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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shall I complain or just leave it?

223 replies

LemonsAreSour · 12/06/2021 20:19

I'm possibly being sensitive, hormonal and really stressed about this whole situation. However, this incident did actually upset me and I'm mortified.

I had a miscarriage two weeks ago, but today I had an appointment (large global chain store) on the high street. I thought I'd go and enjoy the sunshine.

I had some culotte shorts on and I never in a million years expected what happened next Sad

Had my appointment and was sat in the room after and I felt blood pouring out of me. I tried to get out the room quickly but as I stood up, the blood began streaming down my legs. I was stood holding my vagina Blush whilst asking to use the toilet. I was told no, but I could use the restaurant over the road or some public ones. We had a bit of back & forth debate, I was still told no I cannot use the toilet. I told him I'd had a miscarriage and needed it ASAP.

He went off for 5 minutes and I really needed help by this point so I came out of the room and asked another customer to ask for another member of staff. The customer was lovely and offered To call an ambulance and asked if I was ok etc. At this point another member of staff came over but repeated the same as the first - I cannot use the toilet but gave me directions to the public one! I told him I’d had a miscarriage, I cannot walk over there in front of everyone and I was getting quite upset. I’m not sure what happened after then but a lovely female member of staff escorted me to the toilet and waited with me until DP came.

I guess eventually I did get to the toilet but why did it take so much drama to be allowed? What if it was an elderly or disabled person? It was humiliating stood there with blood pouring out of my shorts.

I guess they’ll just blame COVID but I’m really angry. Sad

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 12/06/2021 22:11

Wow, so if it was in an opticians then that's already a bit of a medical environment, they should know so much better! I'm outraged on your behalf!

Stickyjamhands · 12/06/2021 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheilaWilcox · 12/06/2021 22:15

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I cannot imagine what they were thinking to say 'No'. What kind of person does that to someone clearly in need of help?
Training definitely needed, but how do you teach someone to be human?

Staffy1 · 12/06/2021 22:16

That's awful! Definitely complain, you were unnecessarily humiliated and caused stress. Why on earth can't people use common sense and not be such sticklers for rules no matter what.

yourestandingonmyneck · 12/06/2021 22:16

Ridiculous behaviour.

Definitely complain.

Hope you are doing ok Thanks

RosieLemonade · 12/06/2021 22:17

You poor thing. What a horrible experience. Not comparable really but my then 3 year old who often withholds poos was suddenly desperate go to the toilet in Matalan and they wouldn't let her use it because of covid. This was last summer so very few cases in our area at time. The nearest toilets were 10 minutes drive away. My poor lamb had no hope no matter how fast I drove. I gave it both barrels to their managers and called and emailed everyone I could think of.

EffYouSeeKaye · 12/06/2021 22:20

Wow, this is outrageous. I’m very sorry for your loss, op, and for the truly awful treatment you have experienced today. I would make a huge noise about it if I were you.

lotstolose1 · 12/06/2021 22:20

That is absolutely disgusting of them and I would be putting in a huge complaint and possibly going to the media (if you feel comfortable to do so). More awareness needs to be raised.

Wether it was a miscarriage or even just a period they should have allowed you to use the toilet. Or at least a private area with some tissues/wipes or something to clean yourself up so you can head over to the toilet.

I'm so sorry you experienced that Sad

upaladderagain · 12/06/2021 22:21

What an utter bastard. I'd bet any money that if he'd had a heart attack he'd expect someone to give him cpr. Unbelievable.
And I'm so sorry for your loss, and how awful that dreadful man made you feel.

SadieCow · 12/06/2021 22:23

absolute bloody idiots, I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

AngryPrincess · 12/06/2021 22:23

It doesn’t have to be a complaint. You could just explain what happened and why you needed to use the bathroom.

poorfanjo · 12/06/2021 22:24

100% complain

Ukholidaysaregreat · 12/06/2021 22:26

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Flowers I think the shop treated you awfully. I'm really pleased one of the staff was able to think about what you were going through and be there for you. Flowers

katy1213 · 12/06/2021 22:29

Why are you protecting this 'large global chainstore' by withholding their name?

lastcall · 12/06/2021 22:31

That's appalling, OP, just appalling.

Please complain to Specsavers. Perhaps tweet their shocking inhumanity at them, save for one employee.

BettyBurntBuns · 12/06/2021 22:33

Fed up of covid being used as an excuse agonist common sense.

You should make a complaint.

Original poster
LemonsAreSour · 12/06/2021 22:34

I'm relieved I'm not being dramatic.

As another poster said, it truly is like a murder scene with the amount of blood that comes out. Thankfully I did manage to get to a toilet eventually.

The staff weren't rude as such, just very robotic (even before my eye test!) it was like they had been programmed to say everything. The optometrist did say no a few times and then he wondered off and didn't come back. It all became a bit of a blur so maybe he did come back to help?

Maybe he also didn't though, I'm worrying about getting people into trouble. However I guess nobody worried about me in their store!

Shit bags.

OP posts:
SionnachGlic · 12/06/2021 22:35

That is just awful...poor you. They could see it before their very eyes & still didn't have the cop or the gumption to forego the rules in an emergency. I would def complain...put it in writing to Head Office. That is atrocious.

Cadent · 12/06/2021 22:37

Specsavers are scum, I’m not surprised. I will tweet shit to them OP

I hope you’re feeling better OP, I’m so sorry Sad

Vallmo47 · 12/06/2021 22:37

I’m so sorry, OP. This is awful.

SpeckledyHen · 12/06/2021 22:38

I’m not a complainer by nature but certainly would in this instance. You had a very obvious medical emergency.

queennotififi · 12/06/2021 22:40

If their staff can't treat people with basic respect and dignity when they need help then they clearly need some serious re-training.

So sorry you have gone through this op.

Wanttotouchflamingos · 12/06/2021 22:42

Is common sense dead these days? As a grown up adult they should know there are some circumstances where you should override certain rules. You should absolutely complain. I am so sorry for your loss and what you went through.

LondonStone · 12/06/2021 22:45

Wow OP I am so sorry this happened to you.

(Not that I agree with it but…) it’s one thing saying no sorry to someone needing a quick wee but a woman with blood pouring out of her? I’m honestly shocked on your behalf.

Take care x

littlefireseverywhere · 12/06/2021 22:46

No, this needs to be reported, medical emergency you just use common sense & accept that you need help surely? Hope you’re ok OP.