Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disabling comment to Ds

103 replies

Comefromaway · 09/06/2021 22:47

I’m asking here not Education or SEN as I want to guage general opinion

Ds is 17 and autistic. In his class at college is a conspiracy theorist, anti vax, anti masker.

Yesterday he was told by her that if I hadn’t have vaccinated him as a child he wouldn’t be autistic. He told her to F off. (Inappropriate response I know but that’s autism for you)

Should we complain? He thinks it’s going over the top. I want it logged for his own protection. She already made a complaint he was victimising her because one day during January lockdown on zoom after she’d been going on about how Covid isn’t real (not long after a family friend lost their mum) he ripped her theories to shreds using science/logic.

OP posts:
Muchasgracias · 10/06/2021 09:51

I’d fight fire with fire here. She wasted no time in complaining about your DS after he presented a counter argument which for whatever reasons she reported as victimisation by your DS.

Do exactly the same and report back and get this in writing.

Summerfun54321 · 10/06/2021 09:55

Fuck off was a spot on response. Definitely tell the college, you want it on record in case they have another dispute which sounds likely.

Kjr33 · 10/06/2021 09:59

Nothing wrong with his response, sounds like maybe he wants to handle it his own way though? I wouldn’t complain but I would encourage him to make sure someone else knows what she said is there a tutor or something he could just have an informal chat with to just have it recorded but not taken any further?

FunnyWonder · 10/06/2021 10:04

@SinkGirl That Tim Minchin clip is brilliant!

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 10:17

I have taught students that age and comments such as 'you are autistic because your parents did....' would not be regarded as ok in school or college.

I never said it was ok. It’s not. But they both sound as argumentative about covid and vaccines as each other. He told her to fuck off, good for him. They both need to grow up and realise that in a college or work setting you shouldn’t be getting into arguments like this. And it’s a bit weird that at their age, they’re so invested in arguing about covid. They should be concentrating on their college work and doing whatever they enjoy.

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 10:18

How did he end up on a zoom call arguing about covid?

Original poster
Comefromaway · 10/06/2021 10:28

@MrsBongiovi

How did he end up on a zoom call arguing about covid?
It was whilst the colleges were closed. They were in an online class and were sent into breakout rooms to discuss their work. This girl started to disrupt the conversation and started going on about covid conspiracy theories. Ds argued back. They were both reprimanded for going off track.
OP posts:
30mph · 10/06/2021 10:28

Get it 'logged' with the college just to be on the safe side.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 10/06/2021 10:32

They both need to grow up and realise that in a college or work setting you shouldn’t be getting into arguments like this.

To be fair to him if someone at my work had started going on and on about how covid doesn't exist and it's all a government conspiracy (she is apparently relentless) etc etc ON THE SAME WEEK as someone we knew died of it I think I'd argue back too.

OP posts:
MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 10:33

Comefromaway

She does sound like a troublemaker. I think you should strongly advise your son to not engage with her. She probably loves getting a reaction from him. Obviously she’s wrong but your son does need to control his reactions better as you’re always going to meet idiots on life. I think it’s important that you listen to your son if he doesn’t want you to go to the college. You could insist he informs his tutor/coach or whatever they have just so that they’re aware.

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 10:37

To be fair to him if someone at my work had started going on and on about how covid doesn't exist and it's all a government conspiracy (she is apparently relentless) etc etc ON THE SAME WEEK as someone we knew died of it I think I'd argue back too.

I do understand that. But realistically, it hasn’t helped. This girl is clearly extreme or enjoys the wind up. And you just can’t display those behaviours in college and work settings, no matter how stupid the other person is. You do have to learn to ignore people.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 10/06/2021 10:43

I understand that. But to ask an autistic person not to react is very, very hard. You tend to deal with facts, black and white a lot and cannot let thing go.

