Do you allow your 16 year old & friends to drink in your home?

[DonGray]

My teen wants to host mates to watch the Euros and someone has asked if they can bring beer - I'm undecided about this

YABU - I let them drink
YANBU - no booze when I host

Yes I'd allow it.
I'd provide alcohol for my child along with food to soak up the booze, I'd let other parents decide if they wanted to let their child come with alcohol.

Age 16 they will drink, if you don't provide a safe space to do it in, they'll find an unsafe one and do it anyway. I'd rather know my child was in my backwards having a couple of beers than in a park drinking cheap vodka from the bottle.

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

We're supposed to check with parents of 16 year olds for sleepovers?! Madness.

My 14 year old and her friends sort things themselves when they want sleepovers. I can't imagine phoning parents of my 16 year olds mates to arrange a sleepover 😂

I like to know where they are and who they are with and certainly check things like alcohol. It's arranged by DD and her friends but the hosting parent generally sends a message if there is something like alcohol, which some parents might not allow.

It was my DS 16th birthday yesterday and he had a few friends over for pizza and stuff. I bought some non alcoholic beer for them. And no one touched it. They preferred the soft drinks.

Yes, I’d let them but I wouldn’t provide it. ( and it wouldn’t be a regular occurrence as I don’t like too many people in my house

Were some people on here ever 16?

I know it's not the same now but me and my mates could happily get served at 16 in some places (no ID checks were ever bothered with) and honestly, you behaved and learnt social etiquette as you didn't dare risk getting barred, just in case you couldn't get served anywhere else.

Kids want booze and they will get it. If they're going to do it, I'd much rather be around a responsible adult who will say "NO" when it's needed rather than relying on the booze monkey to do so.

I wouldn't have provided alcohol without checking with the other parents though. But I would trust my DS to make good decisions if he went to a party/gathering and was offered alcohol, I wouldn't necessarily expect another parent to check with me. DS doesn't drink at home, his choice, but I wouldn't be against him having a beer at a bbq occasionally for instance.

I’d let them. Dd1 had an end of school party here, and has been to couple at friends houses. Alcohol was available at all of them provided by the parents. Obviously not enough for them to get very drunk. They were sensible, had a good time and none of the parents minded. Better than them necking cheap cider in the park and way way more innocent than what I was doing at the weekends when I was 16!

I did with my now three adult DD'S. I've never had to clean up sick etc. I allowed alcohol from 14. None of my DD'S or their friends (23- 35 years old) have been caused any harm by this. They are all sensible, occasional drinkers. I don't think today's over protectiveness is doing young people any good. They all saw sensible drinking by parents etc as well.

We're supposed to check with parents of 16 year olds for sleepovers?! Madness

Good for you being a Cool Mum, but I personally don't want a 16 year old girl's parents thinking she's gone missing because she 'forgot' to say where she was when she's under my roof.

Ditto I would check my 16 year old DD was actually invited to a friend's house overnight by the parent(s), and ask if they wanted a contribution towards anything.

It's polite. It's safer.

I said yes to a couple of beers with pizzas once when DS was 16. Someone snuck in a bottle of vodka.

First and last time.

I was able to get into/ served in all the local pubs and clubs from 15. From 16 I was going to all night raves. I’ve turned into a fully functioning adult.

I don’t see why people are treating 16 year old school leavers as if they are infants. Surely they are now heading towards young adulthood and having a few drinks with their friends is no big deal, surely?

I'd check with the parents and limit the amount.

Our 16 year old drinks with us when we go out and I would be fine with what you said op.
I think if you make it a forbidden fruit in makes it all the more appealing. We don't let her drink spirits but a beer, cider or glass of Prosecco is fine.
I don't want her going away to uni having never drank and putting herself in dangerous situations.
When I was 16 I was spending the night at all night raves and taking E's pretending I was staying at mates houses.
So I can't get excited over a couple of beers that they would probably just do behind my back anyway.

Yes I've always allowed alcohol at ours as I would rather know what and where they are drinking and how much. My DF allowed me to drink as did his parents.

