Fat shamed at the pool

[haveibeencaughtout]

I was in our local outdoor pool this evening with my DD. It's a big pool with sun loungers and a water park for kids. I got chatting to another mother. Her daughter was the same age as mine and had a mermaid cozzie on. I asked her where she got it from. Chat, chat, chat, blah, blah, blah. I was just being nice because that's what you do.

The girl then said, "Why haven't you got a man?" We laughed about it.

The mother got out of the pool and went to talk to her partner. She left her DD with me. The child had no armbands on. I was a bit miffed. The lifeguard came over and kept an eye on things. The mother and father took selfies for about 5 minutes.

Anyway, about three-quarters of an hour later, I got out of the pool with DD to go home and I was walking to get our stuff from our lounger (which happened to be next to where this family was set up).

As I was walking, this woman's husband shouted to his wife, "Hey! Now I know why!" She couldn't hear him, so he repeated it and his mate laughed while he said, "Do you get it? Do you know what I'm saying?"

For context, English isn't spoken here and he heard me speaking English to my DD, so I think he thought I didn't understand. As I approached, I tried to glare at him. I sat on the lounger and tried to pluck up the courage to say something. I then took my DD to get dressed and had a little cry in the car and wondered if I should sit and wait for them to come out. I've obviously thought of a million things I could say to him since.

Anyway, I'm really upset about it. I am very overweight. I've lost 15 kilos recently, but still have a long way to go. It's the truth. I'm fat. I don't look good in a swimming costume. But it takes a lot of courage to put that to one side to take my DD (aged 3) swimming. I didn't do it for the first year of her life and felt so guilty about it. We go once a week now and she loves it. She swims like a little fish and I feel awful about not doing it sooner.

If I see him again, should I say something? There's a good chance I will see them there again. AIBU for feeling so down? I just feel like I don't want to go back. I feel shit about myself. I was feeling quite positive about life this afternoon and now I'm all teary.

Can totally see why it upset you, but honestly he means nothing.

"Unpleasant man voices vile opinion about stranger because he thinks they can't understand him". That's all that happened, it just happened to be about you because you were there.

People like this have all sorts of small minded things to say about all sorts of people. You wouldn't listen to him if he started making horrible 'jokes' about short people or ugly people or any other person. Please don't give him another iota of your brain space. You are busy being a good mum and anyone who wants to poke fun at that can jog on.

Being called fat is the worst feeling. So ridiculous- call me ugly, thick or be rude to me ?
Fuck uou and the horse you rode in on

Make me think you’re looking at me cos I’m fat? Make a comment about my weight? Totally humiliating and devastating

When you ARE fat, you bloody know you are and it’s yet still so incredibly hurtful and embarrassing to have it pointed out

Big hugs op - as they alllllways recommend we say … you can lose fat, he can’t lose a nasty personality

@gumball37

I'm super fat. And I'd rather be the super fat mom in a swimsuit than the skinny mom by the pool refusing to get in with her kids.

Oh and you're probably single because you have higher standards than that woman... Hers are obviously quite low.

Quite! And how horrible to grow up with parents like that, judging and mocking everyone. The daughter will be lucky if she does not grow into a shallow little airhead. This is how internalised misogyny works.

He sounds vile. I can totally understand why you were upset. I wouldn’t lower myself to speak to him but would inwardly thank goodness that I didn’t have a man like that in my life

I’m a size 24 and go to the pool … and the gym …. I couldn’t give a shiny shit about what anyone there thinks.

Fucking bastards that they are. They'll always be assholes, whereas your body status could change!

The best comeback I've heard to a situation like this was

"I may be fat, but you're ugly. And I can lose weight." Boom!

Seriously though OP, good for you getting out there and getting active and keep at it! Ignore assholes and unkind people.

I just popped back in to say that these men are the sort to also share horrible racist, disablist, misogynist and homophobic “jokes” whether you want to hear them or not as well. They are mini acts of violence intended to stun you and leave you feeling so vulnerable that you either say nothing (becoming complicit), or explode and look hysterical. Literally nowhere to go with this… It’s this unkind laughing “at” people that makes them feel bigger and better than others. They obviously have some psychological need to prop their egos up at the expense of others. Horrible, horrible man. He’s obviously never going to be happy.

@gumball37

I'm super fat. And I'd rather be the super fat mom in a swimsuit than the skinny mom by the pool refusing to get in with her kids.

Oh and you're probably single because you have higher standards than that woman... Hers are obviously quite low.

Bravo! Absolutely brilliant post and spot on! X

So there’s a man who is quite happy to leave his child around a swimming pool with no armbands, in the care of a complete stranger, while he and his wife take selfies, who then bellows vile comments about other women across the pool to his wife. He then has to ask her if she got his joke. And you’re feeling negative about yourself? Wtf? He’s odious! He and his wife should be the ones worrying about whether they see YOU again! I’d have been mortified if I’d been with someone who had acted like that.

You get back in that pool with your head held high. You’ve done fantastically well to lose that weight and you’re obviously a brilliant mum to make sure that your DD gets to swim (not to mention making sure that she’s not left unsupervised near a pool). If you see him again, then you treat him like you’d treat any other thing that you didn’t want to step in.

I was once berated in the street by a woman who overheard me saying something to my son - she thought it was about her but we were talking about a character in a movie. She looked like a perfectly normal, nice woman, with her family, but no amount of explaining would change her mind. I expect she felt much as you do op, and probably still does when she thinks about it. For that reason, I would say that you cannot possibly know what they were talking about, you just think you do.

I am overweight and know that sometimes people are going to be unkind, so I have a couple of comments in my head ready to go and I occasionally practise them . So, next time you're out and it happens you are prepared. Keep it simple, something like , " At least I can lose weight, you'll always be a .......word of choice, my preference being the worst one I can manage, especially if children are present.

Feck him bloody arsehole. Don't let him or anyone makes you cry.
It is understandable why you got upset, I'd be bloody livid if I was overhearing this from anyone.

Well done on losing 15kg... don’t let the bastard get you down. You’re a good Mumma and your DD loves you as you are. Believe me... I’m single, overweight but my DDs have told me I’m beautiful and their opinion is the only on that matters x

Think back. I bet he was no Adonis either hey? Just a cunt probably who can't afford armbands x