New breed of pushy parent created by the pandemic?

[Homeontherangeuk]

I have noticed in our circle of friends that previously relaxed parents have totally up the ante & previous "morals" regarding private school & tutors have gone completely out the window... I'm gathering the pandemic has created insecurity in parents who were previously happy with their kids education. The parents in question have also signed the kids up for loads of extracurriculars whereas pre covid they liked the kids to relax & play after school... So aibu to think the pandemic has created a new breed of pushy parents?

@MooseBreath

DS was born during the first lockdown. I have always been against private schools, but having witnesses the treatment of state schools and the children in them over the course of the last 15 months, I am seriously dreading putting my son in state school.

Don’t worry - both my children’s schools kept in regular communication and set plenty of work for those who wanted it and took into account everyone’s different circumstances - yes some kids weren’t as stretched as they could have been but many schools have done really well and have really cared about their students x

There aren’t the resources to help them catch up with what they’ve missed.

Absolutely agree with this.

All the talk of summer schools and more funding, I haven’t seen or heard of anything actually being put in place. Successive governments have failed our children by failing to adequately fund education. However this government must bear some responsibility in how negatively children have been impacted throughout covid.

I can absolutely understand the tutors. It's so much harder teaching and being taught over the internet — children have gone back to school mostly now, but if every child has one or two lessons worth of work they didn't quite understand, there's no way the teacher can get through all of them. A couple of sessions with a tutor to iron out problems in a one-to-one environment is a really good idea, and I think that the vast majority of children could actually do with that.

(Although I agree it's annoying when people have previously made a big point of saying "I'd never do that!" until it suits them.)

Some of this is because actually in a crisis, some state schools weren't able to cope. I know of some schools where provision in lockdown one particularly was excellent, some where it was abysmal and sod all was provided.by contrast, the local private schools provided full curriculum including video lessons throughout. We are in a grammar area and its very clear that a very worrying gap has emerged between state primaries and the local preps. Bright state school kids who were expected to sail through 11+ were disadvantaged relative to their prep school peers.

Lots of parents feel let down by state schools during and after covid - some schools still have reduced hours which impacts the children’s learning and parents childcare arrangements. (Many nursery and children’s centres were closed completely, regardless of the government’s advice to keep them open) Parents are also trying to make up for lost time. Whether you want to blame government funding or the local councils backing trade unions rather than providing children’s education … makes no odds - kids only have a limited amount of time in school and parents are not prepared to limit their child’s education if they can afford to go private.I’m sure there are many parents, myself included, who would not have considered a private education pre Covid. However I work full time and need a school system my family can rely on and that might mean going private.

YABU
Only in the UK would a parent who strived to do their best for their kid be called immoral 🤣

Let’s race...to the bottom

Maybe they hve had enough of their kids at home and want to get them out of the house as much as possible :)

Parents changing their minds about private tutoring does not surprise me. Also if holidays that would have cost a couple of thousand and have not happened provides funds. Maybe a level of panic about children being behind and doing less well in exams.

I think the pandemic has shown exactly HOW different education and opportunities are if you attend a private school, whereas before it was perhaps a bit hidden. I dont begrudge parents for wanting it for their kids.

Educational provision was very much the luck of the draw as so many discovered. I suspect as schools have been back for a few months and parents are talking among friends and colleagues, liaising with their dcs teachers, some are realising just how far behind their children are and they’re understandably concerned given another school year is coming to a close. Why shouldn’t they take whatever steps they can to support their dcs education?

Regarding extracurricular activities etc I know some have enjoyed the time away from these and don’t plan to return to so many but I also know people for whom the various lockdowns really highlighted how small their own friendship group/support system is. I think this experience has made some people more focused on encouraging their own children to build friendships and engage in other interests hence signing them up for various classes and clubs.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene absolutely!

Before the pandemic I had no illusions that the local private school (that I couldn’t afford, morals schmorals) would offer my child smaller classes, better facilities, wider opportunities… what I didn’t ever think about is that there’d be no “can’t do video calls - safeguarding” moments, or that my state school would just decide to do NOTHING.

@HelgaDownUnder. I agree. It doesn't matter how good state education is as a whole if your child is being failed by a shit school.

When you consider that one primary school has sent home children for two weeks due to teachers being off (another thread), it's easy to see how private school becomes easier to justify financially for some parents as opposed to further career damage. A lot of schools offer wraparound childcare until 6pm which saves on afterschool care and many run clubs and activities on site and provide buses and other helpful services for parents.

Aren't we all a bit worried about making up for lost time now? I don't know whether this makes me pushy or not but I'm hoping our local pool will restart preschool swimming lessons soon as my 3yo has only been swimming a handful of times as a baby.

