Leaving London - is there a promised land?

[ilkleymoorbartat]

With the mass exodus from London at the moment, aibu to ask whether there is some promised land that people go when they have kids (whatever the location).

Ie, are those of us in London missing out on a life that is lovely and idyllic which if you're in the London bubble it's impossible to imagine?

Do we have Stockholm syndrome basically?!

I lived in London when I was much younger (20 years ago), but had grown up in a village and found a huge city quite hard work. I love visiting though. Then I moved to a small city, then another small city, then another small city... then a village. It's the right thing for my child (quiet, safer streets - traffic not people I mean, school has amazing outdoor facilities), but it's boring for me. My partner loves it, but he's not a gym go-er or a swimming pool user, or a shopper or coffee shopper. He likes watching sport, cooking - in a bigger kitchen - and growing food on an allotment.

When we moved to a village I had to change jobs to make sure that I come in to a city every day, I also had to spend lots of money on a country-club type gym on the way to work just to get a swimming pool. As soon as child is a teenager, I'll be wanting to move somewhere more 'something'.

@LoudestCat14

I feel really sorry for people that live there and don't realise how much better it would/could be, somewhere else.

How patronising. You have no idea what our lives are like, you just assume they're shit. I live in a three-bed house with a big garden five minutes walk from a Tube station and from amazing restaurants, bars and cinemas. Central London and all that has to offer is a 20 min Tube ride away. My DD goes to one of the best state schools in London. I don't need anyone's faux pity, thanks very much.

Well that's fair enough that you can afford to live in a 'three-bed house with a big garden five minutes walk from a tube station' but the point is that almost no-one can afford this, which is why one option could be to move to another city where they can afford a suitably sized property and still have access to city amenities.

I moved to rural Norfolk just over ten years ago now out of London. I am very happy here, but you must consider all of the pros and cons before you move. It does depend on your personal preferences and what you see as a good lifestyle. For me I value a slightly slower pace of life, clean air, the countryside, good local food and the coast. My kids had access to good schools and were not exposed to some of the worst parts of living in London. Equally I would consider things like transport- my village literally has one bus a day! If you cannot drive it will not work. The best restaurants, bars, theatres and galleries will be a decent train ride away- you cannot just decide to pop to one in an evening. Another note from experience is to think really carefully around where you are moving to. In any rural area some villages are more welcoming than others, often in the same area. As when you move anywhere spend some time in the location assessing the area before you consider moving. Check local newspapers, google, local websites. Minutes of local parish councils etc. This will give you a real feel for what the area will feel like to live in. I would particularly check the local pub as a barometer of how open to new people the area will be. Even then remember that the countryside is a living place. At certain times of year it will smell (muck spreading), it can be noisy, and farm vehicles have rights of way. Shops for some items may be a reasonable distance hence so you need to plan.

Dh and I left years ago. I miss it to the extent that we try and visit for a long weekend once or twice a year and do stuff (museums, galleries, exhibitions, shows). The rest of the year we have a good standard of living that we could never have achieved in the SE.

@WalkingOnTheCracks

And now they’re teenagers, they feel that way too. They’d much rather live in Brixton or Tooting than leafy, dull Surrey

Well I can totally see why

@Brainwave89

I moved to rural Norfolk just over ten years ago now out of London. I am very happy here, but you must consider all of the pros and cons before you move. It does depend on your personal preferences and what you see as a good lifestyle. For me I value a slightly slower pace of life, clean air, the countryside, good local food and the coast. My kids had access to good schools and were not exposed to some of the worst parts of living in London. Equally I would consider things like transport- my village literally has one bus a day! If you cannot drive it will not work. The best restaurants, bars, theatres and galleries will be a decent train ride away- you cannot just decide to pop to one in an evening. Another note from experience is to think really carefully around where you are moving to. In any rural area some villages are more welcoming than others, often in the same area. As when you move anywhere spend some time in the location assessing the area before you consider moving. Check local newspapers, google, local websites. Minutes of local parish councils etc. This will give you a real feel for what the area will feel like to live in. I would particularly check the local pub as a barometer of how open to new people the area will be. Even then remember that the countryside is a living place. At certain times of year it will smell (muck spreading), it can be noisy, and farm vehicles have rights of way. Shops for some items may be a reasonable distance hence so you need to plan.

Proving my point ,it is not London ,and everywhere outside of London is a vast wilderness,There are many other parts of the UK that have towns and cities ,that have good transport systems ,where you can get any takeaways of your choice at any time etc ,there is compromise ,it's not either London ,or very rural and that's it .

