Fat shamed at the pool

[haveibeencaughtout]

I was in our local outdoor pool this evening with my DD. It's a big pool with sun loungers and a water park for kids. I got chatting to another mother. Her daughter was the same age as mine and had a mermaid cozzie on. I asked her where she got it from. Chat, chat, chat, blah, blah, blah. I was just being nice because that's what you do.

The girl then said, "Why haven't you got a man?" We laughed about it.

The mother got out of the pool and went to talk to her partner. She left her DD with me. The child had no armbands on. I was a bit miffed. The lifeguard came over and kept an eye on things. The mother and father took selfies for about 5 minutes.

Anyway, about three-quarters of an hour later, I got out of the pool with DD to go home and I was walking to get our stuff from our lounger (which happened to be next to where this family was set up).

As I was walking, this woman's husband shouted to his wife, "Hey! Now I know why!" She couldn't hear him, so he repeated it and his mate laughed while he said, "Do you get it? Do you know what I'm saying?"

For context, English isn't spoken here and he heard me speaking English to my DD, so I think he thought I didn't understand. As I approached, I tried to glare at him. I sat on the lounger and tried to pluck up the courage to say something. I then took my DD to get dressed and had a little cry in the car and wondered if I should sit and wait for them to come out. I've obviously thought of a million things I could say to him since.

Anyway, I'm really upset about it. I am very overweight. I've lost 15 kilos recently, but still have a long way to go. It's the truth. I'm fat. I don't look good in a swimming costume. But it takes a lot of courage to put that to one side to take my DD (aged 3) swimming. I didn't do it for the first year of her life and felt so guilty about it. We go once a week now and she loves it. She swims like a little fish and I feel awful about not doing it sooner.

If I see him again, should I say something? There's a good chance I will see them there again. AIBU for feeling so down? I just feel like I don't want to go back. I feel shit about myself. I was feeling quite positive about life this afternoon and now I'm all teary.

When you walk to the pool edge, feeling self conscious or embarrassed, tell yourself - ‘this is how much I love my daughter, and I feel pretty fucking good about that’. Then enjoy every minute of your quality time together.

You’ll lose the weight (if you want), whereas he’ll always be a dickhead who’s not worth the space in your head.

Shoulders back, head high, and be bloody proud of what you’ve achieved. That’s an amazing weight loss and do not let that a-hole get to you. Keep going to the pool and having fun 🤩

Thank you for your kindness. I'll sort myself out after a good night's sleep.

I lost 15 kilos by cutting out all the crap. I try to eat unprocessed food. That's it. I have to be quite strict about it though. I don't obsess about calories, but I eat whole foods and full-fat dairy. I still have a long way to go. The thing is, I've got loose skin on my lumpy legs now. I've decided to just forget about that for the moment. I just want to be a healthy weight so I can live longer. That's my goal. If I can be healthy and fit (even if I'm still a bit fat), I'll be happy. It's not about looks for me. It's about being around for DD.

Right, I'll get a grip now. Balls to him. If I had said something, it wouldn't have gone well, I imagine. My DD didn't understand what was going on. I shouldn't have had the little cry in the car in front of her. I'm cross at myself for that as well.

Thanks again everyone. You've given me a boost. Sorry for being a moany pony.

OP, I too am confused, what made you think you were fat shamed? You haven't said that he called you fat, thinking that you wouldn't know what he was saying because you are English, and as others have said he could have been talking about something completely different, unless of course you left out something which would make more sense of the whole post.

Congratulations on the amount of weight you've already lost, and stand tall and be proud of what you've achieved, don't let ANYONE make you feel bad about yourself, you're doing great!!

Dirty little fucker was obviously looking at you, lecherously, waiting for you to get out of the pool to stare at your arse. And I bet he got a chub on, too. be glad he isn't your dp and you don't have to shag him 🤮🤮🤮 sounds like a right prick who eyes up other women whilst with his wife and daughter, then makes derogatory comments to compensate for his own shortcomings. Don't let this little prick make you feel bad for being a good mother and enjoying time with your daughter.

@Gringlewald

When you walk to the pool edge, feeling self conscious or embarrassed, tell yourself - ‘this is how much I love my daughter, and I feel pretty fucking good about that’. Then enjoy every minute of your quality time together.

Good advice.

OP next time greet him in his own language. Enough said.

It's not your job to supply eye-candy for random men to drool over.

Who gives a flying f_ what rude, judgemental idiots think?

Just live your life as you want to and to hell what others think or say.

What a bunch of cnuts!!! If this really was directed at you then they should be ashamed their backward mysogynistic attitude. Please don't let these degenerates stop you swimming. I used to go to a lake with my fat aunts every summer and they loved it and had no shame and I loved it too
with them. They would have laughed in the face of these douch bags. please don't worry and enjoy swimming with your daughter

I don't think I would mention anything, but if he made any kind of derogatory comment about again. I would look him square in the eye & tell him to go fuck himself.

Sorry if it's not clear. I suppose you had to be there. And maybe I haven't written it very clearly.

