Do you allow your 16 year old & friends to drink in your home?

[DonGray]

My teen wants to host mates to watch the Euros and someone has asked if they can bring beer - I'm undecided about this

YABU - I let them drink
YANBU - no booze when I host

No, I don't think so. But I've found with these things I often change my mind when my child gets to closer to the age - I mean, years ago I decided that my kids wouldn't get a smart phone until 16....you can guess where that ended up.

But I'm going to say probably not. My 15 year old has tried alcohol (as have my 14yo) in my presence, but hosting and serving a bunch of teens is different.

I've been open with my kids. I snuck alcohol at 15 (rarely, but I did). I've told them they won't be allowed any more than a sample until they're legally allowed to drink (but in reality probably I'll relax a bit at 17). Maybe they'll do it anyway, maybe they won't, but if they do it won't be with my blessing.

With these things I tend to talk to the parents involved and present a united front to the kids.

I would want them to be having the same sort of fun I was having with my mates at that age and that involved alcohol.

I hosted a party with drink at 16 once - absolutely no parents called to check if there would be an adult present, I didn't provide any alcohol (it was what others brought from their parents, so there would have been less if fewer parents gave it), and I ended up scrubbing vomit out of carpet and cleaning up more mess than I'd have liked. I don't regret it, having one of the quarterbacks get blubbery and existential on my father's couch at 2 in the morning was an experience, but I wouldn't call the alcohol part at that age fun without heavy rose-tinting. I could do all the stupid fun things sober, but the issues that came up with drunk kids wasn't much fun for me.

I'm not sure what I'd do - my 16 year old hasn't asked yet (he's tried alcohol, though seems to have my lack of taste for it - he nursed half a glass for hours and left most of it) and with everything he's still mainly socializing online with gaming and video making. I certainly wouldn't without them being fine with either my spouse and/or I being physically present, as in in the room watching alongside which is how my spouse drank when he was underage: a group of teens eating and drinking while watching something with an adult in the background.

I wouldn't leave them to it - one of the things that really angered me growing up was adults who'd give kids alcohol or other drugs and then leave other underage kids to step in when things went south. I think if an adult gives it, we should be responsible for any negative issues that might arise and be present to do so (or make very sure there is another adult doing so) so it doesn't land on a kid's shoulders. Other than that, if everyone is 16+, I don't really have strong feelings on it. Not automatically against, though I'd probably want other adults other than me in the house so it would depend a lot on if that could be arranged.

I'm the parent of really feral kids, then... There was alcohol at DD's 16th birthday party. It was in lockdown, last year, so only 6 of them present, and every parent gave their blessing. It was only cider and prosecco watered down with lemonade, and they were all very sensible and grown up.

At the end of the day, teenagers WILL push boundaries. If I disallowed everything until she was 18, she'd probably hide it from me. This way, she learns safe boundaries with us nearby.

@bananaboats

Yes if they are sensible, and the fact they have even asked sounds like they are. Not sure how people are suggesting you get parents permission at that age though?

Dear DS/DD - I'm ok with you having your friends round and letting you all have a couple of drinks but I need to check that everyone else's parents is ok with this. Otherwise we don't do it. Can you please ask your friends to let me have their parents' mobile numbers?

... and then you text their parents.
That's what I did at DS's 17th birthday party anyway as I thought it was courteous to do so. I got a lot of "that's fine, but thanks for asking" messages in response.

Not sure how people are suggesting you get parents permission at that age though?

Ditto what @UserAtRandom just said. You ask them.

The same way you'd check about sleepovers, etc.

Yes but just a couple. You need to teach kids to drink responsibily and not make it taboo or they just get wankered some place else and put themselves in danger.

I think it needs to be watched closely. If the other parents are okay with it then how much? You don't want a bunch of drunk teens falling out of your front door shouting

ENNNNNGGGGUUUURRRLANNNND

Yes I let them drink

I've told them they won't be allowed any more than a sample until they're legally allowed to drink (but in reality probably I'll relax a bit at 17).

Depends what you define as legally allowed to drink. They can legally drink at home from the age of 5 and in a pub with a meal from 16. If you think they’re going to wait until they’re 17 you’re mistaken!

Yes. I think young people learn their limits in a much safer way if allowed to drink in the home.

oh and btw I didn't drink alcohol until I was in my early 20s, the first time I got drunk I was almost 21.
it's still not my thing, I seldom drink, yesterday I had a few sips of cider from DS2's bottle and that was it.

just saying that to highlight that I allow my kids despite the fact I didn't do the same when I was that age.

Hahaha some of the parents on here! I have a question, were you ever 16?

