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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No mask so school bus left my DD

492 replies

onanislandfaraway · 14/06/2021 22:34

Both me and my DP was at work today so my 13yo DD has to be home alone for a couple of hours until DP gets home at 6pm. I texted her asking did she get home OK and she told me she'd lost her mask during a sports session at school and that the school bus wouldn't let her on so left her at school.

She didn't want to hassle me or DP at work so rang her nan to pick her up and thank god she was able to and only lives a 15 minute drive away so wasn't waiting around too long. Her school is in the next town over to where we live so way too far for her to walk home. AIBU to think that the school bus is responsible for getting children home and should not have just left her at the school? Shouldn't they have spare masks just incase of instances like this? I will of course be making sure she has plenty of spare masks in her bag, to be honest she did use to carry a few spares but didn't happen to have any today. I am quite angry that they've done this.

OP posts:
wonderstuff · 15/06/2021 19:56

Someone would have been in school and looked after her until she could be collected, she wasn't quite abandoned.

I think she was jolly sensible and sorted the situation quickly. If she had found herself without a mask earlier in the day she could have asked school staff for support, either a spare mask or arrangement of an alternative lift home.

Don't think you need to speak to anyone, what do you want them to do? If the bus starts carrying spares they risk tons of kids rocking up without.

onanislandfaraway · 15/06/2021 19:57

Thanks for all your replies, it has gone a bit crazy though hasn’t it. Honestly, I just wanted a little rant when I got home from work and it played on my mind a bit. I can absolutely appreciate she was left at a safe place.

I get that I may seem like I’m being overly cautious to some but when you’ve worked with sexual and violent offenders for the last 15 years it does have an effect on you. She goes to our local town regularly with friends but she doesn’t really know her way around the town her school is in because she was only there a few months before lockdown hit, so yes I was a bit worried she was in a town she didn’t really know on her own heading down to a pub car park. And yes she could have gone back to the school but choose to do this instead, just like other children may choose to do, thinking that school is now closed. There aren’t always staff around (outside anyway) by the time the buses leave.

I get that it’s mine and DD’s responsibility to have plenty of spares, she usually does, I failed to check on Monday, probably wasn’t helped by the fact I’d just come off nights the Saturday morning straight onto day shifts the Sunday morning and DD was doing sports outside all day Monday so didn’t think to bring spares as she knew she wouldn’t be using one for most of the day. When the day was done she went to pick up her belongings and her mask had gone. Yes this is absolutely our responsibility without doubt and just to clarify I didn’t even say she should be allowed to get on the bus without a mask because I wouldn’t want to be that parent that puts everyone else at risk. I am struggling to understand why there aren’t spares for situations like this, because mistakes do happen and things get forgotten. The school could charge the parents and pay the bus drivers. And I know she could have gone into school, I’m not arguing against any of this but maybe a less able child wouldn’t think to walk all the walk back in after school has finished and they may not be lucky enough to have people they could have rang to come get them. Some of these children are only 11 or possibly don't have the same level of competence we'd 'expect' of a high school child.

The only thing that I do find shocking however is all those saying that the bus driver did not have any responsibility. I’m not even talking about responsibility as a bus driver but I’m talking about as a HUMAN BEING, we ALL have a responsibility to others more vulnerable than us. I get he was doing his job and I’m not saying that he should have let her on without a mask but he watched her walk off school grounds not knowing if she had a phone or any other way of her getting home. This to me is unacceptable and it’s not the molly coddling of our children that’s wrong with society it’s the fact that no one gives a shit about the well being of others. It would have taken the bus driver a few seconds to just check she was OK and I don’t just mean this for my child because obviously she’s fine but I mean in general, why aren’t we looking out for others?

