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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disabling comment to Ds

103 replies

Comefromaway · 09/06/2021 22:47

I’m asking here not Education or SEN as I want to guage general opinion

Ds is 17 and autistic. In his class at college is a conspiracy theorist, anti vax, anti masker.

Yesterday he was told by her that if I hadn’t have vaccinated him as a child he wouldn’t be autistic. He told her to F off. (Inappropriate response I know but that’s autism for you)

Should we complain? He thinks it’s going over the top. I want it logged for his own protection. She already made a complaint he was victimising her because one day during January lockdown on zoom after she’d been going on about how Covid isn’t real (not long after a family friend lost their mum) he ripped her theories to shreds using science/logic.

OP posts:
SamMil · 10/06/2021 11:02

I would be proud of him for sticking up for himself.

But I would also definitely report this to the college.

RestingPandaFace · 10/06/2021 11:03

I’d normally say leave them to it, but actually if she’s complained about him before I would get his side in first, if you point out the discriminatory and ableist nature of the comment college should take it seriously.

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 11:06

Blame the disabled kid why not?

Not at all. I would just want my child supported properly. Clearly putting him in the situation of a break out room wasn’t something he could deal with. So the college we’re wrong to do that. The girl should have been disciplined, but as they both argued, they had to then discipline both of them. That’s seems unfair due to your sons autism. The truth is your son shouldn’t have been put in that situation in the first place in my opinion.

Branleuse · 10/06/2021 11:06

I think telling her to fuck off is a completely appropriate response.

I would try and talk to him about not getting too involved in debates with extremists, as it goes nowhere and just gets everyone wound up. Tell him that these people arent worth it.
Is he any good with humour?
Im autistic and when i got my jab I told everyone I was leveling up my autism

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 11:08

And the college not knowing how to work zoom and therefore not being in control...they sound shit.

Catforaheadrest · 10/06/2021 11:09

An absolutely disgusting comment!!

Please, please raise this with the college (who will approach this in a much more mature way than a school). Imagine if this was said in a workplace!

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 10/06/2021 11:10

@3Britnee

Should we complain?

To who? What do you expect to be done? She's entitled to her own opinion.

She's not entitled to spout ignorant, bigoted nonsense without repercussions.
Original poster
Comefromaway · 10/06/2021 11:11

He can cope fine with a break out room. It was this girl who tried to disrupt everything, not him. Maybe explains why ds says she's really behind with all her assignments whereas he has handed his in early.

OP posts:
wed8pril · 10/06/2021 11:11

@MrsBongiovi

He can’t argue every time someone disagrees with him. Is this college the best place for him and meeting his needs if he’s getting into disagreements? I wouldn’t be happy with the disruption it was causing him and other kids, like the other kids in the break out group in January.
Victim blaming at its finest.

Would you be suggesting that it was his fault and that he leave college if she had made a racist comment?

Original poster
Comefromaway · 10/06/2021 11:13

Oh there were plenty of those from her last year wed8, when she was supporting Trump. Not just from her actually from several on his course which is why socially he's started hanging round with a group of students on another course. (He's only just been allowed to do this because of bubbles)

OP posts:
MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 10/06/2021 11:14

Being told to fuck off would be the least of her worries if she said that to my child. 😳

Excilente · 10/06/2021 11:15

as a fellow Autist, and Autism Mom, absolutely log it/complain, 100%, its disablist, discriminatory, inflammatory and bullying.

BishopBrennansArse · 10/06/2021 11:16

I'm unable to prevent myself responding and I'm 43 and autistic. Holding autistics up to NT standards is ableist in itself. HTH.

I'm with those who say you need to report the little madam. Play her at her own game.

Also, OP, for reference both my boys (17 and 16) have been immunised already with Pfizer as their autism means in my area they qualify under group 6. Perhaps as your GP if this is possible for your son?

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 11:16

He can cope fine with a break out room. It was this girl who tried to disrupt everything, not him. Maybe explains why ds says she's really behind with all her assignments whereas he has handed his in early.

