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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you were genuinely surprised when your partner proposed?

115 replies

summersun20 · 10/06/2021 21:04

Were you genuinely surprised when your partner proposed? Or deep down did you either know on the day that they were going to, I.e came across nervous/ you were in a certain location or place and knew what was going to happen in advance?

I always wondered whether it was obvious before hand, on social media some of the videos I have seen, there is a genuine element of actual surprised and shock.

I have been with my dp 6 years and we've discussed getting married and what our wedding would be like a lot recently. I can read him like a book and I genuinely don't know how he will surprise me with a proposal without me twigging on before hand!

Also rings!! Did they get the ring size right? This baffles me, my dp would never be able to guess my ring size and I don't usually wear rings.

I very much welcome any stories on how they proposed too - a nice pick me up after a bit of a rubbish week.

Just a fun light hearted thread =)

OP posts:

ilovebagpuss · 10/06/2021 21:38

I was surprised, we had gone to Florence for our 10 years since first date anniversary which also happens to be Valentine’s Day.
Because we met young 10 years didn’t seem long to have been together as there was uni in between and things so I wasn’t thinking it’s about time or anything.
We went to loads of the classic sightseeing spots.
We sat having a massive G&T at a bar and he got down on one knee and proposed.
He had a ring and it fit as he had nicked one I already had for size.
He said he was going to propose at one of the sights but it was too busy and I would have hated a public proposal.

catfeets · 10/06/2021 21:40

My engagement to my ex was planned - I chose the ring and he knew not to surprise me. I would absolutely hate to have that witnessed and he knew it.

Second time, it was a complete surprise. It was a couple of days after getting out of hospital with a poorly newborn. In hindsight it was obvious as he was insistent we go out for a walk at the place we had our first date despite me doing nothing but complain about the weather. Also explained why it took him so long to go home from the hospital and collect a list of things - he'd been to the jewellers to pick up a ring (which I didn't like and exchanged).

ShirleyPhallus · 10/06/2021 21:43

In real life, people say they’ll get married and then the man proposes anyway

On mumsnet, if you discuss hypothetically getting married one day you are officially engaged and can go about organising your £2 wedding

WhatsTheEffingPoint · 10/06/2021 21:44

Completley surprised. We had been together for 13yrs and always said we didn't need a piece of paper. So fast forward to a day out to a place I love and out comes the ring, I'm ashamed to say I actually swore at him because i was so surprised. We flew out on holiday for two weeks the next day.

The ring was a '£15 cheapy' that he got until we could go together to pick something and he was only 1 size too big.

paddler78 · 10/06/2021 21:49

We'd talked about it on and off for a while but he still totally surprised me on a beach in the moonlight in Florida it was perfect- ring didn't fit perfectly (family heirloom) but we got it resized when we got back x

Strokethefurrywall · 10/06/2021 21:53

I was completely surprised. We’d been together nearly 2 years and were living together (renting) and had a dog but I was completely shocked as DH is 5 years younger than me and I didn’t think he’d want to marry for a while.

Dropped down on one knee on Christmas morning and proposed. Been married 11 years next week.

Longdistance · 10/06/2021 21:55

Well, after two weeks of dating, dh said he wanted to go to Iceland for a break. After telling him it was mega expensive for booze. He said ‘we’ll just have to save it for honeymoon’.
Anyway, about a year later dh popped the question in Antigua.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 10/06/2021 22:17

He gave me a really beautiful bracelet as a present, with a long rambling speech about why he'd chosen it for me and how I could always sell it if I didn't like it, but he had to buy it for me, blah blah blah. I did actually love it.

Then he went home. I sent him a message that night saying 'I love my bracelet, thank you.' He replied 'I never actually got round to proposing today, did I?' I told him to bugger off. I'm not sure if that counts as a proposal?

Littleone638 · 10/06/2021 22:18

I was surprised, I knew he’d do it at some point but I didn’t expect it on that particular holiday. He’d bought the ring with him but hadn’t decided where to do it until we’d walked through a particular square earlier in the day. Apparently he’d been shitting it at security on the flight out in case he got his bag searched 😂

SwimBaby · 10/06/2021 22:19

We’d been together 3 months and it was the week before Christmas, my now DH phoned me and said he’s doing his Christmas shopping and what would I like? I said an engagement ring and he came home that evening with the perfect ring. That was over 26 years ago and we’re just about to celebrate our silver anniversary.

SenecaFallsRedux · 10/06/2021 22:30

In real life, people say they’ll get married and then the man proposes anyway

Not us. We just gradually began to discuss marriage, and then one day the discussion led to a mutual decision to do it. Three months later we did. No big fancy proposal. I think he knew I would not want that. It's a mutual decision, and for me, not something that a woman should have to wait for a man to do a big ASK.

possumgoddess · 10/06/2021 22:44

No - cos I proposed to him!