I think it depends on how much you love London and what you're looking for in terms of lifestyle. People I know who have moved from London have gone to:
Village in Derbyshire - much cheaper property so they have a huge house but schools aren't great
Haddenham - 40 mins to Marylebone on the train but still quite expensive for property. They have made lots of good friends as lots of similar types to them.
Oxfordshire villages - around Bicester, property not too pricey and can get to Marylebone fairly quickly (around an hour I think).

The people who live in the above places live fairly rural lifestyles now though and would be a big lifestyle change. They tended to move early to mid thirties with babies or tiny kids. If you love city life, I'd think about moving to a different city like York, Leeds, Sheffield or Manchester.

We moved to sussex. Beautiful village school for the children, 15 minutes into Brighton, downs, sea, fresh air, community and a house we could only have dreamed of in London. The crime is incomparable to London and my guard came down as soon as we left. London is fantastic to visit though but the stuff I saw there I don’t want my kids to see.

@HowToBringABlushToTheSnow

I moved from Notting Hill to the Surrey countryside, absolutely love it here! I have the best of both worlds as I’m still close enough to London to work there three days a week but I wake to bird song and peace instead of sirens and traffic noise. Every weekend is like a weekend away. One of the best decisions I have ever made.

Ditto! We moved from Streatham to Surrey and love it here. Close enough to have access to all that London has to offer yet far enough to be surrounded by beautiful nature and a slower pace of life. House prices are pretty much the same as in London, but most houses have bigger gardens and space for off street parking.

@HowToBringABlushToTheSnow

How fucking rude. As if that's all Brixton is, a rubbish filled street. It's one of the most fun and diverse and community-minded neighbourhoods in the UK, with one of the best parks too, all 10 minutes from the centre of London.

These threads always go this way though. How can anyone possibly live in London when it's so dirty and crime ridden and grim, and yet 9 million of us do, go figure.

We moved away from Stoke Newington when our first DS was a toddler, around 16 years ago.

We moved to a large town in Berkshire that has plenty of eating out options and shops. It's a bit poor on indie shops and culture, but incredible for schools, cinemas, leisure, etc. Things like climbing walls and skate rinks are available. A short drive gets us to countryside for walks and when the kids were younger there were plenty of rural activities you could take them to, farm days etc, as well as enjoying everything the town had to offer as well.

We met people easily here, it's very diverse, we live in an area of the town where the locals vote green. There are some nice arts organisations and activities (arts trails where you can buy local artists work). We have the river for cycling beside, and paddleboarding on.

It's not a perfect town, there are still pockets that have that grotty city feel with the fried chicken shops and litter on the ground.

But overall we're happy here and only a 25 min train ride from London if we need to go (we rarely do).

[quote userxx]@Warmduscher what a beautiful garden, My eye is drawn to the shrub at the end........ strange shape 😏[/quote]

It’s actually a shrub and a vine and I hadn’t noticed the shape before.

Yep - if I could afford to upsize (without pushing ourselves too hard on mortgage repayments) I don't think we'd consider moving. I love London, although now that our first is on its way we aren't really making the most of everything it can offer. Yes it can be hectic but the diversity, tolerance, the scope for opportunities that exist here are a huge benefit for children. I grew up in a small seemingly idyllic location and it wasn't the 'promised land' by any stretch of the imagination. There was a lot of ignorance, intolerance, and a general lack of ambition because you just didn't see examples of what was possible in front of you. Its all a balance I guess but I feel as though talk of a mass exodus is over rated and that its very possible that a lot of people that leave for a different type of lifestyle might find that the grass isn't always greener.

I was born and raised in London. I lived there (apart from uni days) till I was 34. I think it totally depends where you live. I grew up, went to school, college and worked in Hammersmith/Chiswick/Kew/Richmond/Brentford areas which is lovely. Then wanted to buy so bought in South Norwood/Norwood Junction/Selhurst as it was all I could afford and it was utterly shit. Really rough and nasty. I worked in a local school which put me off having kids there and I couldn't afford anywhere else in London so I moved out.

I moved to Sevenoaks/Tonbridge/T.Wells areas and it's lovely here. Nothing like the feeling of constant 'mild peril' and general dirty dinginess I had in SE London (I have many unsavoury anecdotes about there) and only 45 mins into London on the train. But had I stayed in Chiswick I'd think living in London was the best and nothing could beat it.

