health in such danger, plus she must have skin like a saddlebag by this point.
I do agree! It's so unhealthy to 'oil up' as she calls it. She's early 50's and her skin isn't looking terrible now but I feel it may do when she ages. My stepdad is probably worse with the sun and he is very leather like!

I am guilty of getting burnt occasionally in the past and I have tanned (not so much my legs mind) but I just don't like to do it these days!

I guess the only way you can tan healthily is by fake tan! I have tried and failed miserably in the past. Even if my skin didn't react to the tanning lotion it would look patchy with dry skin!

OP posts:
therocinante · 15/06/2021 14:50

YANBU - I look like Wednesday Addams and I love it.

Also, not that I do anything in my life deliberately to please men, but it's been something mentioned by a lot of men (and women) I've dated in the past as something they liked and something almost weirdly 'exotic'. So I think it's quite striking in that sense.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 15/06/2021 14:56

YANBU! I have an extremely pale complexion although I'm dark haired. In summertime I can't spend more than 20 minutes in direct sunlight without sun cream on or I burn.

I used to fake tan all the time but I just cannot be bothered now. I'll embrace the pale skin.

Greenrubber · 15/06/2021 14:59

How I wish I was happy in my pale skin!
I'm so pale I'm pretty much transparent and freckles everywhere
I wear fake tan all the time I just can't handle being pale if I wasn't pregnant I would be injecting myself with MT2!!

Wrotten · 15/06/2021 15:03

I'm super pale. I love it. I despise the orangey fake tan look. I'd much rather look natural.

GoingQuietlyInsane · 15/06/2021 15:03

I’m pale and can’t tan. I like my pale skin on my face, my arms, my chest.

But ... I don’t like my pale legs. I’ll be honest, I don’t really like seeing them on other people either. Fake tan is horrible stuff but I use a wash-off tan in summer, not to make them much darker exactly, but just to give them a slightly warmer tone. Some people (eg Kate Winslet) have lovely opaque white skin. I do not. My legs are a pale shade of purple and I just don’t think they look nice.

drivinmecrazy · 15/06/2021 15:05

One of my daughters only has to step outside and she burns. She considers her freckles to be her tanning. They start exploding as soon as the sun arrives and go into hibernation in winter.
I've always battled against the tan brigade with her and have constantly reassured her it's wonderful to be so pale.
She also has curly hair which she used to religiously straighten every day without fail.
Now I have a beautiful curly haired freckliy 15 year old whose entirely comfortable in her own skin.
It has been a tough journey because of all the contrary images they are presented with.

Made slightly more insane because she spends six weeks every summer with her Gma in Spain and will come back exactly the same colour as she went, whereas her friends have been for two weeks in Greece and have an enviable bronze. It causes much amusement between her friends!

Classica · 15/06/2021 15:06

@Greenrubber

How I wish I was happy in my pale skin! I'm so pale I'm pretty much transparent and freckles everywhere I wear fake tan all the time I just can't handle being pale if I wasn't pregnant I would be injecting myself with MT2!!
omg what is MT2? Is that the stuff body builders use? Someone was telling me about a black market fake tan that you spray up your nose! Eeek, sounds so dodgy, all in pursuit of a tan.
MedusasBadHairDay · 15/06/2021 15:07

Just as an aside, I don't think we need to get into slagging off fake tan. It's perfectly OK for us to be happy in our pale bodies without denigrating others who aren't.

Violinist64 · 15/06/2021 15:08

I am very fair skinned as is my mother so we don’t sit out in it. My mother was once told by a doctor how much younger her skin was than that of her contemporaries who were sun worshippers. If your mother mentions it again l would say to her that she can do as she wants but you will be the one looking younger than her by the time you reach her age.

PawsQueen · 15/06/2021 15:09

I'm pale. That's my skin colour < shrug >
We don't go around saying OMG you shouldn't wear shorts, you're so dark Confused
If people don't like it then they don't have to look

Iamblossom · 15/06/2021 15:09

I am freckly and auburn haired and pale so I now fake tan but just my legs.

I do tan if I spend dedicated hours in the sun.

But having had a mole cut out of my thigh a month ago I have a bit of a different view of hours and hours of sunbathing, and who has time if you aren't on holiday?

It's a bit of a PITA tbh, I use a tinted moisturiser about every 3rd day when the weather is nice and I want to wear shorts and dresses, and I do MUCH prefer having some colour on my legs, but it does come off a bit on my bed linen if I time it wrong, and I don't bother anywhere else on my body. I have found one that is easy to apply, doesn't streak and dries within an hour so I can then put trainer socks on if needed etc.

Classica · 15/06/2021 15:11

I do see some very patchy fake tan jobs about though, knees and ankles are always tricky. I don't say it to the person obv (am not a dick/don't want a slap) but I do think to myself 'your own skin would look better than that'. Slagging the fake tan not the person wearing it.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/06/2021 15:12

Excuse my ignorance but do really pale people suffer from some sort of shame for being pale? Really?

PawsQueen · 15/06/2021 15:17

@VladmirsPoutine I've had abuse shouted at me in the street when I've been wearing shorts/skirts, told I need to get out in the sun, I need to fake tan etc etc etc
I'm a redhead, it's just my skin colour!

lydia93 · 15/06/2021 15:17

It's funny really. The only people who ever told me to cover up was my white parents and friends etc.

My Middle Eastern husband absolutely loves my skin tone. In conversation before we dated his words to me was "you're so white" and ironically I was booking a spray tan that evening and I told him and he said "I don't see the point, I didn't say it in a bad way it's a compliment, I love it" and since then I haven't gave a second thought about it.

My daughter is tan like dh and my son is white as just like me. I would hate for any of them to be uncomfortable in their skin tone.

Wear what you want and embrace it!
I think fake tan looks horrible anyway

Rmka · 15/06/2021 15:19

@VladmirsPoutine

Excuse my ignorance but do really pale people suffer from some sort of shame for being pale? Really?
I try not to care but so many people tell me "you look pale, are you ok?" or "you should go out in the sun more", or "why don't you use fake tan?"

I'm pale, so what? People who tan easily look great and that's wonderful. But I don't tan and don't want to even try anymore. I don't have many wrinkles, I got rid of acne, my skin looks better than ever. Some people are just so used to seeing tan so they think only sick people can be pale.

GoingQuietlyInsane · 15/06/2021 15:19

@VladmirsPoutine

Excuse my ignorance but do really pale people suffer from some sort of shame for being pale? Really?
Yep. People always comment on how pale my legs are if I go out with them uncovered and without some sort of tanning agent. Always. Family, strangers.

As a result, I no longer do. They’re always either covered or artificially tanned if I’m outside my home.

NameChange456789 · 15/06/2021 15:20

Yes, I was teased about my pale skin all throughout school and it gave me a huge complex and made me very insecure.

I embrace my paleness now