I think it helped make my DS sensible with alcohol. Neither he nor I are big drinkers.

Yes.

Mid strength beers - max 3 bottles per teen - supplied by me to those who have a parental ok only. The deal is no alcohol to be brought into the house - I confiscated a bottle of rum once!!!

The key is knowing your child's friends AND their families well enough that we can call a parent to collect anybody who doesn't fall in line.

We have never had anybody sick, any damage or needed to call for an extraction.

My child is younger, but no I won't be. Too many risks. Eg, safety getting home, their own parents being upset, teenagers don't always share their health issues, unpredictable effects on behaviors, etc. Saying that, my parents knew I was out in pubs at that age. My son won't be if I have any say in the matter.

Obviously not all 16 year olds are drinking. I can guarantee my 16 year old is not. She has pretty much no friends and is horrified by the idea of smoking/drinking/drugs. However if she wanted one or two with friends I wouldn't say no. In 18 months she'll be an adult and I'll have no say anyway. I was drinking horrendous amounts at her age and am glad she isn't drinking tbh. I have friends who encourage their teens to drink which I find a bit disturbing but I wouldn't say no if she asked. Agree with those who said no spirits though.

I’d allow it with the other parents’ permission.

But I’d also buy the beer myself so I knew exactly what they were drinking and how much, and get them some food so they could line their stomachs.

Found the feral kids' parent.

Spend less time on your phone and more time with your kids and they'll learn the meaning of no.

Yeah, that’s what my mum would have said. She was mega strict and very judgmental of parents who were more relaxed with their teens.

The result being that I would go out with my friends and tell her we were having “sleepovers” when actually we were god knows where drinking whatever we’d been able to get our hands on without her knowledge. Got into some pretty unsafe situations.

Fuck me!!! People check 16 year olds parents for sleepover!

Have I got this right? If you have a 16 year old staying over you check with their parents!!!!

Sometimes I think mnet is in a parallel universe to me!

Yes a beer/cider but would limit to 1 or 2 friends max due to covid, risk is too high inside

We use to allow DSSs one beer from 16 but only around us, not if friends around. We didn't really have any issues with them. They seem to be less interested in alcohol in their 20s than my generation.

I won't allow DD alcohol till she is 18. I had 3 uncles. Brothers. Heavy drinkers. Died in their 60s, 50s, 40s. One through suicide due to alcoholism. I think our society normalises the over consumption and the use of alcohol atevery conceivable occasion and I really don't like it.

Based purely on my stepchildren and nephews, the younger generations do appear to drink less. They seem more focused on being able to do that jog, bike ride, hike.

ok so to all those who'd check with other parents about friends coming over at all/sleepovers: I don't.

But that's because
a, I know and trust my kids & their friends well enough so I trust that their parents know where they will be.
b, we know each others' numbers and enough of each others' kids' numbers per friendship group that if there's an emergency we can contact each other.
we all realise the need for safety, nobody is blasé about that.
c, there's just no need for lying. they are allowed to do what they want within reason. I'm fine with some alcohol, would really hate smoking (most of them don't, the few others choose to not do it here) and I wouldn't tolerate drugs (they don't & no reason to doubt them).

DS3 (16) asked me to have a few friends over tomorrow, sleeping in a tent. I said yes. didn't occur to me to check with other parents.
I trust the teens, there's no need to check.

@SoupDragon

Found the feral kids' parent.

Totally ridiculous. I'm 2/3 of the way through raising my teens. They all know what "no" means but they have all grown up with sensible boundaries rather than draconian ones.

I said nothing about draconian rules.

I pick my battles and have no problem with children drinking conservatively under supervision and WITH adults.

I do have a problem with the 'they'll do it anyway' style of lazy parenting.

Personally, I grew up with a more continental attitude to alcohol which my siblings and I have passed on to our respective children.

Alcohol has never been a big deal/coming of age thing and it wasn't a problem to wait for uni for the whole unsupervised binge drinking experience.

I said nothing about draconian rules.

It was perfectly implied by your referring to normal, sensible parenting as resulting "feral" children.