Do you allow your 16 year old & friends to drink in your home?

[DonGray]

My teen wants to host mates to watch the Euros and someone has asked if they can bring beer - I'm undecided about this

YABU - I let them drink
YANBU - no booze when I host

Yes, but I'd want to supply it - weak lager. If you let them bring it, it will be strong cider and vodka.

Also get Canada of soft drink though. You'll probably find most of them prefer that. And lay on something substantial to eat.

Canada? Cans of...

Do you even know your 16yo's friends, let alone their parents?

My 17 yr old had friends round for Euros and we offered beers. They said no!! I wouldn't have offered until they had all turned 16 though. My son is old in year so when he was 16 many were 15.

Must admit I didn't bother to check with parents. But I know they all have some drinks when they meet at another home.

@DirectionsForUse

Do you even know your 16yo's friends, let alone their parents?

@DirectionsForUse

yes, we do.
I know all of their closest friends because they keep coming here, couldn't beat them away with a stick!🤣
we also know where they live and know some of their parents well or at least met them a few times.

it was exactly the same as my friends & I've always knew each others parents and the parents had each others contact details. they also met a few times because of lifts to each others houses.

I honestly can't imagine anything else.
I suffer from anxiety so having contact details at the very least is what allows me to be relaxed and not worry about what if anything goes wrong.

I really love my kids' friends and DH & I always chat with them a bit, make them feel welcome. we banter a bit & have a nice rapport. I just can't imagine anything else.
they are good eggs.
(they tell my kids they really like us so I guess we are cool parents.)

@DirectionsForUse

Do you even know your 16yo's friends, let alone their parents?

Yep.

The one big upside to living somewhere where parent taxis are often needed is knowing their friends well, and their friends parents knowing my lot.

And I have a problem with your 'do it my way or you're clearly feral' attitude. It's patronising and insulting.

Hate to say it but it's your dc that are waaaay more likely to behave like they've been released from prison when they fly the nest

That's aimed at @Skengman (if she can read it from her massive high horse)

Was allowed to when I was 16, my dad would get me a few cans and we'd take turns who's house we went to every few weeks.

At 16? God, yes. I might possibly check with parents if I didn't know either them or their kids that well, but those I have known for years I'd tell them the beer and wine is in the fridge and to help themselves.

Yes we have a covered, seated area outside with tv's. We can keep an eye on them and take them home if needed. Its happened for the last 2 years with parents knowledge. I've had parents thank me for allowing them to come around. They know they are in a safe place with us and will be looked after.

I would allow it yes, but like many others have said, I would provide beer and cider and veto any spirits! I would also want to check directly with parents either by phone or text- or would ask the kids to get their parent to text me to give their permission. I don’t have a problem with my own DC drinking a little at 16 (mine are currently 15 and 13 and both have an occasional cider with us at home) but they are underage and it wouldn’t be my place to give alcohol to a child that isn’t mine! They might have allergies/health conditions or particular religious/cultural values that mean they shouldn’t have alcohol. I think it would be irresponsible (and quite rude!) not to check.

Yes i would let them, we prefer to have a relaxed feeling about alcohol and if its in your home you can monitor it, better than them sneaking off down the park with a bottle of cider.

I'm interested to hear from those who say that their child won't be allowed to drink until they are 18.

Do you genuinely believe that they won't be sneaking booze behind your back?

And if you think they won't have their first drinking session til they are 18 - why would you want them to be experimenting with alcohol and learning their limits when they are potentially just starting Uni and therefore in a strange town with strangers as opposed to surrounded by people that know, love and care for them who will keep an eye on them?

Nope and all these “it’s safer in my home” , they’ll still go out and drink because being watched by your parents isn’t any fun!

I've brought up two teens already. I suspect yes, maybe my daughter is likely to try alcohol before she is 18. I don't have to condone it, just like I wouldn't condone drugs or smoking. I will however be telling her what happens to females when they get drunk. I'll be telling her what happened to me. And then hopefully she'll have facts to make choices.

I don't believe kids drinking at home means they won't go crazy later on. I was given alcohol from aged 11. I drank awfully in my teens, 20s and early 30s as did my siblings and friends.

@ConstanceGracy

Nope and all these “it’s safer in my home” , they’ll still go out and drink because being watched by your parents isn’t any fun!

I don't watch them? That would be weird! I respect their privacy, the way they respect mine. Dh & I generally relax and watch a film in the lounge and let them have the garden/back room to drink & chat. After over a year of lockdown, I bloody love having a houseful of happy, chatty teenagers. They're no bother.

Well it's a lot safer at home than in a park! Seriously were some of you never 16??? I shall be letting my (16 year old) son host a few friends on Friday with a few beers bought by me. I will be next door watching the football so definitely not "watching" them. And I'm most definitely not "feral" by the way.

My first reaction was no, but to watch the football, maybe. But I would supply beer wine and cider, and not very much of it, and once it was gone it would be gone. I'd also provide plenty of soft drinks and also some food to soak it up.

My ds is 18 and he has hardly drunk at all, I suppose covid lockdown is good for something. He doesn't like wine or beer but would happily drink cider.

I have "done" the teenage years with several dc with no disasters and good relationships all round. A tolerant approach encouraging independence has worked well for us. The most restricted kids tend to be the ones who go crazy when they're off to uni at 18.
Have provided weak beer and food to soak it up for 16 year olds recently. Sausage rolls - most teenagers can't resist them! Also provide lots of nice soft drinks so they're spacing out the beer.

I'd prefer them drinking at home too, most 16 y.o's will experiment with alcohol.

A tolerant approach encouraging independence has worked well for us.

Totally this.

My DD was drinking at 15 or 16 for sure. She's now 22 and in the middle of a highly academic Masters at a world-leading university. She's less 'feral' than I am