Little girl asked why I didn't have a man.

My fat ass got out of the pool (I am obese - it's obvious - all arse and legs).

The dad said, "Now I know why."

So, he didn't out and out call me a beached whale, but I knew exactly what he meant. There was nobody else around. He thought he was being witty. His mate got it. He was a bit worried I'd understood, but also very pleased with his joke.

I hung around for a bit glaring at them and trying to think if it was worth saying anything. The mate told me my daughter had pretty eyes because I think he was feeling awkward.

Yabvu for giving a crap about what some horrible man thought. He wasn't even decent enough to be concerned that his little kid was in the pool alone. Anyone like that isn't worth a minute of your thoughts, so yes pull yourself together and do what you want and be proud.

He's a knob.

Don't let him put you off swimming. It's good for you as well as your daughter.

I used to go to a particular pool at the same time every week about 3 or 4 years ago. One week a group of very obese people arrived for a swimming session looking very embarrassed. They struggled with all the activities. I think it was a course organized by the health service (I'm in a different country) to tackle weight problems.
Anyway, it was amazing to see the progress of those people. As each week came around they became more and more confident and were soon swimming several lengths. After 6 months all of them had lost absolutely tons of weight.
Anyone who laughs or makes jokes at people is a complete knob and not worth a second thought. Though of course I know it is very hurtful. I have something about my appearance which people make snide comments about.

You keep at the swimming and ignore the knobs.

I'm lost with the story.

In the first post OP you say "The mother got out of the pool and went to talk to her partner. She left her DD with me"

Then in your second post you say that "she stayed on water the whole time"

Hi OP! It is possible that he was talking about something unrelated and as it’s an insecurity of yours you automatically assumed it was directed at you. That being said I do find when things are about you, you tend to just know that’s the case. Sort of gut feeling I guess.

Regardless of which it is, you are putting your insecurities aside and spending quality time with your daughter doing something you both enjoy. Not many woman are comfortable in a swimming costume after having kids so you aren’t the only one at the pool feeling self conscious. Don’t allow judgemental strangers to upset you. If they were indeed referring you it says more about them and is a terrible example to set to their child. I would simply rise above it if you do ever see them again.

Hope you are okay

I'm hoping the mate was embarrassed by his friend. I also hope the Mum gave him Hell later for being such an arse...
He sounds a complete waste of space.

God he sounds like a disgusting arsehole. I’d be just thinking “you stupid chav, instead of making comments about me, why don’t you make sure your daughter doesn’t drown and get some armbands on her!”

People like that OP aren’t worth the minute it takes to even ponder it. I once was in a cinema and got up to go to the toilet walking through the aisle

Some kids on the back row shouted earthquake at me as I was walking up the steps 😢 I was 12 stone and 5ft4, so slightly overweight but I’d lost stones before that and had started to feel good! And it knocked me for six.

But it’s one person out of 7 billion, and more people will always think you’re lovely than those who don’t.

Pretty eyes, commenting on your size, no man. Sorry but this sounds like the most backward and characterless looks over substance people! Fuck them and get to know some genuine ones. Should you see them again give them all a swerve.

Honestly try not to dwell on unkind comments from this twat. You can always lose weight, should you chose to, whereas he will always be a twat.

Be kind to yourself and enjoy swimming with your child.

Well he’s an arsehole and therefore his opinions and insults are meaningless as he has no value as a human.

He and whatever shit comes out of his mouth is worthless. I pity the poor woman who is married to him & honestly think (although obviously easier said than done..) you should let it go, or at least feel a bit smug that you are better than them & thank your lucky stars it’s not him or his poisonous personality you have to wake up to every morning!

@MadMadMadamMim

I don't understand why you thought you were fat shamed - or even why you thought this man was talking about you?

From what you've said he could have been continuing a conversation about anything.

In the nicest way, I think you've over thought this one.

This

Put a line through it and move on OP.
People obsessed by appearance are not worth your energy.
Keep swimming with DD & also drop the guilt for not doing it before, it's only at this age & older they can really get into it safely anyway. She sounds like she's doing very well!!

People who are genuine don't care about your weight, people who do aren't worth the time of day.

Sorry you have had someone say this it's totally unacceptable.

So they were alright judging you but perfectly happy to leave their DD in your care without asking and no armbands? These dickheads can get to fuck. If anything, pity them for their parenting failures and shitty attitude. Poor kid.

Your story is really confusing and I agree with others that I'm not sure where the fat shaming comes in.

He literally could have been talking about anything - you seem very self-conscious about your weight and I wonder if you're reading much more into this than there actually was?

The wife was not nice and weird to be discussing you like that & the husband was horrible to make such a joke if you can call it that.
I wouldn't bother making any conversation with any of them if they are there again when you are. Ignore them and concentrate on your daughter and you. Well done on your daughter swimming so well. Thst and your weight lost is brilliant.
If he does attempt to openingly make distasteful remarks about you again, maybe consider reporting them to a manager of the pool.
He should be told to stop or leave.