DH passing over responsibility again

[blarbed2]

Just having a first world problem rant...

My DS has a tiny brown circle on his finger from when he feel off his bike a few days ago. It is slightly swollen but he says it doesn't hurt. My MIL has totally over-reacted and says he needs to go to the doctors. I told my DH I think it's nothing and will go away, and that's it's embarrassing going to the docs over something so small. I tell him to leave it and see what happens.

So my husband rings the doctors this morning and I think - OK, he can deal with it if he wants.

Then tells me he's working all day and about to go on a 3 hour conference call. He knows there's a call-back service at the doctors. So I then receive the doctors call and they want to see my DS today. They are going to call me back 'shortly'.

I'm now stuck in my sons bedroom as it's the only room in the house with phone signal, waiting for a call, even though I've got tons to do elsewhere. My DH is working, so I'm going to have to fit this docs appt in between my clients today (also working).

Just another example of how him taking responsibility for things, falls back onto me....

Don't answer the phone and get on with ur day. He can call and rearrange when he is free to take the call back 👍🏻

Does the doctor think it's urgent so someone has to go or can it wait?
Dh should have negotiated with you first. Arse

Are you working this afternoon? If you are then you are not available to take the appointment. (If not I'd do it and deal with dh later).
When the doctor rings book the appointment appointment after the 3 hour call is finished. Drop a note to your husband with the time of the appointment and the number to call if he needs to amend and that you are working so he will need to continue what he started.

This evening you need to insist on the setting up of a shared diary. You need to know when he is on immovable calls. But he also needs to respect your working time. Who is looking after the kid today or are they at school?

It's difficult when the doctors are involved with a kid but I'd be very tempted to simply ignore the call. And I would very defiantely be telling my husband this evening that if he did the same to me again then I most definately be ignoring the call and that he would have to deal with the consequences.
What did you say when he said he was working all day - I think you needed to say "And what about this doctors call back - are you going to take the phone with you so you can sort as I'm working too"

Message him and say you’re happy to arrange the time of the doctors appt if he lets you know by x time what time he just free to take DS. Add that if no time is suitable today you will give doctor his mobile so he can organise it.

Any complaints just remind him that this was his idea and he needs to follow through

@blarbed2

The problem is that I can't actually talk to him! He's on a really long zoom call. I'm now left talking to the doctor and being the one making the arrangements.

If we disagree over something, then rather than me putting my foot down and making him do it my way (which I don't let him do to me, if it's something I'm certain about), I take the attitude that if he's that bothered he can do it himself....in theory. I thought that he'd do this himself. Annoying!

We do argue about this quite often. As he will start something...mess it up and I end up completing or fixing it. Ooooo married life.

Nope, not married life.

I'd not let DH pull that shit, not that he'd try. He's senior in the company, so what? Maybe a bit of embarrassment will teach him that he can't pull that kind of shit without consequences, otherwise he'll just keep doing it.
He's being a twat, it's up to you whether you enable him or not.

@blarbed2

OK, just read a few more posts - I can't go in and pass him the phone. He's quite senior in the company and these will be meetings he would not want to be embarrassed in.

That's his problem, not yours, surely?

@Sally872 that assumes she was a sahm. Op has already said she is working today so presumably if they were both working out of the house the DH would have taken that into account either that or the doctor would have been ringing an empty house.
All this wfm is somewhat blurring boundaries. Especially for those with "Big Importnat jobs"!

This would infuriate me. I don't know what the answer is but if this was me and DH, there'd be a huge argument this evening I think.

[quote Sally872]@billy1966 it is called being an adult. Not having no self respect. If before covid would she have driven to his office barged past reception, waltzed into the meeting room and gave him the phone? In these covid wfh times going into a zoom meeting is much the same thing.

The husband has been thoughtless and inconsiderate and they need a conversation to set boundaries going forward. Not a tantrum.[/quote]
Yes, thanks Sally.

Yes it probably is a pointless rant! Said I was ranting.

I mentioned we do argue about this. I'm not a walkover - I'm constantly raising this issue of him not taking responsibility an things falling to me.

When he said he was ringing the doctors, I did not know he was in meetings all morning. He told me that after as he trundled upstairs. Unfortunately, I was engrossed in my work at the time and only half listening.

I don't have an unlimited data package (only have a small one) and have no idea how to boost signal with data. My DH does have an unlimited data package, and most of his calls seem to be internet related (they call each other on Teams or Zoom). He also gets a phone signal in his office. There is no phone signal downstairs, so I'm stuck upstairs.

If he doesn't want to be embarrassed in his meetings then he shouldn't arrange for something embarrassing to happen during his meeting

You are enabling him by taking the call. When the GP calls, just take the phone in to him and hand it to him.

Phone the GP back and cancel it and if you're worried take him to the pharmacy for them to look at it. It does sound a bit OTT

Just go about your day and if the call comes through answer it, and if it doesn’t, oops?

Honestly this would have me reading the riot act and a warning if he ever does this to you again you WILL interrupt his meeting.

It is complete disregard of you and your role and seeing you as of lesser importance.

