New breed of pushy parent created by the pandemic?

[Homeontherangeuk]

I have noticed in our circle of friends that previously relaxed parents have totally up the ante & previous "morals" regarding private school & tutors have gone completely out the window... I'm gathering the pandemic has created insecurity in parents who were previously happy with their kids education. The parents in question have also signed the kids up for loads of extracurriculars whereas pre covid they liked the kids to relax & play after school... So aibu to think the pandemic has created a new breed of pushy parents?

They were previously happy with their children's education. Now they're not.

I agree that being so vocal about their beliefs before all this makes them look a little silly now. But they're just trying to do the best for their children. YABU to call them pushy parents.

I think the pandemic has shown exactly HOW different education and opportunities are if you attend a private school, whereas before it was perhaps a bit hidden.

I think that’s part of it.

But equally, the difference in response between state and private was very notable in some cases and it shone a light on how well each are equipped to deal with disruption of their usual approach.

We may lockdown again. We may have to deal with other kinds of disruption, so now that it’s a possibility in parents minds, I get why some want to make sure they’d be in the best position if it happens.

@Homeontherangeuk

Well previously they were very much against private education... They openly had the belief & often breezily stated that are they are both very highly (& well paid) professionals their children would thrive in any environment so they would be state educated all the way through (well known outstanding state)... Now the dc are moving to private in September...

Maybe they can see that private schools have continued when state struggled to stay open/had to close/levels of home school work from some schools were very poor and others good. Add it all up and if thy can afford they it makes sense for them.

I think that many parents might go the private route if they could afford to after the mess some schools made of home schooling - the first lockdown was frankly extremely poor. No set work at all - vague emails and suggestions of tv programmes whilst state teachers home on full pay tending the garden. Not all schools some actually made a massive effort, others didn't. I have experience of both types of school.

@EssentialHummus

I think the pandemic has shown exactly HOW different education and opportunities are if you attend a private school, whereas before it was perhaps a bit hidden. I don't begrudge parents for wanting it for their kids.

This. And let's put it into a broader context - my kid's (private) swim club is open, as is her (private) language club and (private) weekly hobby. If we want books we get them from Amazon or swap with friends. Free/cheap/council pools, toddler activities, libraries, rhyme time, sport? All still shut or operating in a very restricted way, lots of waiting lists and booking systems you need a PhD to navigate. There was a broad gulf anyway based on parental means; now it's a yawning chasm.

Spot on.

The huge gulf between those that can pay for their children to do everything including education privately and those that cannot has grown massively.

There's noise in DC state school that some things like trips and prom may never come back - and many outside groups and activties also seem a bit less likely as people have moved on.

So on top of time loss, very varriable experiences of education state sector and perhaps a bit more awareness of differences bettwen private and state - there's opportunites slowly disappearing.

If they can afford it - I can totally see why private school with more resources suddenly more desirable or if that's not possible why parents are trying to fix gaps in they've experienced in state education with tutors.

[quote Cocomarine]@Letsallscreamatthesistene absolutely!

Before the pandemic I had no illusions that the local private school (that I couldn’t afford, morals schmorals) would offer my child smaller classes, better facilities, wider opportunities… what I didn’t ever think about is that there’d be no “can’t do video calls - safeguarding” moments, or that my state school would just decide to do NOTHING.[/quote]
Same here - the response from some schools was awful - parents won't forget this lack of effort and the ones that can move will move their children - a small number but I don't blame them one bit.

The experience in my area has been a bit different, after the first lockdown hit quite a few kids were removed from our DS’s prep as the parents could no longer afford the fees or didn’t want to pay for online school. Also no kids got/accepted grammar places for the first time ever, and more parents than ever chose the state option for secondary as the state schools in this area did homeschool very well and parents are reluctant to pay for schools that kids can’t attend.

My philosophy is that ALL kids have been held back so all are disadvantaged but some parents will worry themselves silly and pay a pricely price to help their kids" get ahead." Up to them really.
If i had the money i might go privaye but im letting dd visit friends as much and possible and not stressing about school work yet .. .but she's in year 8 not gcse years.

Private*

That’s not pusy parenting. It’s the bare minimum parents should be able to do to help their kids get over the damaging effects of the pandemic.