OP posts:
babbaloushka · 10/06/2021 10:45

Contact college, absolutely. She needs to be taught this is unacceptable.

wed8pril · 10/06/2021 10:46

@MrsBongiovi

I have taught students that age and comments such as 'you are autistic because your parents did....' would not be regarded as ok in school or college.

I never said it was ok. It’s not. But they both sound as argumentative about covid and vaccines as each other. He told her to fuck off, good for him. They both need to grow up and realise that in a college or work setting you shouldn’t be getting into arguments like this. And it’s a bit weird that at their age, they’re so invested in arguing about covid. They should be concentrating on their college work and doing whatever they enjoy.

Him telling her to fuck off in response to a disablist comment is not as bad as making a disablist comment.
babbaloushka · 10/06/2021 10:47

@MrsBongiovi

To be fair to him if someone at my work had started going on and on about how covid doesn't exist and it's all a government conspiracy (she is apparently relentless) etc etc ON THE SAME WEEK as someone we knew died of it I think I'd argue back too.

I do understand that. But realistically, it hasn’t helped. This girl is clearly extreme or enjoys the wind up. And you just can’t display those behaviours in college and work settings, no matter how stupid the other person is. You do have to learn to ignore people.

She can't display those behaviours in work settings either! In my company, HR would tear her to shreds for such a comment and I suspect she would lose her job. It's not the fault of the disabled victim to managed their behaviour in the face of this.
Underhisi · 10/06/2021 10:47

"I never said it was ok. It’s not. But they both sound as argumentative about covid and vaccines as each other."

It is not covid and vaccines that are the big issue. What she said was an abilst comment and bringing people's parents into it is a red rag to a bull with teenagers and is deliberate baiting.

VeganCheesePlease · 10/06/2021 10:51

I don't have autism, and if I have been there and heard what she said I would have told her to fuck off too.

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 10:52

He can’t argue every time someone disagrees with him. Is this college the best place for him and meeting his needs if he’s getting into disagreements? I wouldn’t be happy with the disruption it was causing him and other kids, like the other kids in the break out group in January.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 10/06/2021 10:53

I think it's a good thing he learns to deal with it (and fuck off sounds about right to me as a reaction to that idiocy) but you should also log it with the school. Her comments are completely inappropriate in a work/education environment (they'd be bloody stupid in any environment).

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 10:55

babbaloushka

Then you need to not react and report it. Once you are drawn into the argument, as OPs son found out in January, he got in trouble too.

Underhisi · 10/06/2021 10:58

"He can’t argue every time someone disagrees with him. Is this college the best place for him and meeting his needs if he’s getting into disagreements? I wouldn’t be happy with the disruption it was causing him and other kids, like the other kids in the break out group in January."

I wonder if you would have the same thoughts if it wasn't about disability.

Charmatt · 10/06/2021 11:00

Great clip, thanks @SinkGirl Grin

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 11:01

I wonder if you would have the same thoughts if it wasn't about disability.

That you can’t just argue in professional settings? Of course I would. I don’t engage with idiots and I’d report if I felt it necessary.

This girl is an idiot.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 10/06/2021 11:02

@Underhisi

"He can’t argue every time someone disagrees with him. Is this college the best place for him and meeting his needs if he’s getting into disagreements? I wouldn’t be happy with the disruption it was causing him and other kids, like the other kids in the break out group in January."

I wonder if you would have the same thoughts if it wasn't about disability.

Blame the disabled kid why not?

There was lots of disruption in those zoom calls. Ds actually prevented some of it by his knowledge of how zoom works (the teachers were still learning and hadn't realised there were settings to stop others ending the meeting. Ds actually managed to be quick on several occasions and take control of the admin settings to prevent others kicking random people out/ending meetings.

It's a practical subject they are studying and not much could be done on zoom anyway (ds is lucky that it's his special interest so we have all the tech equipment at home in a home studio)

OP posts:
TotorosCatBus · 10/06/2021 11:02

Fuck off is the perfect response.

Swipe left for the next trending thread