New breed of pushy parent created by the pandemic?

[Homeontherangeuk]

I have noticed in our circle of friends that previously relaxed parents have totally up the ante & previous "morals" regarding private school & tutors have gone completely out the window... I'm gathering the pandemic has created insecurity in parents who were previously happy with their kids education. The parents in question have also signed the kids up for loads of extracurriculars whereas pre covid they liked the kids to relax & play after school... So aibu to think the pandemic has created a new breed of pushy parents?

I wouldn't say pushy parents I'd call it more panicked parenting and who can blame them!

As parents our children look to us to lead the way and for reassurance.
But what's been happening has been unprecedented so lots of have felt at a loss as what to do when it came to something as simple as doing the weekly food shop so it's no wonder when it comes to they're childrens education and keeping up(which is something our government has kept on at parents about)that alot of parents are panicking.

I would never judge parents in that situation,I feel for them all!

I teach dance classes and I have noticed a lot of parents have been pulling their children out to focus more on school and family time.

In my social circles there's much more emphasis on lost play and social skills than there is on lost school right now. I know a lot of kids (young primary ages) that are being taken out for holidays away, fines be damned, or having small trips to theme parks.

You’re allowed to change your approach when the world changes.

Banging on about state and actively being anti-private then just changing your mind if grandma offers the money = attention seeking grandstanding and pretended morals.

But the pandemic?

One of mine was in Y6. His primary provided NOTHING in the first lockdown. Nothing except emails from the head saying, “don’t worry.”

At the same time, friend at local private had a full timetable daily on zoom, and things like science experiment lists sent a week in advance.

To be fair - I know if other state schools that were excellent.

I’d never been a bore to other people about state vs private, but I did have a serious think about switching to private at that point.

Children have been completely fucked by the pandemic. No wonder parents want a bit of extracurricular to support them to get back on track with sports, games, and education.

Have you considered they may always have wanted to go private, but couldn't say anything to you because of your judgemental attitude?

YABU.

@Ozanj

That’s not pusy parenting. It’s the bare minimum parents should be able to do to help their kids get over the damaging effects of the pandemic.

This

@SpaceRaiders

Focus on your own child and ignore what others are doing for their children.

I have always focused on my own dc & never commented on the other families choices... Even though they were always quite vocal & condesending about our choices...

@EmbarrassingMama

Children have been completely fucked by the pandemic. No wonder parents want a bit of extracurricular to support them to get back on track with sports, games, and education.

Have you considered they may always have wanted to go private, but couldn't say anything to you because of your judgemental attitude?

YABU.

No if you read my opening post this family scorned private schools... They openly bragged their dc would do phenomenonly well as they have "highly educated, engaged professional parents" & put them in a very well known (on mumsnet) state school with a tiny catchment area. Very few can afford the house prices in the catchment & they moved to with their dc1 was born to be within catchment.. Then waxed lyrically about how they are so lucky their dc are doing great in state & private school bashing...

Stop engaging with people about your choices, why do they need to know? By the same token, stop talking about what other people are doing because you won't have all the information and, it's none of your business!

Your first post just comes across as gossipy with a side order of spite.

My eldest was in his GCSE year in 2020. All cancelled. He got into college and has had a really disrupted first year of A-levels - with zero extracurriculars, no part time job (until last week!) and nothing much to put on his University applications.

Coupled with the vast number of students who deferred their places from last year and more planning to this year (so few actual places available for next year) he will have to absolutely blow them away in order to get onto a decent course.

Since he's got nothing much to show for the last year, we're pretty desperate to help him stand out. I totally get that parents don't want their kids to lose out completely on their education. If this fecking pandemic cocks up my son's GCSEs, A-levels AND his chances of getting onto a decent degree course he'll basically have wasted years of schooling.

@Perhaps they felt insecure about their own choices hence the need to be vocal about your choice. People are very weird.

We moved dc to Prep in October, and the amount of bitchy comments I overheard from other parents from our previous school was just ridiculous. What they wouldn’t have known was that dc2 had been unhappy since YR and was falling further and further behind. The school had been unsupportive and covid was just the final straw. Glad we moved her, just wish we’d done it sooner.

I know of 6 local children that have moved out of our village school into various local preps. And three other families have joined our Prep in the time since we’ve been there.

Everyone is just trying to do their best to mitigate the effects of this shit show on their children.

Well the pandemic has changed the world hasn’t it?! Including education. So after their kids have lost the best part of a year, they obviously feel they do need extra help to catch up. This seems... logical? Also private schools did a much better job (as they should) of running online learning, so they may be worried about further lockdowns.

Same with extra activities - they will just feel their kids needs need extra activities having been locked down.

So you are being unreasonable. Are you possibly jealous that they can opt for private? - if so that is understandable, but better to own it and deal with it rather than disguise it as criticism of them.

