Fat shamed at the pool

[haveibeencaughtout]

I was in our local outdoor pool this evening with my DD. It's a big pool with sun loungers and a water park for kids. I got chatting to another mother. Her daughter was the same age as mine and had a mermaid cozzie on. I asked her where she got it from. Chat, chat, chat, blah, blah, blah. I was just being nice because that's what you do.

The girl then said, "Why haven't you got a man?" We laughed about it.

The mother got out of the pool and went to talk to her partner. She left her DD with me. The child had no armbands on. I was a bit miffed. The lifeguard came over and kept an eye on things. The mother and father took selfies for about 5 minutes.

Anyway, about three-quarters of an hour later, I got out of the pool with DD to go home and I was walking to get our stuff from our lounger (which happened to be next to where this family was set up).

As I was walking, this woman's husband shouted to his wife, "Hey! Now I know why!" She couldn't hear him, so he repeated it and his mate laughed while he said, "Do you get it? Do you know what I'm saying?"

For context, English isn't spoken here and he heard me speaking English to my DD, so I think he thought I didn't understand. As I approached, I tried to glare at him. I sat on the lounger and tried to pluck up the courage to say something. I then took my DD to get dressed and had a little cry in the car and wondered if I should sit and wait for them to come out. I've obviously thought of a million things I could say to him since.

Anyway, I'm really upset about it. I am very overweight. I've lost 15 kilos recently, but still have a long way to go. It's the truth. I'm fat. I don't look good in a swimming costume. But it takes a lot of courage to put that to one side to take my DD (aged 3) swimming. I didn't do it for the first year of her life and felt so guilty about it. We go once a week now and she loves it. She swims like a little fish and I feel awful about not doing it sooner.

If I see him again, should I say something? There's a good chance I will see them there again. AIBU for feeling so down? I just feel like I don't want to go back. I feel shit about myself. I was feeling quite positive about life this afternoon and now I'm all teary.

We were speaking French in the pool (to the mother and child). I'm bilingual. I only speak English to DD when one-to-one.
I was only left with the girl for 5 minutes while they were taking selfies. Then the mum got back in. The dad and his mate stayed sunbathing. The lifeguard was annoyed.

There teaching there kids go be nasty which to be honest just shows how shallow they are think about it are the opinions of people like that worth your tears? Normal people don’t bat a eyelid at anyone shape size height whatever

OP, some nasty, misogynistic men will always find a way to make nasty, misogynistic comments to put women down. I've come across people like this all my life. It makes no difference if you are fat or thin, beautiful or plain.... In fact some of the worst comments I've heard about myself and my appearance were when I was young and beautiful. Nasty, insecure little men. Ignore and see them for who they are.

I can understand you and what happened perfectly.

The man was incredibly rude and offensive. I am angry for you! What a shit.

But you’re doing an AMAZING thing, losing the weight, doing something that you don’t love for the good of your DD. You’re actually living a good lovely life.

I would be upset too. You have had a horrible thing happen to you, so have your tears but remember you can lose the weight and feel great. He will Always be a small dick man with a very low sense of self and social awareness. He deserves your pity and nothing more.

Welldone for losing 15kg!! There are some vile people out there sadly, don't let them put you off though op. I know it's hard but pay no mind to those losers!! Xx

My friend years ago was heavier then I am but was always so confident. In a club once a guy remarked on her derrière! She walked over to him and said ‘you’re only intimidated because you wouldn’t know what the hell to do with me ‘ she kind of shuffed him with her gorgeous derrière and laughed 😂
Me? I had no idea what to say to the bloke . I’m very unconfident and was way smaller then her and she oozed confidence.
I found out it did upset her but she was letting them win . Their small minded ignorant halfwits . Do nothing waste your lovely energy on them please xx

So they did know you could understand French.

Look, they're cunts. Your a nice lady. Don't think any more about it.

She was letting them win . I knew in that moment she would be a friend for life . I honestly have never felt so proud of a friend .

@haveibeencaughtout

I suppose you had to be there. I've not written it well. It was about me. If you'd been there, you'd have known it was about me. It was the unusualness of the girl's question. We all thought it was funny. The mum then got back in the pool and didn't leave. There was no other conversation. Or anyone else at that side of the pool. It was a joke. About me. About my weight being the reason I don't have a man. It wasn't about my face, or personality or nationality or politics. He was laughing at my weight.

