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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No mask so school bus left my DD

492 replies

onanislandfaraway · 14/06/2021 22:34

Both me and my DP was at work today so my 13yo DD has to be home alone for a couple of hours until DP gets home at 6pm. I texted her asking did she get home OK and she told me she'd lost her mask during a sports session at school and that the school bus wouldn't let her on so left her at school.

She didn't want to hassle me or DP at work so rang her nan to pick her up and thank god she was able to and only lives a 15 minute drive away so wasn't waiting around too long. Her school is in the next town over to where we live so way too far for her to walk home. AIBU to think that the school bus is responsible for getting children home and should not have just left her at the school? Shouldn't they have spare masks just incase of instances like this? I will of course be making sure she has plenty of spare masks in her bag, to be honest she did use to carry a few spares but didn't happen to have any today. I am quite angry that they've done this.

OP posts:
mrsplum2015 · 15/06/2021 14:02

Well actually @sockwomble if there wasn't another obvious option I would transport a child with autism myself

My eldest dd ha school anxiety and I have therefore transported her to school for the last three years (she gets the bus home) because that's what gives her best option of engaging in school. Yes it's been to totally inconvenient but as a parent i consider I am responsible for that and not the council, the school or a bus driver.

Sadly we do fall between gaps as she'd probably have got extra services and funding if she were autistic but her anxiety didn't attract that

altoran · 15/06/2021 14:05

@holdingpattern you really think a non SEN child who si 13 years old would not know to either talk to the teachers or phone a relative?

Sockwomble · 15/06/2021 14:09

Well I am not going to spend 5 hours a day transporting my son who is awake half the night. I did 3 days in a row once when his taxi driver was self isolating. He stayed home for the other 2 days because I was so tired I didn't feel safe driving. I am happy to put the responsibility on the council.

Crayfishforyou · 15/06/2021 14:09

I would complain.
The rule is a face COVERING not a mask.
She could have held her t shirt over her face or something on the bus.

BadNomad · 15/06/2021 14:12

She wasn't left alone. She was at school with adults. If you think your daughter is sensible enough to leave home alone for a few hours then surely she's sensible enough to know what to do in an emergency. Which she proved she is by contacting family.

OrangeRug · 15/06/2021 14:16

Absolutely fucking disgusting. I can't believe the way children have been treated this past year.

bigbluebus · 15/06/2021 14:32

Reading this thread is really depressing. I worry for the next generation of young adults if some of the comments on here are anything to go by. Youngsters will never learn to cope on their own if they don't learn to deal with the consequences of their own actions. Thankfully it seems that this young lady was able to sort the problem out without any issues - although the parent still seems to be catastrophising and wanting to blame others for ......... her daughter's mistake.

I travelled on a school bus from age 4. Back then the only adult on the bus was the driver. I still remember the day the bus crashed 5 mins after it had picked up at the first stop. The driver was knocked unconscious. The handful of children on the bus ranged from 4 - 9. We sat calmly until help arrived. I guess we sobbed a little - some were slightly injured but thankfully only the driver was badly hurt. Once adult help arrived in the form of shopkeepers from the local pharmacy, we did what we were told. Back then most of us didn't have a landline never mind a mobile phone. I still remember the Pharmacist driving us all home in his car much to the surprise of our mothers when we got there. Imagine that happening now! But I continued to travel by bus and train - public service buses (unaccompanied)from 9 when I went to middle school. We learnt the times of different bus routes incase we missed one or stayed for an after school activity. There were no mobile phones and in my case no landline until I was 13. As long as we were home for tea it was fine.

AmadeustheAlpaca · 15/06/2021 14:43

The issue is not that the OP”S daughter isn’t a capable girl, it’s that the driver, who will have had safeguarding clearance, almost certainly broke the rules of his job by banning a pupil from his bus. There were plenty of easy solutions to a situation of a pupil without a mask- eg cover face with part of her gym kit or a cloth - but he chose the grumpy bus driver solution.

mrsplum2015 · 15/06/2021 14:44

Well as I say @sockwomble we fall between the gaps.

Tired as I am with three kids and a full time job and often at least one kid up very late at night I will drive my dd to school as there is no other option. And I don't want her to refuse school altogether.

I'm Glad you have the fortune of a taxi each day.

DOINGOURBIT · 15/06/2021 14:46

The driver was doing his job and shouldn't be criticised for that. The girl is 13 years old, note she isn't 3. She doesn't think to cover her face with gym kit or cloth? This is the problem with mollycoddling youngsters, they can't think for themselves.

lollipoprainbow · 15/06/2021 14:48

I travelled on a school bus from age 4

Yeah of course you did Hmmwhen was this the 40's?? Life has moved on since then society isn't as nice as it once was or hadn't you noticed ??

Quaggars · 15/06/2021 14:51

@lollipoprainbow

I travelled on a school bus from age 4

Yeah of course you did Hmmwhen was this the 40's?? Life has moved on since then society isn't as nice as it once was or hadn't you noticed ??