Of course they're going to drink at that age, best to have them home where you can keep an eye on it.

Your kids will pick up drinking habits from what they see. So if you're chugging a bottle of wine a night, that's what they will think is normal. Whether you let them drink at 16 or not!

As an adult, my eldest only drinks occasionally. My youngest has been drinking at home since about 13. A rare peach snappes at Christmas etc.

Having a healthy attitude to alcohol is about moderation. If you don't "let" them they will experiment outside the home.

Mumsnet is nuts sometimes!

It’s a balance approach. I’ve decided to bring my children up with that - in this instance I would say yes. But that’s because I know the people coming and they know the rules in my house etc

I’ve never had to clean up sick or pick up a drunk child up as they’ve grown up sensible.

The only 16/17 year olds that I’ve seen falling about and being sick are the ones who are terrified of their parents finding out. Under such control and restrictions that the one night they allowed out they make it a huge blow out & take risks.

I do say no if I’m unhappy with the suituation- for example someone older sibling hired a house with a pool - I said no as I was worried about the amount of kids going no adult supervision, pool and alcohol is not safe. Had a frank and open conversation with my at the time 17 year old - no drama with me saying no.

YABU I’d rather them do it in my home than somebody else’s!

@Shade17

I've told them they won't be allowed any more than a sample until they're legally allowed to drink (but in reality probably I'll relax a bit at 17).

Depends what you define as legally allowed to drink. They can legally drink at home from the age of 5 and in a pub with a meal from 16. If you think they’re going to wait until they’re 17 you’re mistaken!

I'm in Spain and it's 18 here.

And yes, I can't categorically say they'll wait one way or the other. But if I had to guess, I'd say they would. One of them will be 17 in just over a year and I'm reeeeeasonably sure she will. My twins (14 years) I'm dead certain they will wait. But time will tell.

I would allow it as long as the other parents knew and were okay with it.
I'd make it clear they need to be responsible and not drink stupid amounts. If they mess it up by getting drunk or being sick etc then obviously no second chance.

In theory I'd allow beer/cider so long as they were eating too and if the other parents were in agreement.

However I have a unsociable 16 year old who doesn't want to drink alcohol (though he has tried it once)!

We're supposed to check with parents of 16 year olds for sleepovers?! Madness.

My 14 year old and her friends sort things themselves when they want sleepovers. I can't imagine phoning parents of my 16 year olds mates to arrange a sleepover 😂

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

We're supposed to check with parents of 16 year olds for sleepovers?! Madness.

My 14 year old and her friends sort things themselves when they want sleepovers. I can't imagine phoning parents of my 16 year olds mates to arrange a sleepover 😂

I do! I mean, not every single time if I'm familiar with the family, but if I've not met or ever communicated with the parents before then yes, absolutely. I've done it a lot over the past year because we're new and the kids have made loads of new friends.

My kids, yes.
Other peoples minor children- no. Unless I had express permission from the parents.

Definitely yes. When I was 17 we would go every Friday to my friend's house and his mum would buy us all alcohol. It definitely kept us out of trouble and those were some of the best times.

I would.

But then my house was the hang out house for my teens, and I hope it will be for the younger ones when they hit teens as well.

Alcohol is only allowed if I know the other parent is ok with it (which means the kids making the effort to ring their parent when I’m there or have their parent ring me - it goes onto them). They also all know that anyone not allowed it - one of DD2’s friends absolutely wasn’t allowed - having any put an end to the socialising in our games room or garden and my/DH’s habit of being the group taxi for a significant period so they didn’t take the piss.

The problem I ever had was with another parent who tried to overrule my rule that they only have individual bottles or cans of drinks as iys much easier to see that X brought two cans and had drunk two cans. They wanted their kid to be allowed to bring a full bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coke because “it’s fine with me if she’s wasted and I’m her mum”.

Kept them all well away form the usual hangouts near the river.

I've had to rescue ds twice from parties where people drinking has got out of hand and he felt uncomfortable. Once when he was 15 and once when he was 17.

I hosted his 16th birthday at home and we had strict no alcohol. Ds told his friends that I reserved the right to bag search on entry and if they were not happy with that they didn't have to come. Everyone had a great time. Prior to covid I was known as the mum who allowed friends in the house. Several other parents did not.

If it was one friend whose parents I knew well enough to ask and it was one drink with food then fine. Alcohol has been allowed for my two since the age of 12/13. Dd chose to have the odd drink. Ds (who is now 17) has no desire to drink at all.

Yes I'd allow it, if I didnt know the parents really well and they were still at school I would check, 16 and at college I wouldn't check.

No way and I'd be extremely fucked off if any adult supplied my CHILD with alcohol behind my back.