The pandemic has made me realise that my choice to send DC to a private school was a good choice for him. In spite of all the disruptions, the school was very focused, and supportive of children and their families. Lessons and tutorials continued online every day from day one. The year tutor even called ME a couple of times to see how I was feeling. As a single parent, I really appreciated that.

Maybe your friends simply have had time to reconsider and they've changed their mind!

Can't comment on other people's morals- you do what's best for your own family and that's that, I guess.
I just can't understand for the life of me how anyone affords it! My husband and I are both professionals and paid pretty well- if we sent our kids to the local private school, we would not be able to pay our mortgage or eat. So we will have to make the best of it - we are making a determined effort to be pushy parents, though and are signing our kids up for whatever we can. They've missed so much and I am determined they make the most of every opportunity! Proud to be poor and pushy

@partyatthepalace

Well the pandemic has changed the world hasn’t it?! Including education. So after their kids have lost the best part of a year, they obviously feel they do need extra help to catch up. This seems... logical? Also private schools did a much better job (as they should) of running online learning, so they may be worried about further lockdowns.

Same with extra activities - they will just feel their kids needs need extra activities having been locked down.

So you are being unreasonable. Are you possibly jealous that they can opt for private? - if so that is understandable, but better to own it and deal with it rather than disguise it as criticism of them.

I didn't say whether my dc were state or private @partyatthepalace! You are there ones making assumptions here... I don't have anything to be jealous thankfully... But this family were very condesending regarding our choices & passive agressively implying that we were pushy... So I'm just wondering if the pandemic has created a new breed that's all!

We’ve just moved one of our dc to a private school. It’s something I never could have seen myself doing a couple of years ago. The main reason for doing it isn’t pandemic or education related (we have an older DC with additional needs), but I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t been shocked by how little our present government seem to care about the quality and continuity of our kids’ education. I always knew it, but I never saw it so obviously laid out. There weren’t the resources to provide decent online education. There aren’t the resources to help prevent outbreaks within the school. There aren’t the resources to help them catch up with what they’ve missed. The gradual abandonment of any pretence at doing the nice extra things (sports day, trips) and no talk of those things ever coming back was the last straw for us. We’ve had to make changes to our long term plans and make some sacrifices short term, but so far it has been a good choice. I don’t consider that pushy. We’re just doing what we can.

previous "morals" regarding private school & tutors

Morals regarding private school and tutors? The implication being that using either is immoral.

@Demelza82

It seems anybody who does more than the bare minimum re: education or enriching their kids lives is a pushy parent - pandemic or not.

Oh come on. I hate it when people get defensive and pretend to be stupid. Signing your kids up to do extra curriculars after school one after the other every day is pushy. Getting a tutor for no particular reason is pushy. It's not enriching a child's life for them to have no free time to play and relax.

That is not the same as giving your kids the option to pursue a hobby they enjoy, doing some reading at home or helping your child (possibly with a tutor) if they need to catch up in a particular area.

DS was born during the first lockdown. I have always been against private schools, but having witnesses the treatment of state schools and the children in them over the course of the last 15 months, I am seriously dreading putting my son in state school.

@UhtredRagnarson

previous "morals" regarding private school & tutors

Morals regarding private school and tutors? The implication being that using either is immoral.

Yes some people have a moral objection to private schools and tutors. Unless you live in a cave you must have realised this before.

@MooseBreath

DS was born during the first lockdown. I have always been against private schools, but having witnesses the treatment of state schools and the children in them over the course of the last 15 months, I am seriously dreading putting my son in state school.

The pandemic created so many changes to normality. People spent more time with their children, and probably know the intricacies of their education and hobbies (or lack of) better than ever before. I think it's not surprising that people's beliefs and priorities may have shifted.

I’ve never seen the need for a tutor or private school for my children until this year - still have no intention of private school but in some ways I wish it had been an option as my son in particular has fallen behind in an important year. I am lucky to be able to afford a tutor, and it’s made a difference in just 3 weeks so hopefully it won’t need to be a long term thing. He lost motivation too so I am not blaming his school for it all - they did their best. He has a career in mind and wants to study a subject he is genuinely passionate about and all I want to do is give him the best chance of succeeding in his goals.

I couldn’t bring myself to criticise other parents for what they choose to do now, however vocal they were about their opinions pre-pandemic. Who does this serve, trying to start fights about “pushiness”?

Yes some people have a moral objection to private schools and tutors. Unless you live in a cave you must have realised this before.

No. People have opinions on using private schools and tutors. They think it gives their opinion more weight by calling it morals.

Lots of people are against private schools, until the state education on offer is unsatisfactory. I'm not sure anyone leaves their kids to genuinely miss out by choice, because of some moral. Is it really moral not to help your own kids?