It's perfectly plausible to be on a school bus at that age, when I was at primary school in the 80s the kids from the next village were bussed in to school, so will have been 5, possible to be 4 I suppose depending on birthday.
tywysoges · 15/06/2021 15:01

The 4 year olds in my village take the school bus to the school two villages over. Granted, there is an escort now… Grin

melj1213 · 15/06/2021 15:01

@lollipoprainbow

I travelled on a school bus from age 4

Yeah of course you did Hmmwhen was this the 40's?? Life has moved on since then society isn't as nice as it once was or hadn't you noticed ??

What's so unlikely about this? When I lived abroad my DDs school had school buses that collected children from kindergarten upwards (though they do have a chaperone as well as the driver) and my nephew in Canada is 5 and gets the school bus every day.

Life may have moved on but a 13yo left at school at 3pm on a June afternoon is perfectly safe.

Billandben444 · 15/06/2021 15:02

Have just caught up on the last few pages of this thread - it's like groundhog day. Don't people ever read the other identical comments before they post? No wonder the OP has done a runner.

Allington · 15/06/2021 15:18

Once children are allowed to get on a bus unsupervised (rather than handed over from one responsible adult to another as in primary), then they should be able to handle an unexpected change of plan while still on the school premises.

If they miss the bus - for whatever reason - then at 13 I would hope they could come up with a sensible plan B - ask a member of staff for help, for example, or phone a trusted adult. Which your DD did. I don't see the problem.

DD is 13 and catches public transport to and from school - if the bus didn't arrive, or she was turned away, I would expect her to call me, and if she couldn't get hold of me then return to school and ask for help. If I didn't believe she was capable of that, then I would have to take her to and from school every day.

If you don't feel happy letting her use her judgement in that situation, I suggest you escort her to school and back every day.

AquaPandora · 15/06/2021 15:20

OP, I think you must be very angry, but after you calm down you will see:

  1. The bus driver was doing his job. He is not at fault, there are rules and your kid was at the school area
  1. You have to tell your DD that if anything similar happens, she has to go back to the school and wait there and to never go to a pub parking place alone again! Go back to the school

I am sure if your DD asked some teachers at the school they would have provided some spare mask, but she has to ask before boarding the bus! Its nothing new so she was aware
The main thing to teach her: dont go wandering around some pub parking places alone! wait at the school

bigbluebus · 15/06/2021 15:21

@lollipoprainbow

I travelled on a school bus from age 4

Yeah of course you did Hmmwhen was this the 40's?? Life has moved on since then society isn't as nice as it once was or hadn't you noticed ??

Yes I did - my DF used to wait at the bus stop until the bus arrived and we were on it and then he drove to work- in a different direction to the school. DM didn't drive and we only had 1 car - like most families in the 1960's & 70's.

Our village primary has a bus from the next village. Up until a few years ago there was no escort on it. I assume the driver knew not to leave children at their destination unless an adult was waiting for them. Now that would be a safeguarding issue.

I don't agree that society 'isn't as nice' now compared to back ' in my day' either. Plenty of crime and dodgy people around. It just wasn't in your face every minute of every day as it had to make it to the news or the daily/ weekly paper. Now we all live in fear because our newsfeeds are constantly full of crime.

bridgetreilly · 15/06/2021 15:26

I'm a nurse and couldn't imagine turning someone away from hospital because they didn't have a mask

And yet, this has been happening regularly for the past 16 months.

altoran · 15/06/2021 15:29

That nurse said she works in a forensic ward. She cant turn people away.

everybodysang · 15/06/2021 15:36

She managed. I think good on the driver.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/06/2021 15:38

My younger dD was catching the school bus at 4yo 3 years ago. As was the whole of her Reception class pretty much. It was a very regulated system in primary. At the secondary, not so much. They would check every child wasnt on the wrong bus, but not I every child was on the right bus... The children were free to wander off if they wanted, it was up tothe parents to discipline them for that.

MrsBungle · 15/06/2021 15:46

Gosh I am shocked that you think a driver of a council organised bus has a duty of care to a teenager

I’m shocked you think that the driver of a school bus has no duty of care to teenagers! I can assure you they do. Every person who works with children and young people has a safeguarding duty.

I’m not saying this particular situation is a major issue but the school is likely to want to know if children are being refused their transport so that the protocol of what to do can be shared. Some secondary pupils are still only 11 years old.

MrsBungle · 15/06/2021 15:50

"Safeguarding is most certainly the school transport bus companies job. It’s the job of every single person who works with children."

This wasn't a safeguarding issue because the secondary age child was left on school premises. They would have been able to go to the school office to speak to someone and have somewhere safe to wait.

@Sleepyblueocean I didn’t actually say this particular situation was a safeguarding issue. I was correcting a previous poster who stated that safeguarding is not a school bus companies responsibility - it most certainly is.

HarrietPierce · 15/06/2021 15:50

On most council websites it states that the driver of school buses can use discretion as to whether to refuse a secondary age child to board a bus in the case of a forgotten bus pass. So he/she could perhaps have told this girl to put something over her face and allowed her to board if he/she so desired.

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