Anyway, some of you will probably strongly disagree with me and want me to get over myself, this post did get out of hand but I appreciate all your replies and I hope you realise it’s the bigger picture I’m talking about and not just what happened with my own DD. And one last thing, the patronising comments from some and making posters feel inadequate as a parent really is shit to be honest. I can take being told that I’ve failed as a parent off some randomers that have read a few paragraphs into my parenting, it doesn’t bother me but others who come on here at a time of need will probably be effected a lot more, not just on my post, but in general, you can disagree without ripping people apart, be kind. Thanks for giving me something to read in the sun though, hope you all have a great evening.

OP posts:
Benediction · 15/06/2021 19:57

"Did you miss the part where the bus was at the school, she had a phone, she rang a relative"

Did you miss the bit where I was making a general point about how rural school bus drivers should have a duty of care to all students because they have no way of knowing who can cope with having their transport removed and who could not?

Why, would your answer be different if OP's daughter had attempted to walk home and got lost, or had a panic attack? It shouldn't be different just because she was ok. The point is, another child might not be and they shouldn't assume.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/06/2021 20:03

She's 13. At that age many children walk themselves to and from school in the towns where they live. The driver would have expected her to walk back up to school and ask for help there if needed, or use her mobile phone to ring family for a lift which is what she did.

onanislandfaraway · 15/06/2021 20:09

Yep and that's been mentioned a zillion times already! Time to move on I think

OP posts:
lollipoprainbow · 15/06/2021 20:09

@onanislandfaraway I agree with everything you've said !!

Sleepyblueocean · 15/06/2021 20:11

I think some people should spend some time on a school bus and see what drivers have to deal with.

onanislandfaraway · 15/06/2021 20:19

Sleepyblueocean I appreciate that, that can be said of a lot of jobs though. Come spend some time on a forensic mental health ward to see what we deal with. We look out for other staff and put the well being of patients first. And even when trying to attack us, we protect their safety and dignity because they are vulnerable people.

OP posts:
AquaPandora · 15/06/2021 20:23

@Benediction

"Did you miss the part where the bus was at the school, she had a phone, she rang a relative"

Did you miss the bit where I was making a general point about how rural school bus drivers should have a duty of care to all students because they have no way of knowing who can cope with having their transport removed and who could not?

Why, would your answer be different if OP's daughter had attempted to walk home and got lost, or had a panic attack? It shouldn't be different just because she was ok. The point is, another child might not be and they shouldn't assume.

school bus drivers should most definitely not have a duty of care, that is ridiculous.

If anything, the school should have a duty of care. If parents unite and request that an adult would be there for the school-run buses, it could be a solution maybe.

The school bus driver is not a social worker nor a teacher nor an authority nor he has a psychology course. You cant inflict this kind of responsibility on him. Be reasonable.

Ask the school. The people working there have trainings to deal with children and they know their students more so they can help more. For example by assigning a person to oversee the school-bus leaving. There are presumably not hundreds of kids at a rural school.

Or the parents should stick together and pay someone to oversee the kids getting into the bus.

It is definitely not a school-bus driver´s responsibility and it is totally unreasonable to ask the driver to do so.

wonderstuff · 15/06/2021 20:25

Hilarious that people think leaving a teenager at school is a safeguarding issue. The school office will be manned for up to an hour after school, teachers will probably be on site until 5.

OP must feel she's fairly sensible to leave her at home alone for a couple of hours while she and her dp are at work.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 15/06/2021 20:38

@AquaPandora

That’s ridiculous, plus he was actually physically bigger than me and was 16-18 and it would have caused an accident waiting for the police on a busy country road at dusk. Hardly an emergency situation. I despair. People have lost the ability to be rational.

imforourfreedomback · 15/06/2021 20:40

@Sleepyblueocean oh it's such a tough job a assume.
Please can you go ahead a explain what is it that they go through. They need to drive some kids from home to school and back.
If they don't like it they should change the job.

AquaPandora · 15/06/2021 20:43

OP said " I’m not even talking about responsibility as a bus driver but I’m talking about as a HUMAN BEING, we ALL have a responsibility to others more vulnerable than us. I get he was doing his job and I’m not saying that he should have let her on without a mask but he watched her walk off school grounds not knowing if she had a phone or any other way of her getting home. This to me is unacceptable "

just imagine if there are 10 pupils or more without bus pass or without mask. The bus driver should go and check with all of them if they have a mobile phone or if they have someone to get them?