I have no objection to tutors, private schools, or extra curricular activities, and can understand why some parents (not neccessarily pushy ones) might reconsider their options during the past year.
But saying it's the bare minimum is pretty tone deaf to the financial implications many families have faced during the past year.
Not everyone has been able to wfh, saved thousands from not commuting, or going abroad on holiday. There have been massive levels of redundancy and some people in certain sectors havent been able to work for over a year.

I started tutoring for my eldest. When you read about the massive and long lasting impact of the school closures this isn’t anything I feel guilty about in the slightest.

Well if covid has enlightened them so what?

Childhood is very short! Maybe they realised the state school was quite poor over lock down and the private better? Maybe they realised they had to seize the day now!

I dislike the term pushy and it's only really a few dc who have truly hard going no play time only work parents.

• I've become a massive fan of tutors pre lock down I must admit I was a little sniffy about it with dd one but dd2 needs it, it's a bespoke finely tuned education that large state clasess cannot manage.

Not really seen that here, or not yet anyway

Both DS1 college and DS2 dealt very well with pandemic (full normal schedule online live lessons from day 1, kids with no access to tech were loaned PCs from the IT department) so if anything it has made me value local State Ed even more (but don’t object to Private on principle. I think a lot of private schools are not better than State schools)

@Homeontherangeuk

I have noticed in our circle of friends that previously relaxed parents have totally up the ante & previous "morals" regarding private school & tutors have gone completely out the window... I'm gathering the pandemic has created insecurity in parents who were previously happy with their kids education. The parents in question have also signed the kids up for loads of extracurriculars whereas pre covid they liked the kids to relax & play after school... So aibu to think the pandemic has created a new breed of pushy parents?

Ah the race to the bottom….

No, it’s not pushy parenting OP, it’s called caring about your kids and their future

I started the thread as we always did activities, educational trips, museums, happy to pay for the best education for the dc but the couple in question scorned us... Basically saying that they didn't need to do this as their kids would thrive anywhere... Not a race to the bottom for us, we always encouraged & facilitated educational aspiration 😁

I'd call it a reassessment then, after a period of great change!

So why call them pushy parents then OP? If you're the same as them

If you read my post they used to imply condesendingly that we were pushy, they didn't need to be as their kids were naturally going to be phenomenal. They both a house beside one of the UKs top state school, tiny catchment, houses exceeding 1 million & said state all the way for them.... Just noting how the tide has changed that's all..

Bought not both!

I think the pandemic has made a lot of people reappraise many things.
Not education related, but the demand for the out of school activity that I'm involved in has absolutely sky rocketed. For the first time anyone can remember, we've got a waiting list even though we are now allowed back to our pre Covid ratios. In 2019 we had some age groups that were barely viable in our club - now every one has increased and we've had to open extra groups for our youngest couple of age groups. Our equivalent club for adults is also proving at least 50% busier than pre pandemic.
I think a lot of it is just that people are taking some things for granted less, and are valuing settings where they interact with other people more than before. Some of it is just that we now only have pre booking online which I think makes people a bit more committed, but mainly I think we've just realised how much benefit there is to spending time with other human beings. Obviously that doesn't account for why people might be changing schools but I think it goes a long way to account for the increased enthusiasm for extracurricular activities.

Just noting how the tide has changed that's all

Wow shocker, people change their minds.

You seem a little over invested in them OP. I think a lot of people have changed their minds on these kinds of issues since the pandemic. I'm not entirely sure what you want out of this thread.

Tutors always were a hidden privilege. No need to declare them on a UCAS form, unlike private nor grammar schools.

Well I'm sorry if comes accross as a shocker... We had to endure plenty of clangers from this couple over the years... Including how the school they chose for their dc was as their kids "will naturally be brilliant due to their own educational achievements", "the state school is very lucky to have parents like themselves raising the bar etc"....

@randomlyLostInWales

There's noise in DC state school that some things like trips and prom may never come back - and many outside groups and activties also seem a bit less likely as people have moved on.

So on top of time loss, very varriable experiences of education state sector and perhaps a bit more awareness of differences bettwen private and state - there's opportunites slowly disappearing.

If they can afford it - I can totally see why private school with more resources suddenly more desirable or if that's not possible why parents are trying to fix gaps in they've experienced in state education with tutors.

That would be terribly sad, the kids really need to fun stuff too...