New breed of pushy parent created by the pandemic?

[Homeontherangeuk]

I have noticed in our circle of friends that previously relaxed parents have totally up the ante & previous "morals" regarding private school & tutors have gone completely out the window... I'm gathering the pandemic has created insecurity in parents who were previously happy with their kids education. The parents in question have also signed the kids up for loads of extracurriculars whereas pre covid they liked the kids to relax & play after school... So aibu to think the pandemic has created a new breed of pushy parents?

What do you mean by morals, please?

It seems anybody who does more than the bare minimum re: education or enriching their kids lives is a pushy parent - pandemic or not.

That’s not pusy parenting. It’s the bare minimum parents should be able to do to help their kids get over the damaging effects of the pandemic.

Well previously they were very much against private education... They openly had the belief & often breezily stated that are they are both very highly (& well paid) professionals their children would thrive in any environment so they would be state educated all the way through (well known outstanding state)... Now the dc are moving to private in September...

I think lots of parents have felt a sense of lost time. For eg of your child was only just 5 at the pandemic start but they are now approaching 7, the fact that they've not learnt to swim feels much more urgent than it did at the start. People who could afford to be relaxed about their kids getting to experience stuff in their own time now feel that maybe their kids have missed out.

I don't feel worried as above but I do feel a need for my DC to have fun with their friends and take advantage of things being open in case of further lockdown etc. No one feels a need for their kids to have more time at home after the last year do they?!

@Ozanj

That’s not pusy parenting. It’s the bare minimum parents should be able to do to help their kids get over the damaging effects of the pandemic.

I completely agree, my dc have always done a host of after school activities & enjoyed lots of educational days out/activities.. Pre covid the same families were implying in a round about way that we were the pushy ones & they valued family /playtime more than extracurriculars which is perfectly fair too... I'm just wondering if this is a common trend as their tune has totally changed now...

People are doing their best to make up for the disruption the pandemic has caused.

Why does it matter? They've changed their opinion, people can do that.

@CroydianSlip

I think lots of parents have felt a sense of lost time. For eg of your child was only just 5 at the pandemic start but they are now approaching 7, the fact that they've not learnt to swim feels much more urgent than it did at the start. People who could afford to be relaxed about their kids getting to experience stuff in their own time now feel that maybe their kids have missed out.

I don't feel worried as above but I do feel a need for my DC to have fun with their friends and take advantage of things being open in case of further lockdown etc. No one feels a need for their kids to have more time at home after the last year do they?!

Yes. DS was born just before Lockdown and is now 18 months old. He goes to nursery so has had some experiences, but hasn’t been able to go to soft play or swimming pool or even to the beach. By that age my nephews had a full run of activities and had also been on 2-3 overseas holidays.

DS was 9 months when the pandemic started.. In September when baby classes restarted here he was terrified of everyone and would just cry. His speech and motor skills were also way behind (but he may have just been a late developer but I was starting to look into speech and language support). I have signed him up to 5 baby classes a week for the past year and he copes much better in a group and will be much better able to settle at nursery next September even without settling in sessions. I feel heartbroken that not every child will be able to have that kind of support but that won't stop me giving it to DS.

@Ozanj

That’s not pusy parenting. It’s the bare minimum parents should be able to do to help their kids get over the damaging effects of the pandemic.

Private school is the bare minimum?

People aren't afraid to show off their wealth. I've noticed too.

People can change their minds? More fool them if they were particularly vocal about previous morals, but so what? Just stay on the sidelines and nod knowingly.

Honestly I prefer pushy to the laissez faire.
But maybe that's guilt at allowing myself to becone laissez faire.

Private school is not the bare minimum. Saying that private school doesn’t mean
Their mums are pushy
I just pulled daughter out of state school and she will be going to a fee paying school from September.
Elder DS was already in private.
I am not a pushy parent, my daughter will always struggle academically however state schools is failing her miserably! So I made the decision on what’s best for her mental
Health because I have the means to do so.

In one way it’s another example of the gap widening between that haves and have nots.

It was seen pre pandemic, during when private school education appeared to be much better online than state (going by the threads on here) and sounds like it will continue, if not grow, after

However saying that, if there is an exodus of people moving from state to private then it will mean that the limited resources available will be concentrated on those who are not in a position to make that choice to move and so they may benefit from people leaving

I actually think the opposite has happened in regards to extra curricular activities.

My niece and nephew did lots of activities both after school and at the weekend before the pandemic, since lockdown they have enjoyed spending time at the park as a family more, they are still going on daily cycles and are now considering getting a dog so although they have restarted some of their activities, some they will not resume.

I'm not so sure about the private schools bit of it - because the bill for that is so large I think it's ruined out as an option for so many.

But as the government can't fund much schools catch-up (all the money seems to be going in to business related measures) I'm not surprised that parents are taking matters in to their own hands about tutoring. Teacher friends say that attainment gaps have really widened, and if you were working and so could not likely supervise school-at-home, you may well seek your own catch up if it's fairly clear your DC needs a bit of help.

Activities is just the result of pent up demand. The sorts of clubs that might have been spread over a few terms to try things out are now being booked whilst they're open and running fairly normally. I expect it'll settle after a term or so

I dithered and waited to the point mine refused point blank to leave the local schools and dad just stayed on the sidelines offering no overt opinion but being silently opposed.
Now he sees they haven't done much at all and blames them a bit..

I don't know about private school since it's not on my horizon but I have signed my kids up to activities. mainly because it's the only way for them to socialise at the moment and lots of things I could previously do with them spontaneously are out of the question, this seems to be the only way to give them a bit of a life other than just school

Pushy parents

Children have lived through a pandemic, had their friendships trashed, childhoods delayed, education reversed in many cases. CAHMS over capacity, SEN waitlists are bombed.

And you want to sneer at parents who are trying to dig their children out of the shit society has thrown them in? Get a grip.

Focus on your own child and ignore what others are doing for their children.

Some schools haven’t exactly covered themselves in glory during the pandemic.
And I can see why parents might think fuck this and pay for a better education, if they can afford it.
They might also be worried about state education going forward,
I mean with big classes and year groups, bubbles might be forever bursting.

Not sure overall, but I agree that the need to learn to swim does seem urgent for the infant school age group.

There’s a sense of lost important time to be sure and I think primary kids have had very little attention paid to their needs compared to babies toddlers and teens

These children are nearly two years older and people change their minds or, shock horror, a global pandemic changes peoples priorities. DS was 3 when it started and is 5 now. He didn’t do any classes when he was 3 and I didn’t see the need for them. He now does gymnastics once a week and is on the waiting list for several others. His confidence and social confidence have taken a battering despite all my efforts over the last 18 months.

Also, some schools coped better with online learning than others. DS’ reception teacher was excellent, 15 hands on activities a week, 3 live zoom class ‘lessons’ and 2 smaller group zoom ‘lessons’ as well as a host of optional extras in the form of websites etc. I only worked one day a week during this time and was a primary teacher before DS was born so he actually achieved more at home than he would have done in school. My friends DS’ school was rubbish, barely anything. She could decide that her DS missed essential learning and get him a tutor and fair play if that’s what she decides.

Your friends could have decided that their state school was rubbish at providing online learning and they want to future proof against as much as they can and the private school provides better resources.