Leaving London - is there a promised land?

[ilkleymoorbartat]

With the mass exodus from London at the moment, aibu to ask whether there is some promised land that people go when they have kids (whatever the location).

Ie, are those of us in London missing out on a life that is lovely and idyllic which if you're in the London bubble it's impossible to imagine?

Do we have Stockholm syndrome basically?!

When the live entertainment industry vashined overnight I was abroad...when we returned we settled by the sea in the SW and I was really worried about missing London but I actually love it here. I have an actual garden and friendly neighbors I occasionally get FOMO but when you really interrogate your own feel there's often a fair bit of rose tinted glasses. I try to remind myself that while London does contain wonderful cultural experiences I never really went to any of them....like a lot of Londoners I liked the idea of going to the opera/ballet/art galleries but mostly went to the same ten pubs and restaurants in my borough on the reg

May I ask, did those of you leaving London keep your flats?

And, given that no one wants to live in London anymore (?), to whom did you sell?

@tara66

Once 12 or over most children do not want to live in ''the country'' they want bright lights and ''rock n' roll''.

I didn't and neither did my friends

We were horse mad, boys didn't get a look in until way into our late teens (my London friends were waaaay advanced in that department though). We loved sleepovers, sport (so much to do outdoors in the countryside, amazing mountain bike trails for starters, you just don't get those opportunities in cities), we loved kayaking, hillrunning, going to the beach (gorgeous, safe beach is 30 mins away). All of which you can get in 'they country' where I live

Growing up in the countryside was idyllic and it's why I want the same for my children. The thought of bringing them up somewhere where gangs are rife, muggings are a thing, not to mention how dirty London is, fills me with horror.

@IrmaFayLear

We couldn't afford a flat in London (teacher). We rented. That's why we moved to Oxfordshire.

@supermoonrising

Leeds, Manchester, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Bristol, Liverpool

All good cities, but all small/very small in international terms. So none compare directly to the London experience.

What do you mean by “small / very small in international terms”?

Born and bread Londoner... we left last year to a small town. No regrets.
Saw a bloody deer in my garden two days ago, beats Crack Jack from the corner ending his weekend session in my front bin area and having to call police to remove.

If you're the kind of person/family who would frequently make use of what London/your bit of London has to offer, and you can afford to do all that, then London would be near the top of your list.

It's funny though that there are many people (particularly 20 somethings) who forever seem to boast about how nowhere can compare to London but whose diverse amazing London experience is bascially:
Live in a grotty street/area
Get a couple of takeaways once a week
Go to their local pub
Go to maybe one gig and visit one museum every year.
Sit in an average small local park with some mates

By the time they realise they've been had they've probably thrown away 30 grand in London rent that could've been in their bank or gone on a property elsewhere, while having just as good a time and renting somewhere nicer.

@ilkleymoorbartat it’s probably going to out me, but we moved to Edinburgh, pretty central again. I’m Scottish and it’s one of the few places that has a similar vibe, was walkable and we could both find jobs in our professions.

@x2boys

These threads always make me 🙄everytime ,there is one ,posters will pop up saying they moved out of London , into the middle of no where ,and now can't wait to go back to London for the vibrant life ,as though the UK consists of London and anywhere outside of London is just a vast waste land,and then accuse non Londoners of being parochial.

As a Londoner, these threads also make me 🙄 every time because posters pop up to say what a polluted, violent, cramped shit-hole London is and how it's the worst place in the world and they wouldn't go back if you paid them to.

My point being, there's always going to be a difference of opinion about this but unfortunately moving out of London threads don't allow for any middle ground!

@Warmduscher what a beautiful garden, My eye is drawn to the shrub at the end........ strange shape 😏

@Lou573

Lived in London for 15 years and loved it but wanted to give my kids the childhood I had growing up - clean air, space, animals. Miss certain things but to be honest by the time the kids came along we weren’t making the most of what London had to offer - we may as well be having our early nights in a 4 bed detached with a big garden. We have stayed in Surrey commuter belt though, half an hour into London on the fast train.