TurdCrapley · 10/06/2021 22:54

We discussed getting married. He always said he wasn't ready. Then we were abroad on our first holiday (after 2 and a half years together!) and he did it on the beach in the morning. He'd said to me the day before that he thought marriage was pointless😂just to throw me off the scent. I had no idea and laughed through his whole proposal cause I thought he was taking the piss. I wasn't wearing any make up, hair in a messy bun, just wearing shorts and a T-shirt. It was perfect🥰he got it all on the go pro too!

We get married next month🥳

JaceLancs · 10/06/2021 23:05

I have been engaged more than once - although only married one of them - I’ve never been proposed to with a ring!
It’s been more of a ‘let’s get married’ or ‘should we get engaged’ type conversation then going to choose ring together
Most memorable one was in the middle of an argument - can’t even remember what about but he just said ‘this is stupid - I fucking love the bones of you - why are we falling out about xx - will you marry me?’
Not exactly Instagram worthy

JorisBonson · 10/06/2021 23:07

Total surprise. On holiday in Japan. The ring was much, much too small.

zaema · 10/06/2021 23:08

Yes I was totally surprised because I’d only known him 3 months! We were on some cliffs by the sea in Italy walking and there was a seat. So he said, “would you sit down here for a moment,” then, the next thing, he was on one knee and I realised he was proposing with a whole speech about how I’d changed his life and how he would take care of me. He gave me a diamond solitaire which was slightly big, but exactly what I would have wanted. I just wore it in a different finger in case. Still together 18 years later and 4 children and he’s done exactly what he said he would do. I had no idea he was going to propose that day, but thank god he did!

SoddingWeddings · 10/06/2021 23:14

Ha, not even a little bit surprised.

We'd looked at rings a few months before and decided on a couple for him to chop between with sizes noted.

He was so set on going to a particular place on a particular date "for a walk" which I wouldn't have found in the least suspicious if he hadn't harped of about what time we were leaving to arrive there - he

GloriousMystery · 10/06/2021 23:16

@ShirleyPhallus

In real life, people say they’ll get married and then the man proposes anyway

On mumsnet, if you discuss hypothetically getting married one day you are officially engaged and can go about organising your £2 wedding

The only person I know who did this was a secretary several jobs ago who was going around telling everyone she ‘was getting engaged for Valentine’s Day’, was then outraged that her boyfriend proposed a day early (apparently overexcited because the ring they’d bought and sent to be resized had come back), and she hadn’t had her pre-planned manicure in time. The manicure was apparently necessary for showing off the ring during a weekend of scheduled engagement visits. She and the boyfriend — a man I met several times and literally never heard speak — had already done at least a couple of seasons of wedding fairs by then, and were planning more, and touring venues. Getting married had become her job.

DramaAlpaca · 10/06/2021 23:18

I knew he was going to propose, but he managed to take me by surprise with the timing. We went out for dinner that night and ring shopping the next day. We've been married over 30 years now.

Lovetoridemybicycle · 10/06/2021 23:18

Totally surprised, such that I may have said "fuck off' in a suprised way, not nasty way. He had a pair of earrings for me as he knew I would want to choose a ring. We had been together 6 years by then. Now married for 20

justsayso · 10/06/2021 23:22

We had discussed marriage and he had dropped hints about looking forward to calling me his wife, which sounds really ridiculous written down but sounded nice coming from him as I always thought I hoped we would get married.
Anyways over lockdown number one we went to buy some livestock from a little farm in the mountains. We camped outside in their field and went for a walk after dinner, I had been ranting about fly tipping and littering in the countryside, and then about cows, and basically just being my loudmouth self.
We came to a trig point at the top and he made me stand on top of it, when I looked down he'd got a ring in his hands!
I was surprised but all the time in the days before I kept getting a weird vibe he was going to propose even though he hadn't spoken to me about it and had been very secretive.
Getting married next month. Wish me luck!

Lovetoridemybicycle · 10/06/2021 23:23

So glad it's not just me that swore in suprise

80sMum · 10/06/2021 23:33

There was no proposal for me!
We were out for a walk on a Saturday afternoon and were contemplating what we might do if/when I left the area to go to college in another town (I had just finished school and was awaiting my A-level results at the time). We decided we'd like to continue with the relationship, so the best thing would be to get married. So we got engaged the following week, went shopping and bought a cheap, crappy ring because we had no money!

LemonSwan · 10/06/2021 23:39

I was genuinely surprised. We were walking through the woods and I was rambling on about some outrageously ridiculous news article horror story (probably from somewhere like the Daily Fail) akin to 'Man eaten by Pack of Swans' or something.

Turned around and there he was on his knee just laughing at my ramblings. It was quite fitting and similar to when we first got together; me rambling on about people believing in the illuminati and him saying 'just shut up and kiss me'.

bargelights · 10/06/2021 23:59

@SenecaFallsRedux

In real life, people say they’ll get married and then the man proposes anyway

Same here. If my then partner (now DH) had proposed, I would have been very surprised indeed and I wouldn’t have liked it one little bit. I didn’t want a proposal or an engagement ring or anything like that. The idea that a woman has to hang around waiting for a man to make this monumental decision has never had any appeal for me.

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