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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you allow your 16 year old & friends to drink in your home?

122 replies

DonGray · 13/06/2021 23:26

My teen wants to host mates to watch the Euros and someone has asked if they can bring beer - I'm undecided about this

YABU - I let them drink
YANBU - no booze when I host

OP posts:

Bookaholic73 · 14/06/2021 06:37

As long as the other children’s parents agree, I would say yes.

Kids will drink, and I’d rather they did it at home with supervision.

bonbonours · 14/06/2021 06:41

Another one here who would rather teens had a small amount of alcohol in my house, supervised by me than heading out to the park with a bottle of vodka. And much as it may be annoying I'd rather mine was the house where the kids congregate than my kid going off somewhere where I have no idea if there's parental supervision or not.

Belledan1 · 14/06/2021 06:53

Skengman. Please advise what age kids you have and how you are such a perfect parent??

LadyPenelope68 · 14/06/2021 07:11

No, not at all.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 14/06/2021 07:23

No, not until 18 and even then I’d limit what what in the house as I dislike alcohol.

Shade17 · 14/06/2021 07:41

No, not until 18 and even then I’d limit what what in the house as I dislike alcohol.

As long as you realise they’ll be drinking elsewhere long before they’re 18.

Domoresteps · 14/06/2021 07:45

I wouldn’t as I would want to keep an eye on how much alcohol was consumed/who had had what/make sure no one had too much etc. I would feel responsible for that. It would be easier to just say no until they are 18.

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 14/06/2021 07:51

@Skengman
Are you my ds's friends mum?

He isn't allowed to drink and his mum would make exactly the same sort of unpleasant comment as you (we all avoided her like the plague in the playground days)
Funnily enough, he's the one who went off rails and went absolutely crazy. He couldn't wait to escape and had absolutely no self control and got into some terrible states behind her back.

At 16 I provided lager and cider and plenty of pizza, crisps etc at gatherings.
With the exception of the lad above, all of my ds's friends were allowed a drink and allowing them to, in a safe environment, worked out well and all of them are pretty sensible young men now.

VictoriaLudorum · 14/06/2021 07:52

Well, the rule here is a glass of wine, beer or cider with a meal from confirmation age (between 13 and 14), so my answer would be no.
Agree with previous posters on keeping an eye on consumption. I am fine about drinks with food (limited quantity and consumption time).

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 14/06/2021 07:52

Yes I did yesterday. The only rules I had was that they brought their own with them and no spirits. They all drank one or two each apart from one lad who drank water. I did supply burgers and hotdogs though

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 14/06/2021 07:52

@Shade17

No, not until 18 and even then I’d limit what what in the house as I dislike alcohol.

As long as you realise they’ll be drinking elsewhere long before they’re 18.

The naivety on here is staggering!!

Bagelsandbrie · 14/06/2021 07:53

Absolutely not. 16 year olds don’t need to be drinking and they certainly don’t need adults facilitating it.

SoupDragon · 14/06/2021 07:55

Yes. A few beers whilst watching football is fine provided their parents are OK land they brought their own beer. I wouldn't supply alcohol for other people"s children.

My personal boundary was that they had to be in 6th form and I would not buy them spirits.

SoupDragon · 14/06/2021 07:58

Found the feral kids' parent.

Totally ridiculous. I'm 2/3 of the way through raising my teens. They all know what "no" means but they have all grown up with sensible boundaries rather than draconian ones.

Chunkymenrock · 14/06/2021 08:00

No! 16 is too young. Crazy. Pizza, soft drinks, crisps etc fine of course, but you shouldn't be condoning alcohol to minors.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/06/2021 08:00

Yes I would allow a beer, but would check with other parents for agreement first. I would also vet the choices - nothing strong, no unsealed containers that could have had spirits added etc.

I would be supervising and would ensure there was plenty of food too. It says a lot that the kids in question have asked. Its when they don't ask and are hiding off in the woods somewhere that you have a problem.

Skengman · 14/06/2021 08:03

@Belledan1

Skengman. Please advise what age kids you have and how you are such a perfect parent??

Picking my battles.

Spending time with them consistently.

Listening to them, so I can talk to them, not at them.

Making sacrifices so that I'm not a hypocrite and there's very little 'do as I say not as I do'.

There's more, but those are the main 4. And there's no such thing as a perfect parent, but I'm good enough.

HTH

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 14/06/2021 08:05

yes, I have.

JudyGemstone · 14/06/2021 08:07

Yes, few beers is fine at that age, can’t see the harm.

UserAtRandom · 14/06/2021 08:10

@Bagelsandbrie

Absolutely not. 16 year olds don’t need to be drinking and they certainly don’t need adults facilitating it.

Yes agree - it's much better that they go down the park where there are no adults to facilitate it and lie about what they are doing.

... or actually maybe 1 or 2 beers/ciders (with their parents' permission) in the house is perfectly fine.

Liverbird77 · 14/06/2021 08:12

No, and if the mates did t like it, they could host.

bananaboats · 14/06/2021 08:17

Yes if they are sensible, and the fact they have even asked sounds like they are. Not sure how people are suggesting you get parents permission at that age though?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 14/06/2021 08:18

DS3 had a party 2 weeks ago with 15 friends to celebrate the end of y11. we bought some beer, cider & VKs for them and also some prosecco to toast with once they'd arrived.
we also got pizzas and snacks for them and & they were allowed to bring whatever they wanted.

And I had asked for each of their parents' mobile number in case therr was a problem/emergency.
it all went smoothly, they weren't even loud, nobody got vomiting drunk and they had a brilliant time.
I trust DS3 & trusted their friends to behave and look at that, they did!
I chatted with some of them and had known a bunch prior to party and I knew they were good apples.

(we have younger kids too but it never occurred to me to worry for them)

KingdomScrolls · 14/06/2021 08:23

I would if the other parents were ok with it and I would want that information directly not via teens. My parents took this attitude when I was young and I was fine, friends who had skengman type parents ended up drunk and shagging in fields. One pregnant at 17 much to the horror of her very judgy mother. It's a couple of beers to watch the football and there are adults present. It seems a good compromise.

KingdomScrolls · 14/06/2021 08:24

I would also provide the beers so I could make sure it wasn't too strong/they weren't sneaking in a homebrew etc

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