To not want visitors in hospital after giving birth

[pearlsandpetals]

Hi all, just wanted your thoughts on this because there are some family members who I think believe this is quite selfish of me. Basically I'm due to have a baby later this year and have been thinking a lot lately about what I want in terms of the birth and afterwards. I've decided that I don't feel uncomfortable having visitors in the hospital shortly after giving birth as I will likely be feeling exhausted and will want time with my partner to bond with our new baby. I also don't want anyone apart from my partner and my parents to know when I am going into labour. I would feel so much more at ease knowing that we can welcome visitors when and where we are ready to. What do you all think?

After a long labour and EMC, I wasn’t really up for visitors but didn’t say no. Was beginning to wish I had but thenl I got an unexpected pair of visitors out of normal hours. My BIL and his partner, neither of whom spoke very good English had flown from their home in Mainland Europe, train and bused it to the hospital which was not a straight forward journey, to see me and their nephew. The nurses let them in out of visiting hours. I loved that.

Firstly you never need to tell people you are in labour. So don't tell anyone if you don't want to. On my first baby I loved having visitors. I loved the company. Newborns sleep all the time and it's a lonely and weird time. So I'd play it by ear. On baby no 2 and 3 I didn't particularly want visitors as I was enjoying the peace and rest away from my other DC but I found after DC1 people aren't as interested in visiting anyway 😀😀😀.

Re the visiting, I’m not saying ban visiting, I’m just saying stick to visiting hours. Some good old fashioned sisters/ matrons keeping people in line if they disturb the new mothers or try to overstay.

Plus allowing women to close their curtains when they want, none of that hoiking them back when they are closed.

Sympathetic and kind to the mums - look after them a bit - and strict with visitors is what is called for. It seems to be the wrong way round in some hospitals!

@Checkingout811

Personally I couldnt wait for my parents and in laws to meet our babies and “show them off” but if you don’t want them to then just don’t tell them. I don’t know why your family even know your plans though to judge? Just keep it to your self and, if they for some reason ask, just say you don’t know yet?

I’m the same. I was so excited and proud to show off my new baby to mine and DHs parents. It was so exciting and wonderful. But then we were close to both sets of parents …

I couldn’t because of COVID restrictions and my time in hospital was AWFUL, I was hot, sweaty, in pain, bleeding, had my boobs out constantly trying to get baby to latch I was sooo glad I had no visitors at the hospital. I had my family over 2 days after settling in at home and it was the best decision and I’ve already said to hubby no family at hospital next time even if the restrictions are over.

@Crazycatlady83

Interestedly the hospital I am giving birth at have conducted research throughout the pandemic and saw breastfeeding rates increase by 86% which they believe was due to the exclusion of visitors. They are considering extending the ban on visitors permanently because it has been so beneficial. So even if general hospital rules are relaxed, postnatal wards may have competing factors to keep the "no visitors rule" as they are because they have benefits previously unknown.

On the postnatal ward I was on in august all 4 of us had curtains open breastfeeding so definitely think that may be true. We seemed to be taking it turns buzzing the midwives for help latching etc and knowing other women are in the same boat gave me more confidence to keep going. Little one is now 11 months and we are still breastfeeding.

I wanted my mum asap after my traumatic birth (not my mil who turned up uninvited as I was wheeled back from theatre) She came first thing untill my partner got there. You might change your mind see what happens.

Our bodies are the ones that go through pregnancy and birth not the men.So we should be able to make the rules. So yes in-laws do come second.

@JudgeJ

Our bodies are the ones that go through pregnancy and birth not the men.So we should be able to make the rules. So yes in-laws do come second.

There is absolutely nothing unreasonable at this at all! I had said from the start, no visitors at the hospital (thanks to Covid for having my back on this!). Some people were absolutely fine about it, others didn't like it but you are the parent, and you will be the one who will be trying to rest after birth and beginning to bond and care for your baby so your decision should be respected. My midwife actually told me that you can request no visitors as part of your birth plan and this way the ward know not to allow anyone (expect your partner or a named person) in to see you. X

I felt the same way. I did not want visitors. But I was in for 3 days and to be honest once I had had some rest I couldn't wait to show him off and had some lovely emotional moments with in-laws at the hospital. Don't commit to anything and then just ring people when you are ready.

It really is up to you, you are not being selfish. I was the opposite. I was induced over 4 days, laboured for 26 hours and had an emergency c-section, but was still eager for visitors as soon as possible (single mum so I was pretty lonely). That's what made me happy and comfortable. If you want it just you and your partner, then that is how it should be. Everyone has plenty of time to see the baby.

[quote pearlsandpetals]@SmidgenofaPigeon no you read that correctly. The reason for this is that MIL will tell everyone. We told her not to share our pregnancy news when we were only six weeks pregnant and regretted it instantly as she completely ignored our wishes and told everyone. I told myself that she will not be knowing when we go into labour for this reason. I want my parents to know because ultimately they are the ones who have supported me.[/quote]
So from the ourset, due to her oversight a d excitement, you wish the divide to be yours and his. Yours being la creme de la creme his being shit on essence?

YABVU. Its better to have parents and inlaws who want to be involved than not imo.

How do you think your oh will take this in the longterm? Atm he's doing what you say as he sort of has to. But then when resentment grows over this and the other bits of chipping away at his family... Be careful as you could find that in no time, you're split and it's the mil with unfettered access to your child 50% of their life! Play the long game. Not tit for tat.

Yanbu. I had my Son on Boxing Day last year (first day of lockdown) but was induced on the 22nd. Had to tell PIL because we might have needed someone to pick up our Christmas food order. We asked them not to tell anybody as I didn’t want anybody to know and be texting me every day. Less than half an hour later I’d had a text from BIL about the induction We were absolutely furious. ( Not the first thing she had done), then as soon as he was born her first words were “can we tell people now?” Umm no!

It’s hard with a newborn but having that time as a family together is so lovely, I didn’t have to pretend I didn’t feel like shit or to make an effort for people. We also go allll the cuddles. You do what you want to do, it’s your baby and your decision.

Are his parents not allowed to know? Why the secrecy?

YANBU
I banned all visitors. I felt hideous after and needed time to recover.