Its not his responsibility. His responsibility is to drive them from A to B safely without accident and adhere to the rules.

The bus driver is in no way responsible for what happened. If you are concerned then address the school and other parents with a constructive idea, like to hire some adult to oversee it, if the school is not willing to do it.

The only thing what I am really concerned about is that your DD went to the pub car park. Please, tell her to not go there alone again, that is very important. If anything happens, she should go back to the school and not wandering around in pub parking places.

AquaPandora · 15/06/2021 20:51

[quote Ritasueandbobtoo9]@AquaPandora

That’s ridiculous, plus he was actually physically bigger than me and was 16-18 and it would have caused an accident waiting for the police on a busy country road at dusk. Hardly an emergency situation. I despair. People have lost the ability to be rational.[/quote]
I think it was unreasonable. Even for you if he was bigger than you.

Please, be more careful with your good intentions, for your and other´s future safety. Keep that in mind.

imforourfreedomback · 15/06/2021 20:52

*This to me is unacceptable and it’s not the molly coddling of our children that’s wrong with society it’s the fact that no one gives a shit about the well being of others. It would have taken the bus driver a few seconds to just check she was OK and I don’t just mean this for my child because obviously she’s fine but I mean in general, why aren’t we looking out for others?
*
This exactly how I feel atm. Truth is nobody gives a damn about anyone else however the hypocrisy of some posters on here is absolutely shocking.

You would leave a 13 year old girl off a bus because of a bloody mask...that driver should be sacked. It's his responsibility to make sure the kids in his care - about the board the bus- are safe, what if the OP's daughter had been kidnapped ? All the hypocrites posters would still blame the mother for not giving her daughter an extra mask? How cruel this society is and yet we preach: We are in it together! Oh really? We are in it together while it suits certain people.

imforourfreedomback · 15/06/2021 20:53

@AquaPandora

OP said " I’m not even talking about responsibility as a bus driver but I’m talking about as a HUMAN BEING, we ALL have a responsibility to others more vulnerable than us. I get he was doing his job and I’m not saying that he should have let her on without a mask but he watched her walk off school grounds not knowing if she had a phone or any other way of her getting home. This to me is unacceptable "

just imagine if there are 10 pupils or more without bus pass or without mask. The bus driver should go and check with all of them if they have a mobile phone or if they have someone to get them?

Its not his responsibility. His responsibility is to drive them from A to B safely without accident and adhere to the rules.

The bus driver is in no way responsible for what happened. If you are concerned then address the school and other parents with a constructive idea, like to hire some adult to oversee it, if the school is not willing to do it.

The only thing what I am really concerned about is that your DD went to the pub car park. Please, tell her to not go there alone again, that is very important. If anything happens, she should go back to the school and not wandering around in pub parking places.

It's fully his responsibility! And he should be sacked
frysturkishdelight · 15/06/2021 20:57

[quote imforourfreedomback]@Sleepyblueocean oh it's such a tough job a assume.
Please can you go ahead a explain what is it that they go through. They need to drive some kids from home to school and back.
If they don't like it they should change the job.
[/quote]
Are you joking?

Can you honestly not imagine what a bus driver of teenagers has to put up with? Have you ever been with a group of teenagers?

The bus driver is driving.

He doesn't have time to walk 13 year olds back into school to the school office. I'm honestly agog. Imagine the uproar if the bus was late taking children home as the bus driver had spent an hour at school ringing parents!

Grenlei · 15/06/2021 21:05

OP, I do agree it's the driver's responsibility not to just abandon a child.

Surely it's akin to leaving a child behind who doesn't have their bus pass to use the service? Which is usually considered completely unacceptable.

I appreciate there are some 'theoretical' health reasons why a child with no mask can't get the bus (personally I think mask wearing is completely token, as always has been. I do it, but I don't think it makes any difference. Especially not on a school bus where I'm sure half of them are (if our local school buses are anything to go by) pulling them down to their chins or taking them off to eat/ drink.