You made perfect sense, pp are just being goady.

I think you should just make a point of speaking in the local language next time you see them and don't bother bringing up the comment. Like Michelle Obama said "when they go low, you go high".

Also, I think the friend was uncomfortable because there's an unspoken rule that you never never fat shame people while they are actually in the middle of exercising. Even the most judgmental, anti body positive people understand this. A guy almost got beaten up a few years back for making a 'witty' comment that a woman should use one of the newer (bigger more robust) treadmills. The entire gym turned on him.

I don't think anyone there would've been judging you, they would've been judging the asshole so please go back with your head high.

He sounds like an absolute arsehole!

They sound like morons, and since when was 'getting a man' dependent upon weight?

I live in Ireland and go swimming a lot and believe me, there are loads of people who are overweight. So many that they are actually in the majority. I mean, most people are either going swimming to a)lose weight or b) accompany kids. Many women with young children carry weight due to pregnancies or PND etc. I don't think people in gyms, pools even notice any more tbh. You were just unlucky that you encountered some utter dickheads, probably the sort of men who shout abuse in the street or from cars. Don't let it discourage you from swimming.

That's so hurtful. Words can hurt. You sound like a wonderful Mummy and you should be proud of yourself for going out of your comfort zone to make her happy. Fuck him. He's nothing.

Honestly, he’s a bloody loser! Please don’t listen to people like this.

I always have a massive amount of respect for people who may feel body conscious who do it anyway be it swimming, running etc (I am also overweight).

Live for you not these arseholes x

What I'd also add is that if you do go to the pool again and they are there and make you feel uncomfortable staring and laughing, speak to the staff. Most public places nowadays have anti-harassment policies.

French
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I’d rather be ten tonne than have his dogshit personality, or even worse be married to him!

However, the view is better from the higher ground and his humour says far more about him than you.

Next time you see him, give him the finger and no free babysitting!

I bet this guy and his mate are perfect male specimens themselves 🙄 what a twat. So sorry this happened to you OP, please try not to dwell on the comments of stupid morons like this!

There are so many unkind people in this world. I am so sorry that you came across one like this. Its says so much more about him than you. A horrible thing to say.

Misogynist prick… There’s always one! (Or more…) I have been obese. It’s horrible. I wouldn’t have even been at the bloody pool, so you are much braver than me! I have lost 60kgs, so I know how hard it is to lose the weight and stick to your new lifestyle. Especially when everyone you know seems to go through life stuffing themselves with everything they like. Can you imagine how embarrassed you would be if you were HIS partner??? Ugh!

You might have got it wrong OP.

I once worked in retail and was talking to a colleague while we were waiting for something to process at the till.
Then the customer suddenly got very upset and said something about how she's not one of those customers and that she wouldn't be like that because she works in retail herself.

I don't know what she thought she heard but it was completely inaccurate and I actually ran after her as she left the shop to let her know that I hadn't said anything about her.

The customer hadn't even done anything that would be considered rude or anything by retail staff so I wouldn't have even had any reason to say anything about her yet she somehow heard something I didn't say and took it extremely personally.

Many years ago I had quite bad spots and pimples which came and went. I was living in a flat at the time and one day I washed my hair and went to sit in the communal garden to dry it. An older neighbour said rather patronisingly that it was a "pity" about my spots as they entirely spoiled my looks. I told her "Well my spots will probably go with treatment but you are stuck with your nasty personality for life." She got up and walked away and we never spoke again.

Well done with your weight loss so far your doing so well!

I wouldn’t bother saying anything, but not because he doesn’t deserve it. It’s not worth your energy

YANBU - tell him to fuck off

I'm super fat. And I'd rather be the super fat mom in a swimsuit than the skinny mom by the pool refusing to get in with her kids.

Oh and you're probably single because you have higher standards than that woman... Hers are obviously quite low.

Balls to him,you sound lovely OP and he was a CUNT and bloody well done on your weight loss it's not bloody easy and you are doing amazingly!