We have recently relocated from a small seaside town on the SE coast to Norwich, best move ever, small safe city, lots to do, wonderful sandy beaches about 30min drive away, facilities on your doorstep, great value property, cost of living miles cheaper, many ex-Londoners here too.

I'll never leave London. I would spend my summer holidays in Suffolk, Yorkshire or Nottingham edepending on which family member woiuld have us. Suffolk was the only place I really felt at home and it was because everyone was so nice. But even there I couldn't live. It's too slow, and although it has theatres and venues, theres not a variety of good restaurants and everyone seems to live so far away from actual hospitals.

London is buzzing for every age group, if that's what you want. More family are here. But living in inner London is not for me. So the compromise is living just within the M25, with trees and farms nearby but only 30-45 minutes into the centre of town with frequent transport links. This is about as close to village life as I need.

LoudestCat14

I feel really sorry for people that live there and don't realise how much better it would/could be, somewhere else

I have lived somewhere else. I have been in the unique position through Dh's job to have lived in many towns and cities across England and Wales and I still prefer London

I am on the outskirts although would much prefer to be further in.

We are selling our house and it is at the point that we need to start looking for a new place as the move is imminent.
After searching on Rightmove and Zoopla and getting it down to 3 places we set off for a viewing to a house further out than where we are. 4 bed detached that ticked all the boxes.
I ended up being physically sick on the way as I had a panic attack at being so far out and ended up cancelling the other 2 viewings.
We then viewed a large 3 bed flat in a grotty area of London and whilst the flat just wasn’t suitable (we need 4 bedrooms) I felt much calmer and I know I need to adjust my search options.
No more within 30 miles of London.

HowToBringABlushToTheSnow so you found the worst photo you could find of brixton to prove your point? I have added some just to add some balance.

Brixton has a great vibe. My DS lives in a flat there atm and i lived there when i first moved to london.

I grew up in London zone 1 and my sisters and parents still live here. Most of my older friends from school have left over the years, so the exodus isn't new, although those who stayed in zone 1 are mostly those who managed to get a council flat here, or keyworker housing. The families I know who are leaving now are those who grew up elsewhere, and have never really seen London as their home, but just a place to stay in their 20s and get their career started.

I've lived in other UK cities and have been on city breaks (and rural holidays) all over the UK. I think they have a lot to offer but for me, nothing comes close to the diversity, breadth of culture and convenience of being in London. For me the pace of city life is what makes it exciting, and I'm not too bothered about the crime as it's mostly localised and I've never been affected by it (apart from pickpocketing years ago but I'm more streetwise to it now). We have a toddler and will likely move further out to zone 2/3 when she starts school - we plan to go private and the better schools are further out (or the other side of town from DH's office). Currently we live in a 2 bed flat with a shared garden and fortunately we can afford a house with garden, so we see no need to move out of the city. If it weren't for the schools issue, we would stay living centrally. I love having everything on my doorstep and several tube/rail/overground stations within walking distance.

@mynameisbrian interesting how you have to piss on where other people live to big it up in that case.

BarbarianMum no idea what your going on about. I havent disrespected anyones choices about where to live. I was responding to someone who showed a horrendous photo of Brixton

@mynameisbrian apologies I got you mixed up with another poster

Brixton wouldn’t be my first choice of places to live but it definitely has a lot of cool stuff going on...unless you’re into horses or country pursuits ( cottage core??) I can see many teenagers / people in their 20s preferring to be there rather than the Surrey Hills. ( unless you want to pop around the antique shops of Dorking... or maybe the quilting shop)

BarbarianMum phew....i had to go over what I had written previously to ensure I hadnt offended!

Yes. Life is way better after you leave. London is fun for drinking in your twenties but when you’re ready for family life, air that doesn’t make your skin grubby, a decent sized house, schools the kids can walk to, parks where they can leave their scooter and still find it there hours later, and neighbours who chat to you, leave.

Basically look at a map of train stations, search those areas on rightmove and work out where you can afford to be.

Married to a banker? Move to Surrey. Popular places include Guildford Woking etc.

Doing well financially but not married to a banker? Try St Albans or Sevenoaks.
Only need to work in London occasionally? Have a look at Cambridge, Tunbridge Wells and Folkestone.
Into alternative culture? Forest Row or Brighton.
Tight for cash? Look at East of London - Gillingham Rochester etc.
Able to work from home forever? Go to Cornwall / Edinburgh (unless you have school age children; English accents get bullied in Scotland).