Not all children take mobiles to school. What if she was on a PAYG mobile with no credit?

As for schools being available after finish time, not all of them! A few years ago I had a meeting at 3.30 with teachers at my child's school. School finished at 3pm. I arrived at 3.20. Doors were locked. Between a mix of buzzing the bell and calling it took until 3.45 until someone came to answer it. There was actually a pupil who turned up just after me who was trying to get back in (as they'd left either a purse or phone in school, can't remember which). So walking straight back in doesn't happen in all schools. And a lot of kids would be bloody frantic after nearly half an hour.

Boomisshiss · 15/06/2021 21:07

I’m guessing the OP agreed to the conditions when she applied for the bus pass it is made incredibly clear that children without masks will not be permitted on the bus. Before Covid it was also made clear that children without bus passes wouldn’t be accepted either. These are the rules you sign up for when you use the school transport. If you don’t like the rules of carriage on the school bus don’t use it. Simple really and those suggesting she is above the rules as she is female give your head a wobble do you honestly think that boys should be refused entry but not girls . The rules apply to everyone. Even those who like to baby 13 year olds as if they were toddlers.

toocold54 · 15/06/2021 21:26

YABU as no mask no travel on the bus. But I think the staff could have got her a spare mask quickly so she could get home ok.

toocold54 · 15/06/2021 21:30

Sleepyblueocean oh it's such a tough job a assume.
Please can you go ahead a explain what is it that they go through. They need to drive some kids from home to school and back.
If they don't like it they should change the job.

I’m a secondary school teacher but there’s no way I’d be a bus driver!

Imagine driving a car with 3 kids screaming, fighting and throwing things in the back seat while you’re trying to drive and then multiply it by 30+ all different ages, all different needs who’ve all been sat still for the majority of the day and are finally ‘free’.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 15/06/2021 21:35

“ Imagine driving a car with 3 kids screaming, fighting and throwing things in the back seat while you’re trying to drive and then multiply it by 30+ all different ages, all different needs who’ve all been sat still for the majority of the day and are finally ‘free’.”

The school has a behaviour policy, they have to behave, if any child distracts the driver they receive detention in my area, carries on, the parents have to drive them. It’s not the 80’s.

imforourfreedomback · 15/06/2021 21:36

@toocold54

Sleepyblueocean oh it's such a tough job a assume. *Please can you go ahead a explain what is it that they go through. They need to drive some kids from home to school and back. If they don't like it they should change the job.*

I’m a secondary school teacher but there’s no way I’d be a bus driver!

Imagine driving a car with 3 kids screaming, fighting and throwing things in the back seat while you’re trying to drive and then multiply it by 30+ all different ages, all different needs who’ve all been sat still for the majority of the day and are finally ‘free’.

Well wait a minute...why do the job then?! I don't get it!

Plus how long are they on the bus for? He's not driving the entire day.

You can't blame his lack of responsibility on the fact that he doesn't like his job

loo123 · 15/06/2021 21:38

I’d be angry too if I were you. I have been on a public bus throughout COVID & the amount of people not wearing masks was unbelievable (not school children) But the bus driver would still let them on the bus as there is nothing they can do, this is a difficult time for everyone but a little bit of understanding & patience would help. So yes school buses should he prepared for pupils to lose their mask & have supplies paid for by the school or council. Getting children back home safely from school is very important especially if they are unable to walk home.

imforourfreedomback · 15/06/2021 21:39

@loo123

I’d be angry too if I were you. I have been on a public bus throughout COVID & the amount of people not wearing masks was unbelievable (not school children) But the bus driver would still let them on the bus as there is nothing they can do, this is a difficult time for everyone but a little bit of understanding & patience would help. So yes school buses should he prepared for pupils to lose their mask & have supplies paid for by the school or council. Getting children back home safely from school is very important especially if they are unable to walk home.
Finally someone with a bit of common sense!