But he couldn’t ignore her and just think ‘what a twat’. The college shouldn’t have put him in that situation. And the fact the college didn’t know how to use zoom and therefore be in control. This ended in your son being in trouble. They’re badly letting your son down.

BishopBrennansArse · 10/06/2021 11:17

"He can’t argue every time someone disagrees with him. Is this college the best place for him and meeting his needs if he’s getting into disagreements?"

You can't hold autistics to NT standards. That's why we are so disabled in society.

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 11:19

Victim blaming at its finest.

I’m blaming the college. And obviously this girl. Presumably the college know this lad has autism and should be supporting him. They should be more lenient towards him that to this girl and show understanding of his reactions. I wouldn’t be happy with the college at all.

Underhisi · 10/06/2021 11:21

"Not at all. I would just want my child supported properly."

Do you have a child with autism?

BishopBrennansArse · 10/06/2021 11:22

Since mine went to secondary school I've learned that schools and colleges can't legislate to get rid of wankers and their opinions. Sadly.

It's how they deal with it that really counts. For example my DD's school have just suspended someone that consistently and persistently dicks about with her electric wheelchair and snipes at her that she's not really disabled as she can walk a bit.

So they can't stop the actions of said wankers but the way they deal with it makes the difference. Otherwise the injustice burns.

MrsBongiovi · 10/06/2021 11:23

Why are the college not dealing with this girl when she’s regularly saying racist things and things offensive to disabled people? But they’ve disciplined your child for arguing back? I’d be livid. Again, the college sounds awful.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 10/06/2021 11:23

@BishopBrennansArse

I'm unable to prevent myself responding and I'm 43 and autistic. Holding autistics up to NT standards is ableist in itself. HTH.

I'm with those who say you need to report the little madam. Play her at her own game.

Also, OP, for reference both my boys (17 and 16) have been immunised already with Pfizer as their autism means in my area they qualify under group 6. Perhaps as your GP if this is possible for your son?

Unfortunately not in my area. They are are saying severe learning difficulties only. We are close to a surge area and it is possible to go to a pop up clinic but only if you are 18.
OP posts:
billy1966 · 10/06/2021 11:25

@MobyDicksTinyCanoe

Being told to fuck off would be the least of her worries if she said that to my child. 😳
This.

Well done to your son.

She is in a position of authority and forcing her awful views on her students.

I wouldn't hesitate to kick up a massive stink.

She needs to be firmly told to STFU by her manager.

Continue to support your son.
He shouldn't have to put up with this.
Also she has complained him, what's good for the goose.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 10/06/2021 11:29

@MrsBongiovi

Why are the college not dealing with this girl when she’s regularly saying racist things and things offensive to disabled people? But they’ve disciplined your child for arguing back? I’d be livid. Again, the college sounds awful.
It's not just her saying racist things. I'm pretty sure that if any member of staff overheard racist comments then it would be dealt with.

As an aside, ds loves college, for the first time in his life he is stydying a subject he loves and has a great rapport with the tutors. Unfortunately it is a subject that also attracts kids who just want an easy ride.

OP posts:
Original poster
Comefromaway · 10/06/2021 11:31

It's a student who said this billy, not a teacher. If it was a teacher I would go up the wall(put in a formal complaint) as I did very recently at my dd's school when one of her teachers indirectly called her "special". (as in I'm going to go through this again slowly as though you are all (long pause) special.

OP posts:
Newcastleteacake · 10/06/2021 11:32

OP - "He told her to F off. (Inappropriate response I know but that’s autism for you)"

The world really could do with more of the honesty that those living with autism bring.

I would speak to the school. Get on the front foot. Your DS has done nothing wrong and everything right.

godmum56 · 10/06/2021 11:37

I think your son sounds like a complete star. I am old and NT not a swearer and i would have said fuck off too. is there any way you can give staff a heads up without making a formal report? It certainly sounds like your son can deal with her but maybe there are other students who need protecting? Can you work through that aspect of it with him?