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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disabling comment to Ds

103 replies

Comefromaway · 09/06/2021 22:47

I’m asking here not Education or SEN as I want to guage general opinion

Ds is 17 and autistic. In his class at college is a conspiracy theorist, anti vax, anti masker.

Yesterday he was told by her that if I hadn’t have vaccinated him as a child he wouldn’t be autistic. He told her to F off. (Inappropriate response I know but that’s autism for you)

Should we complain? He thinks it’s going over the top. I want it logged for his own protection. She already made a complaint he was victimising her because one day during January lockdown on zoom after she’d been going on about how Covid isn’t real (not long after a family friend lost their mum) he ripped her theories to shreds using science/logic.

OP posts:
SionnachRua · 09/06/2021 22:49

Fuck off is a perfectly appropriate reaction to that bullshit! I think it's no harm to email the college about it. Get in there before she does, if she decides to come after him.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 09/06/2021 22:53

@SionnachRua

Fuck off is a perfectly appropriate reaction to that bullshit! I think it's no harm to email the college about it. Get in there before she does, if she decides to come after him.
I guess so but at his previous school he was always in more trouble for reacting than the person who goaded him so I guess that mindset has been ingrained in us.
OP posts:
PixieDust28 · 09/06/2021 22:53

Oh my goodness. Actually I think he replied with exactly what he should have.

How dare she make such a claim. I'd be complaining ASAP. Your poor DS.

BlatantlyNameChanged · 09/06/2021 22:54

I'd speak to the college, they need to manage the situation before it escalates.

PixieDust28 · 09/06/2021 22:55

To add, someone with her mindset who can have influence on younger children shouldn't be working in the setting she works in.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 09/06/2021 22:56

It’s a fellow student

OP posts:
DeathByWalkies · 09/06/2021 22:56

Telling her to fuck off was completely appropriate Grin

I'd email the college - best to get his side of the story in first, especially when this other person has such unhinged ideas.

Does the other student have SEN too?

Checkingout811 · 09/06/2021 22:57

Absolutely complain for all the reasons listed above plus to reassure your son that she is talking absolute bullshit!

As a mother with an autistic son who is always hearing this kind of crap, this really hurts.

Verbena87 · 09/06/2021 22:57

Definitely log it. Also, your son sounds great and I wish I’d heard his takedown of her ‘covid isn’t real’ nonsense.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 09/06/2021 22:57

Not as far as I know. (Ds has a pretty good ND radar but you never know).

OP posts:
SingingInTheShithouse · 09/06/2021 22:58

His response was perfectly reasonable when faced with that crap.

I'd also flag it to the college.

Charmatt · 09/06/2021 22:58

He treated her with the contempt she deserved!

Apparently, according to one churchgoers in our village, if we'd gone to church more my son wouldn't be born with ASD, global developmental delay, juvenile myoclonic epilepsy and Fetal Valproate Syndrome - what an unforgiving God, eh?

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/06/2021 22:58

Is this the teacher? In which case, absolutely report to the college. If it’s a classmate then ultimately, your DS will meet plenty of people in his lifetime who have different beliefs and opinions to his - and some of them will be wrong and some of them he’ll find offensive. I’m not sure what writing to the school will achieve - some people do believe that vaccines are linked with autism, and they’re wrong of course, and if somebody tells them to fuck off then that’s the consequence of sharing that opinion; but I don’t think the belief is disablist in itself.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 09/06/2021 22:59

@Checkingout811

Absolutely complain for all the reasons listed above plus to reassure your son that she is talking absolute bullshit!

As a mother with an autistic son who is always hearing this kind of crap, this really hurts.

He’s quite active/vocal on Reddit groups that discredit this sort of rubbish. He’s already counting down to his 18th birthday when he can get a Covid jab. For someone with difficulties writing he formulates really good arguments on there.
OP posts:
TotallyObsessed4 · 09/06/2021 23:00

Inappropriate response I know but that’s autism for you

I wouldn't say that's a ‘Autistic’ thing, more of a human thing.

But no YANBU it’s hate speech and must not be tolerated. Yes I would complain. I know I would if someone said something to my child.

Also the word is ablest/ableism not Disablelist as I see so many people say. The reason is because ableism means they have a problem with how abled you are, not that your disabled. Just to let you know

parietal · 09/06/2021 23:00

definitely make a complaint

Original poster
Comefromaway · 09/06/2021 23:01

@ComtesseDeSpair

Is this the teacher? In which case, absolutely report to the college. If it’s a classmate then ultimately, your DS will meet plenty of people in his lifetime who have different beliefs and opinions to his - and some of them will be wrong and some of them he’ll find offensive. I’m not sure what writing to the school will achieve - some people do believe that vaccines are linked with autism, and they’re wrong of course, and if somebody tells them to fuck off then that’s the consequence of sharing that opinion; but I don’t think the belief is disablist in itself.
My fear is that she complains about him again. Years ago he was subject to bullying, disablist comments at his previous school but because we’d not made a fuss it was him who was asked to leave.
OP posts:
CaptainCarp · 09/06/2021 23:02

I'd have told her to fuck off to!
Usually I'd think, he's at college he's of an age where he can "deal with" things himself.
However with her previous behaviour I'd say email the college & let them know what she said. There may be a track record of disabilist comments from her & she may try to claim she was a victim of 'abuse' from him.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 09/06/2021 23:03

The irony is that he actually was given single vaccines not MMR

OP posts:
CaptainCarp · 09/06/2021 23:05

Oops just seen TotallyObsessed's post!
That should be *ablest comments from her then.

Emmylou1985 · 09/06/2021 23:24

His response was not inappropriate at all. Good for him.
But yes, speak up for him. Whoever said that to him is poisonous and needs to keep their tin foil hat BS to themselves.

nocoolnamesleft · 09/06/2021 23:45

Your son sounds pretty awesome. She sounds like an idiot and a bully.

korawick12345 · 09/06/2021 23:54

I think it sounds like your son gave a completely appropriate response and handled it very well. You could contact the college but I would be guided by what your son wants in this situation.

Almondcroissant25 · 09/06/2021 23:55

Get it written down in an email and ping it to the college. Say that you want it on record in case similar incidents happen in future. Say that you would like the girl in question to be spoken with (if she’s soo enlightened, why is she goading a child with a disability??) Say you will take no further action currently but if she continues to upset and belittle your son and make light of his disability, you will be forced to take matters further.

(Obviously you don’t need to take matters further, but the college won’t know what you mean by this and it may make them sit up and take note)

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 10/06/2021 00:01

I'd be dropping his tutor and the pastoral lead an email telling the ds responded robustly to someone suggesting his autism was caused by his parents' vaccination choices.

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