Certainly I think many parents feel their children have had a patchy year in terms of education and opportunities - maybe their children have slid way behind and they’re suddenly panicking that they are not doing enough?

@aiwblam

YABU Only in the UK would a parent who strived to do their best for their kid be called immoral 🤣

Let’s race...to the bottom

I never said it was immoral, stop misquoting...! The parents in question said "we wouldn't dream of sending dc1 private, we have our morals"!

I’ve paid for a private maths tutor for my 10 year old DD since January. She was already behind in maths, she struggles with it a great deal so missing out on so much school has set her back even further. She needs the extra help and the school just can’t offer it right now. I don’t think this makes me pushy at all, I want her to succeed and thrive which is a basic part of parenting imo.

People are making up for lost time. Children have had their lives turned upside down over the pandemic. It's lovely to see people using activities, groups, outings, etc again.

We've been to playgroups, soft play etc as much as possible. My eldest has ASD so it's had a huge impact on his social skills. We're almost having to start from square one. Whereas before, he was okay with a quick trip to Tesco, we're now having to start with the local shop for one item. All his activities, therapies, etc stopped. Thankfully, they're starting to open back up, so I've definitely been making the most of it as much as he can handle. It's doing him so much good.

Toddler DD luckily seems unscathed by lack of groups and has taken to toddler groups like a duck to water.

We've got several day trips out planned in the coming weeks. It's good for my children and all of us as a family.

I suppose ordinarily these parents in the OP would find state education perfectly adequate but due to lockdowns feel their children need a bit of help from a tutor and would like them to learn a new skill/make new friends hence the extracurricular activities. I don’t think that’s pushy at all. If my children suffered more than they did academically since all this kicked off I would be looking for a tutor to help them. As it is, we can help them as a family so don’t need that so far.

I couldn’t blame anyone for suddenly embracing private school after their experiences of state schooling during Covid closures. Very sensible.

Lots of people realised that state provision was poor during the first lockdown (locally anyway) so have been using tutors or looking at private schools.

We are moving our DC to private for a mix of reasons, including but not limited to

• online learning provisions at our state school were ok but not great, especially feedback from teachers were minimal
• when they were back at school a lot of time was spent going over what had been thought during lockdown as some pupils didn’t do the home learning -> waste of time for the pupils who did the home learning.

Loss of time - I can relate to this. My son was 5 when the pandemic started. He's now 7. He still can't swim. He's missed out doing football. He's put weight on because none of his after school activities were on and I was working from home and unable to completely supervise - hence trips to the kitchen to raid the cupboards!

I'm really worried about his education and more worryingly so is he. He's traumatised (genuinely) about the thought of being in Year 3 in September - but Mummy, i've barely even done Year 1 or Year 2.

If I had the money he would be straight to a private school and activities booked up to the eyeballs. I completely get it.

@Snuggleworm

Maybe they hve had enough of their kids at home and want to get them out of the house as much as possible :)

This

Seriously, I feel like my daughter is sick of being at home after all the lockdowns. I certainly am! She’s started two activities that I was planning to book before the first lockdown, but I’m making an effort to do more out of the house and go to different places, simply because we didn’t do days out for so long. And part of me wants to make the most of it in case we have another lockdown.

As to private schools, I was always of the view that everyone should just send their child to their local schools and that would average out/ be fairer... until I became a parent. Applied for a school out of catchment as our catchment school had a poor Ofsted rating; planning to move to be in catchment for a good secondary school, and while our state school is very good, if we had the money, I’d send her to a private school because the smaller class sizes and better facilities would be great for her. I’m honest enough to admit my previous views/ morals don’t stand up to wanting the very best for my child!

I think the pandemic has just heightened parental guilt and insecurity. Just like a few comments on this thread has

But I really do not think wanting to do right by your child is in anyway pushy. Every child needs a little extra support right now. My DS needs emotional support, my DD1 needs social support and my DD2 needs speech and language support. You'd best bet I'm ensuring they get it. I hope every parent is doing the same!

Private education is not an exercise in vanity. We've used both state and private schools, depends on the child. Can't knock parents for doing their best against the changing conditions.

I think the pandemic has shown exactly HOW different education and opportunities are if you attend a private school, whereas before it was perhaps a bit hidden. I don't begrudge parents for wanting it for their kids.

This. And let's put it into a broader context - my kid's (private) swim club is open, as is her (private) language club and (private) weekly hobby. If we want books we get them from Amazon or swap with friends. Free/cheap/council pools, toddler activities, libraries, rhyme time, sport? All still shut or operating in a very restricted way, lots of waiting lists and booking systems you need a PhD to navigate. There was a broad gulf anyway based on parental means; now it's a yawning chasm.