DH passing over responsibility again

[blarbed2]

Just having a first world problem rant...

My DS has a tiny brown circle on his finger from when he feel off his bike a few days ago. It is slightly swollen but he says it doesn't hurt. My MIL has totally over-reacted and says he needs to go to the doctors. I told my DH I think it's nothing and will go away, and that's it's embarrassing going to the docs over something so small. I tell him to leave it and see what happens.

So my husband rings the doctors this morning and I think - OK, he can deal with it if he wants.

Then tells me he's working all day and about to go on a 3 hour conference call. He knows there's a call-back service at the doctors. So I then receive the doctors call and they want to see my DS today. They are going to call me back 'shortly'.

I'm now stuck in my sons bedroom as it's the only room in the house with phone signal, waiting for a call, even though I've got tons to do elsewhere. My DH is working, so I'm going to have to fit this docs appt in between my clients today (also working).

Just another example of how him taking responsibility for things, falls back onto me....

Why didn’t you just say no? He started it, he finishes it. He’ll keep treating you like unpaid staff as long as you let him.

So TELL him that you are working too and that as he has arranged this then he should be making sure that he is available to deal with it.

That is an irritation. I do agree that it is a first world problem

He manipulated you into doing this.
You need to say no !!
You've just accepted it and he's controlling what happens.

Why does his work take precedent?

Why do you both not agree on your sons welfare rather than one or the other taking the lead ?

Does he ignore your opinion and do what he wants often ?

I feel there's more to this, like this represents how your relationship operates.

Is he working from home? I'd just go in and pass him the phone if he is because you saying "again" makes it sound like this is a common occurrence.
Does he always do everything his Mum tells him?

You need to be firmer with your dh. That's definately a case of him setting your agenda and refusing to take responsibility.
I'd make the point to your dh that if the doc needs to see the dc then he will be taking the kid as he has so far caused big disruption to your working day without any co sultation or consequence to his day.
If you don't take a stand he will keep walking all over you.

You should have told him no. Why are you sitting in a room waiting for a call you don't think is needed? That's madness.

Jesus Christ. Do you not have a voice?

How hard is it to say "I'm working, you decided to call the doctor, you deal with it. Here's the phone."

And walk away.

Grow a back bone. He's doing it because you wont say no.

The problem is that I can't actually talk to him! He's on a really long zoom call. I'm now left talking to the doctor and being the one making the arrangements.

If we disagree over something, then rather than me putting my foot down and making him do it my way (which I don't let him do to me, if it's something I'm certain about), I take the attitude that if he's that bothered he can do it himself....in theory. I thought that he'd do this himself. Annoying!

We do argue about this quite often. As he will start something...mess it up and I end up completing or fixing it. Ooooo married life.

Ooh that would annoy me! Say no and leave the mobile for him to deal with

But you could talk to him when he came and told you. What was he going to do? Chain you in the room and glue the phone to your hand?

Why didnt you immediately say, "no, I'm working. You decided he needs a doctor, you called the doctor, you deal with it. I'm doing wasting my day".

You chose not to.

OK, just read a few more posts - I can't go in and pass him the phone. He's quite senior in the company and these will be meetings he would not want to be embarrassed in.

Can granny not take him, as she's so sure it's an issue?

This isn’t married life. My husband wouldn’t dream of disrespecting my time like this.

This is your selfish rude husband taking the piss. Don’t tarnish other men or marriages because it won’t make you feel better about yours.

You’re going along with it, that’s your choice. If you don’t change then nothing else will. You’re literally letting him dictate your time and compromise your work. That’s just ridiculous.

Off topic but presumably you've got decent WiFi if DH is doing Zoom calls. So why don't you use wifi calling if you only have phone signal in one room of the house? Or use a landlines?? How does DH who is in a 'senior position' manage to take work calls when you only have phone signal in one room?

@blarbed2

OK, just read a few more posts - I can't go in and pass him the phone. He's quite senior in the company and these will be meetings he would not want to be embarrassed in.

Quite senior is he?

Doesn’t want to be embarrassed? He might be the big boss at work but when it comes to your family you should be equal.

Is this just a pointless vent?

He's quite senior in the company and these will be meetings he would not want to be embarrassed in.
So? Then he shouldn’t have asked for a call-back on a day he had meetings.

I would have said to the doctor surgery that today wouldn't work for your family as you're both working. I would have then left DH to rearrange another time if he's that eager.

I would be furious. You are being respectful of the fact that he is working and he is not showing you the same courtesy.

I would not go in with the phone as I wouldn't embarrass anyone at work. But I would phone and cancel the doctors call and get on with my day. He can rearrange when he is available.

OP,
You are accepting this treatment so of course he will continue.

He knows EXACTLY what he is doing.

He clearly doesn't respect you or your job.

He sounds like a plonker.

Think hard about having another child with a man who has so little respect for you.🤷🏻‍♀️

A woman with self respect would walk in a drop your child on his lap to sort out with the phone.

He would think twice about doing it again.

But you are probably afraid to do that.
Why would you be afraid is the next question?

Good men do not do what your husband does.

Have a think about THAT.

Can you enable WiFi calling on your mobile to boost your signal so that you can use your phone in other rooms?

I’m very senior in my company. Doesn’t mean I get to think that my wife’s time isn’t as valuable as mine. I would never do this to her unless we had agreed, or it was a genuine one off emergency and I was incredibly apologetic.

@billy1966 it is called being an adult. Not having no self respect. If before covid would she have driven to his office barged past reception, waltzed into the meeting room and gave him the phone? In these covid wfh times going into a zoom meeting is much the same thing.

The husband has been thoughtless and inconsiderate and they need a conversation to set boundaries going forward. Not a tantrum.

Call the doctors, explain you're waiting for a call back but they have to call on your DH's mobile number and then crack on with your day.

If they call him and he doesn't answer, that's his problem to resolve.

This is not a problem for you to resolve, so bat it back to him and walk away.