Personally I would ring Dr back and give them dh's mobile number..
If he doesn't answer then too bad. Ds does not even need an appointment..

@LittleOwl153

Are you working this afternoon? If you are then you are not available to take the appointment. (If not I'd do it and deal with dh later). When the doctor rings book the appointment appointment after the 3 hour call is finished. Drop a note to your husband with the time of the appointment and the number to call if he needs to amend and that you are working so he will need to continue what he started.

This evening you need to insist on the setting up of a shared diary. You need to know when he is on immovable calls. But he also needs to respect your working time. Who is looking after the kid today or are they at school?

It's difficult when the doctors are involved with a kid but I'd be very tempted to simply ignore the call. And I would very defiantely be telling my husband this evening that if he did the same to me again then I most definately be ignoring the call and that he would have to deal with the consequences.
What did you say when he said he was working all day - I think you needed to say "And what about this doctors call back - are you going to take the phone with you so you can sort as I'm working too"

Yes, some good ideas here, thank you.

I'm not a walkover - I'm constantly raising this issue of him not taking responsibility an things falling to me.
Simply raising the issue and nothing changing and you STILL picking up the slack again does mean you’re a walkover. Sorry. He’s doing this because he can, because he knows blarbed will pick it up, she’ll do it because I won’t. Stand your ground and stop picking up the balls he is dropping. You should have told him under no circumstances were you dealing with the doctors today, he arranged the cell back he needs to excuse himself from the meeting for 10 minutes and deal with it. This won’t change unless you do.

id just get on with my day. If you dont get the call then the doctor will just call the next person on the list.
You dont have to go along with what he wants

Just don't answer the call. Your DH can call tomorrow if he wants the doctor to see it and, in the meantime, I'm sure you're sensible enough to work out if your son needs emergency treatment.

Your mistake was to get involved at the start. Next time, pretend to be the housekeeper and say you'll get Mr Blarbed2 to call back when he's free.

If the GP wants to talk about your son's injury then one of you has to take the call and be a parent and if he won't do that because he is the more important person, (which is incredibly immature of him) then for the sake of DS its probably going to be you again this time. However once this is out of the way you have to take this up with him big time, when there's no negative consequences for your son.
Your DH has been infuriating. He's acting as though you are his personal assistant. but then when there's time you need to have a VERY serious talk with him about:
Involving your mother in law - she can stop interfering. He has listened to her and not you and then acted accordingly,
saying he was going to deal with it and then dumping it on you
Even stuff like organising the home signals more equally when you are both working from home and you not having enough phone data to deal with issues like this when they are dumped on you. If his job is so important his company can pay to install better connections.
You are equals and this situation is not equal.

@LittleOwl153 I am not assuming sahp at all I realise OP works and dh is very wrong. My point is if you wouldn't suggest physically going to office and storning in (forget the time or inconvenience) then you shouldn't suggest interrupting zoom meeting.

But the OP is also working. Were she in the office, her DH wouldn't have been able to just tell her to take the doctor's call.

Also, I'd add the "he's really senior so can't be taking calls" thing is complete bollocks and demonstrates that he doesn't really think it's that important that DS sees the doctor. I don't care how senior he is, if he thinks DS needs to see a doctor he should bloody well be prioritising that over any call. And a simple, "sorry, I might need to step away from a minute if my son's doctor calls" at the start of a call is more than sufficient in June 2021.

This has irrationally annoyed me to a ridiculous level when you consider that this is not my husband nor my DS!

Depending on the nature of his work, I dont think taking a 5 minute break in a 3 hour meeting to take a quick call from a doctor about your child, is unacceptable. Maybe if he is hosting training for a large number of people or formal interviews or something then no, but for most meetings, its ok. I work in a corporate environment, finance related, and in meetings with our customers I've said I am waiting on a doctors call back for a child and may need to dip out for 5 min. It hasnt been an issue. I think in your case I'd have just said no, or just not answered the call. Or called the doctors and said you didnt need a call back. Certainly not sat in a room and waited for something that I didnt even think needed to be done. Why are you doing this?

OP,

This is part of a pattern you write.

So whatever you have said is not being taken on board.

Actions have consequences.

This is what you have to teach children.

There is one adult in your relationship and it's not him.

He does what his mummy tells him but dumps the actually task to YOU.

So I repeat, a woman with self respect would take action and interrupt HIS work day.

Perhaps then the penny will drop.

He has zero respect for YOU or YOUR job.

Have a think about that.

Either don't answer the phone or cancel the appointment and hive his number but for goodness sake take action.

This IS NOT married life.

It just is for SOME women who accept the bullshit you are accepting.

I really mean all of this kindly.
He won't improve if you don't bring consequences to his desk/door.

@GreyEyedWitch

I would have said to the doctor surgery that today wouldn't work for your family as you're both working. I would have then left DH to rearrange another time if he's that eager.

This is the best option. Don't make an appointment for today. Make one for tomorrow and tell Dh if it doesn't suit him he can call them back and rearrange for a time that does suit him. No way should you be stressing to fit in an appointment between your clients. Your Dh clearly has no respect for you and your job.