I suspect you live not far from us - a London borough in Surrey.

We moved here from SarfLondon so that the kids could have the big house and the garden and all that. But I feel that I’ve rather deprived them of the childhood I had growing up - traffic, markets, great public transport.

And now they’re teenagers, they feel that way too. They’d much rather live in Brixton or Tooting than leafy, dull Surrey.

This depends, do you still work in London. Will you need to commute? If not Dorset is very pretty, lots of green and it's a gate way to the jurassic coast.

Hebden Bridge

In 1984 we could not afford inner London so moved out here (zone 5 outer Londno) and I am still here. I think it's a reasonable compromise - detached house, private road, horses go by, woods and golf club opposite yet not too far from tube stations and good private schools. It is not a promised land - nowhere is but it is good enough for me. My older son about 2 years ago moved to Oxfordshire and that is lovely too (and closer to his work)

I feel really sorry for people that live there and don't realise how much better it would/could be, somewhere else.

How patronising. You have no idea what our lives are like, you just assume they're shit. I live in a three-bed house with a big garden five minutes walk from a Tube station and from amazing restaurants, bars and cinemas. Central London and all that has to offer is a 20 min Tube ride away. My DD goes to one of the best state schools in London. I don't need anyone's faux pity, thanks very much.

@supermoonrising

I know a fair few people who spurned the London experience and nice and sensibly bought property when they were in their 20s and didn't throw their money away on rent. They were able to trade up and now are in, in some cases, £1m houses.

Am I envious? In most cases, hell no. Middle age lasts a long time. No need to be embracing it at age 24.

@Bythemillpond

We moved out for 12 years and lived in a thatched cottage in a village that had pubs, shops and a church. It was the most miserable time of my life. I don’t think I spoke to anyone apart from my friends who lived in London and Dh.

If you don’t drink, are not Christian and don’t have children there is nothing to do and no one to connect with.
Alcohol seemed to play a huge part in village life, probably because whilst the scenery was beautiful, once children had left home there wasn’t anything to do apart from drink.

We only moved because of dh’s work. I am never moving outside the M25 again. Dh and the family know this although they try to show me what I could afford if I moved out.

That is the total opposite of our experience. Alcohol barely registers in our lives now we don't live in London, there is so much more to do here , we are always out and about making the most of the countryside. We have also made some wonderful friends, everyone is calmer and warmer, we have made loads of connections.. oh and we are definitely not Christian either!

Life for us in London was all about bars, restaurants and pubs!

I think Urmston is the promised land.

A lot of people move to London in their 20s/uni and never intend to stay. So effectively they just go back home when they have kids to things they are more familiar with from their childhood. Others cant afford to stay - you're unlikely to be able to afford a family home in a nice area if you work in the public/civil service etc. My impression is that a lot of people are moving further afield this year such as Bristol, Manchester, Edinburgh - lets see whether WFH continues.

I love mountains so fo me Edinburgh would be the promised land if I had to stay in the UK. But globally - I would pick Geneva over anywhere else you get city, water and mountains in one place.

Is there a promised land?

Yep...London .

My parents moved out when I was 3...I'm 45 now and have never entirely forgiven them.

I moved to London many years ago and still love it. I have many friends who have moved away now, some to quite villages around Oxford, others closer to somerset, outskirts of bristol. Lovely to visit, large houses, bigger gardens etc etc. Some have regretted it and moved back. I am fortunate to live in a lovely area of London, fantastic local parks, great local restaurants, pubs etc with great local schools but still able to get into the city in 15mins. So I have zero intetrest in moving out.

Loads of people from London living here in the villages in South Warwickshire around Warwick, Stratford and Leamington, buying up the expensive houses... good schools.

Cardiff is a great city. Lots of people come here to university and never leave!

@irmafaylear

True enough. But if you want excitement and the international experience in your 20s, without the crippling costs of London, perhaps case your net even wider. Shanghai, Beijing, Berlin... more fun for less money.

I moved to the south west from London 15 years ago. I will never go back to London. Even when I visit there to see family I want to go home asap